From: Travis
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From: Chuck Shepherd
Date: Sun, Sep 7, 2008
Subject: News of the Weird, September 7, 2008
WEIRDNUZ.M074 (News of the Weird, September 7, 2008)
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* The Other "Fight Clubs" Are For Sissies: At the August Dog
Brothers "Gathering of the Pack" in southern California, it was
"[A]nything goes," according to one warrior (looking to fight with
"blunted knives"). A Reuters reporter witnessed two men without
padding beat each other with heavy sticks and two others fight with
electrically-charged knives. The latter duel ended when, during a
wrestling hold, one slipped a hand free and planted a 1,000-volt
surge. The action seems exhilarating. Said one, "I've never felt
better than when I'm doing this." Another: "Honestly, I wish I
could find a church with the same spirit of support and love [as I
feel here]." Said "Crafty Dog" Denny, it's "higher consciousness
through harder contact." [Reuters, 8-20-08]
Government in Action
* Florida's nation-leading epidemic of mortgage fraud was
facilitated by state regulators who permitted 2,200 people with
finance-crime records to become professional "loan originators,"
part of the total of 10,000 with rap sheets allowed to work in the
industry over an eight-year-period, according to a July
investigation by the Miami Herald. At least 20 registered brokers
kept their licenses after fraud convictions. A 2006 state law
required criminal background checks for broker licensing, but
fewer than half were ever done, reported the Herald. And the crisis
continues, according to a Virginia research firm, which found in
August that almost one-fourth of new mortgage fraud in the U.S.
emanates from Florida (mostly on scams exploiting people who
face foreclosure). [Miami Herald, 7-20-08] [Tampa Tribune, 8-26-
08]
* A cautionary note about "early voting" was registered in the
Dallas suburb of Carrollton, Tex., in May, when Mayor Becky
Miller built a nine-point lead in early balloting before a Dallas
Morning News report on fanciful parts of her biography caused
election-day voters to cast her out. In her campaign, she had
emotionally referred to a brother killed in the Vietnam war, but her
father said her only brother is still alive and was never in the
military (which Miller "explained" by alleging that dad has
Alzheimer's). She later gave a name for her brother, but the
Morning News found that that soldier, unlike Miller, is black.
Miller also claimed to be a backup singer for Linda Ronstadt and
Jackson Browne (and once engaged to the Eagles' Don Henley),
but spokesmen for each said they never heard of her (which she
"explained" by saying she was earlier known as "Pinky"). [Dallas
Morning News, 5-7-08; WFAA-TV (Dallas), 5-11-08]
* An Insurance Institute for Highway Safety spokesman said in
July that "billions" of dollars are unnecessarily spent annually
because the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration still
fails to regard SUVs and light trucks as "passenger" vehicles. One
result, according to an MSNBC report, is that otherwise-benign
bumper-to-bumper nudges (harmless because "passenger"-car
bumpers are required to be of standard height) turn into major
repair jobs when higher-bumpered SUVs crush the headlight
assemblies of lower-bumpered passenger cars. [MSNBC, 7-30-08]
* Two Cheers for Democracy: (1) Angela Tuttle was elected
constable in Hancock County, Tenn., in August, simply because
she showed up and voted. There were no candidates on the ballot,
and thus her own write-in vote for herself carried the election, 1-0.
(2) After Prime Minister Manmohan Singh's party retained control
in India in the July elections, supporter (and Assam state legislator)
Kishor Samrite decided to give traditional Hindu thanks for the
victory. He sacrificed 200 goats and four buffaloes at a temple in
Gauhati. [Bristol Herald Courier-AP, 8-8-08] [Arizona Republic-
AP, 7-30-08]
Police Blotter
* Paul Baldwin, 48, was ordered held on $10,000 bail in
Portsmouth, N.H., in May after his arrest for stealing a can of beer,
which seems expensive except that it was Baldwin's 152nd arrest.
When a judge asked if he wanted a lawyer appointed for him,
Baldwin said, "I don't need a lawyer. I've been in this court more
than you have." [Portsmouth Herald, 5-19-08]
Crimes from All Over: (1) A gentle armed robber was being
sought in July in Poplar Bluff, Mo.; he took $25 from a man at
gunpoint, but then hugged him before he left. (2) Arrested in
Tampa in the span of 23 hours on July 1 and July 2: Mr. Telly
Savalas Cheatam (grand theft auto) and Mr. Telly Savalas
Wimbley (trespassing). [St. Louis Post-Dispatch-AP, 7-3-08]
[WFTS-TV (Tampa), 7-2-08]
Unclear on the Concept
* (1) In July, St. Mary's Airport on the Isles of Scilly (off the
southwest coast of England) posted a vacancy announcement for
air traffic controller that added, helpfully, that applications were
available in alternative languages, "in larger text [or] Braille." (2)
Police were called to a home in Wichita, Kan., in June after two
young men had been arguing over which was more deserving of
the street name, C-Thug. The fight ended when a woman old
enough to be their mother came along and stabbed one of the
"thugs." [The Herald (Plymouth), 7-10-08] [Wichita Eagle, 6-14-
08]
* Illinois requires all state employees to pass an annual 10-
question, multiple-choice "ethics" test (whose format lends itself to
simplistic answers that, for instance, most college students might
handle easily). In January, state ethics officials declined to accept
the passing grades of 65 Southern Illinois University professors
because they finished "too quickly." Asserted a reviewing state
official, anyone who failed to spend at least 10 minutes on the test
was being unreasonable. [Inside Higher Education, 1-23-08, 5-5-
08]
Creme de la Weird
* Charlie Van Wilkes Jr., 31, was arrested in Danielsville, Ga., in
August and charged with possession of drugs and burglary tools.
The arrest report noted that Wilkes had a "large lump in the front
of his blue jeans, with wires running from inside his pants and
hanging down dragging the ground" as he walked. Wilkes
explained that he was wearing a "homemade vibrator," hooked to a
battery. Wrote the officer, "[A] small motor had been removed
from an item and placed inside a pill bottle, and then wrapped in a
piece of pipe insulation before being placed inside [Wilkes's] pants
for a pleasurable sensation." [Madison (Ga.) Journal, 8-9-08]
Least Competent Criminals
* Oblivious: (1) In August in Billings, Mont., federal officers
recognized Wyoming fugitive Sterling Wolfname, 26, on the street,
but the man tried to give a different name, seemingly oblivious that
"Wolfname" was tattooed on the side of his head. (2) Fugitive
Willie Vickers, 46, was arrested in Cleveland Heights, Ohio, in
July on old burglary warrants after he volunteered to help a woman
and a police officer get into her locked car. Vickers said he had
lots of experience with locked cars, seemingly oblivious of tipping
the officer to run his name through the computer. [The Missoulian
(Missoula)-AP, 8-14-08] [WEWS-TV (Cleveland), 7-9-08]
Recurring Themes
* The economic slowdown and rising prices for scrap metals have
provoked desperation and creativity among down-market
criminals. A 42-year-old man was arrested in his car heading for a
metals-recycling center in Miami, Fla., in July with a 40-foot-long
municipal street lamp strapped to the roof. And police in
Williamsburg, Ky., easily tracked the stolen railroad rail in August,
which was so heavy that it left gouge marks in the pavement as the
thieves dragged it away. And the badly-burned man found in July
by police on a utility pole in northwest Dallas, Tex., died days later
(one of several who so far this year have tried, unsuccessfully, to
safely remove copper wire from power poles). [WSVN-TV
(Miami), 7-29-08] [Lexington Herald-Leader-AP, 8-4-08]
[WDFW-TV (Dallas), 8-4-08]
Names in the News
* Arrested in Tampa in June and charged with possession of
cocaine with intent to sell: Mr. God Lucky Howard, 39.
Convicted in Kansas City, Mo., in June of 31 counts including 12
rapes and other non-consensual sex: Mr. Shy Bland, 52. Arrested
in Broomfield, Colo., in August in a raid on a "massage parlor" that
police said was a brothel: Ms. Mi Sook You, 48. [Tampa Tribune,
6-21-08] [Kansas City Star, 6-19-08] [Broomfield Police
Department press release (The Smoking Gun), 8-6-08]
Thanks This Week to James Wicht, Kevin Staggers,
Michael Ravnitzky, Ladonna Weeks, Jeanne Pratt, Christopher
Cantwell, Philip Urban, Susan Prendergast, Charlie Cummins,
Aaron Geiger, Roger Gulbransen, Andy Anderson, and John Votel,
and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://www.WeirdUniverse.net <http://www.weirduniverse.net/> (or
www.NewsoftheWeird.com <http://www.newsoftheweird.com/>) or
mail [EMAIL PROTECTED] / P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL
33629.
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