Ahmadinejad Invites U.N. Inspectors to Search for Homosexuals Permits Use of Advanced Gaydar [by Andy Borowitz]
Just days after asserting that there are no homosexuals in Iran, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today invited United Nations inspectors into his country to search for homosexuals. "We have nothing to hide," Mr. Ahmadinejad said in a speech to the United Nations General Assembly. "You can search the entire country – even the airport bathrooms." While some senior U.S. diplomats expressed skepticism about the Iranian president's offer to allow U.N. inspectors to search his country for homosexuals, Mr. Ahmadinejad attempted to silence the skeptics by permitting the use of "advanced gaydar technology" as part of the proposed inspections. "In Iran we have the most advanced gaydar in the world and we are prepared to share it with you," he said. In the immediate aftermath of Mr. Ahmadinejad's speech, it was unclear as to who would lead the U.N.'s inspection efforts, but most diplomats assumed that the task would fall to Mohamed ElBaradei, head of the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA). At a press conference at the United Nations, Mr. ElBaradei acknowledged that he had no previous experience searching for homosexuals, but said that if chosen to lead the inspection effort he would make sure that the inspections were "rigorous and thorough." "The possibility that Iran may possess homosexuals is a serious matter to the world community," Mr. ElBaradei said. "There has been evidence for some time that Iran may be attempting to build a Broadway musical." Elsewhere, President Bush made his first official comment on the situation in Myanmar, telling reporters, "I will support whichever side is easier to pronounce." -- Jim Devine / "Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims there are no homosexuals in Iran, just like there are no gay conservatives in the US" -- John Stewart.
