From: Travis
From: Chuck Shepherd
Date: Sun, Sep 21, 2008
Subject: News of the Weird, September 21, 2008
WEIRDNUZ.M076 (News of the Weird, September 21, 2008)
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Deja Vu: The two states whose electoral votes decided the
Presidential races in 2000 (Florida) and 2004 (Ohio) are provoking
anxiety this time around, also. In Palm Beach County, Fla. (home
of the "butterfly ballot" in 2000), 3,478 optical-scan votes
disappeared between primary-night counting on August 26th and
the official recount a few days later (flipping the outcome of at
least one race). Also in August, Ohio officials claimed that they
had fixed a software-logic tabulating error in Premier Election
Systems machines used in some counties (but, according to a
spokesman for Premier a company formerly known as
Diebold that error had been present for the last 10 years). (Also
in August, the Ohio secretary of state ordered election officials to
end the practice of taking voting machines home at night during
election season "for safekeeping," even though such "sleepovers"
had been encouraged in order to protect the machines from
tampering.) [Palm Beach Post, 9-2-08] [Washington Post (blogs),
8-21-08] [New York Times (blogs), 8-19-08]
The Entrepreneurial Spirit
* The New York Post spotted several Manhattan businesses that
tried to appeal to nudists this summer, with special events. Among
the most challenging were John Ordover's monthly dinners at
selected restaurants (such as the Mercantile Grill), where about 50
diners eat and drink naked (served by the restaurant's regular,
clothed staff) and the Naked Comedy Showcase at People's Improv
Theater in the Chelsea district, where once a month, naked
comedians perform (and a section in the audience is reserved for
naked patrons). [New York Post, 7-21-08]
Weird Science
* In July, microbiologists writing in the Proceedings of the
National Academy of Sciences reported that the Malaysian pen-
tailed tree shrew subsists on a diet of fermented palm nectar that is
roughly the equivalent of 100 percent beer. "They seem to have
developed some type of mechanism to deal with that high level of
alcohol and not get drunk," according to one researcher, who hoped
further study could help with human cases of alcohol poisoning
(and other rare instances in which people ingest alcohol for
purposes other than getting drunk). [MSNBC-LiveScience.com, 7-
29-08]
* Intelligent Design: Among the photo exhibits at New York
City's Museum of Sex in July was the display of the genitalia of the
spotted hyena, which was described by Bloomberg News: "[B]oth
the male and female have penises. The female, it turns out, has a
scrotal sack, too. For reproductive purposes, the male transfers his
sperm through the female's penis, which doubles as her clitoris."
Other exhibits included "Gay Dolphin Blow-Hole Sex" and a "Deer
Threesome," featuring a "Bambi" with two stags. Said the
Museum's curator, the exhibit simply compensates for museums'
traditional animal exhibits in which depictions of genitalia are
suppressed. [Bloomberg News, 7-25-08]
* Kay Underwood, 20, of Barrow upon Soar, England, risks
momentarily collapsing every time she laughs, according to an
August report in London's Daily Telegraph. Her cataplexy causes a
sudden, dramatic weakening of muscles when she experiences
strong emotions, including joy, excitement, and anger. She said
she has collapsed as many as 40 times in a day, and sometimes her
friends will good-naturedly try to make her giggle, but she said she
has learned tricks to protect herself, "such as locking my knees
together or grabbing on to something." [Daily Telegraph (London),
8-6-08]
Leading Economic Indicators
* Some dermatologists have created significant divides between
their "medical" patients (acne, cancer) and their beauty-treatment
patients (plastic surgery, Botox), with the latter offered luxurious
waiting rooms, frequent telephone contacts, and more
personalization of treatment. One doctor told the New York Times
in July, "You have to class it up for those patients," who pay their
own way and with minimal paperwork. Besides, said another, "If
you do an extreme makeover on someone, you are a hero." [New
York Times, 7-28-08]
* In a July Newsweek review of "faith-based" mutual funds (whose
managers invest only in companies whose work does not offend
their particular spiritual values), big short-term losers included one
Mennonite fund emphasizing pacifism (eschewing high-
performing military and energy stocks), but big winners lately were
Islamic funds. Not only do they screen out the "sin" companies
(tobacco, alcohol) and sellers of pork products, but they avoid
financial-services stock (based on the Koran's prohibition against
borrowing or lending if interest is charged) and thus were
unscathed by the initial mortgage-market meltdown. [Newsweek,
7-28-08]
It's Good to Be a British Prisoner (continued)
* (1) Ian Brady, now age 70 and perhaps the most famous British
murderer of the 20th century, complained recently that the
psychiatric inmates housed with him in Ashworth Hospital still
qualify for government allowances up to the equivalent of about
$200 per week whereas prison transfers like him receive "only"
one-fourth that amount. (2) After completing a six-year sentence
for aggravated burglary in 2006, an unidentified male inmate at
Peterborough prison has for two years refused to leave, for fear of
being deported, and will continue to remain behind bars
indefinitely, costing the government the equivalent of about
$60,000 a year to house him. [Daily Mail (London), 8-18-08]
[Daily Telegraph (London), 9-5-06]
Recent Alarming Headlines
* (1) "Elephant beats heroin habit with detox" (Reuters, 9-4-08)
(Chinese poachers had spiked his bananas with heroin to control
him). (2) "Court grants injunction to stop woman cutting off man's
penis" (Daily Telegraph, Sydney, 8-15-08) (He told the judge in
Darwin, Australia, that to escape her pursuit recently, he had to
hide in tall grass). (3) "Police: Chihuahuas provoke baton attack
on nude beach" (KGW-TV website, 7-28-08) (A naked
beachcomber, 74, near Portland, Ore., may have overreacted to two
Chihuahuas advancing on him).
The Weirdo-American Community
* A wave of motorists fondling themselves in drive-thru lanes of
Seattle-area espresso stands continues, police said, despite a recent
arrest. In August, an employee of Java Girls in Parkland, Wash.,
disgusted with a bra-wearing man, tossed boiling water in his face
(to which he reportedly responded, "Oooh, yeah" and drove off).
In September, a 20-year-old driver admitted several fondling
incidents from February to May in Monroe, Wash., but expressed
relief that police caught him. "I need to stop," he said, "and I can't
do it alone. Once you start, it's hard to stop." [KIRO-TV (Seattle),
8-19-08] [Daily Herald (Everett), 9-2-08]
Least Competent Criminals
* An unidentified man smashed a six-foot hole in the wall of the
Name Brand Clothing Store in Tulsa, Okla., in August and labored
through the night to bust open the safe, but according to the
surveillance video, he finally gave up six hours later after making
only a small hole. However, when the store manager arrived later
that morning, he found the safe unlocked, probably the result of his
forgetfulness the night before, and no contents were missing.
Though the crime was unsuccessful, the manager offered to hire
the robber, based just on his diligent work ethic. [KOTV (Tulsa),
8-22-08]
Recurring Themes
* Drivers recently hit by their own cars: (1) A woman parking her
car in Athens, Ga., in July, opened the door to tell another driver
that she was not leaving her space when she fell out and was run
over. (2) A man in his 60s was pushing his car out of a ditch in
July in Montreal, Quebec, when it started to roll, and when he
jumped in to hit the brakes, the car jerked, ejected him, and ran
over him. (3) A 24-year-old man, fleeing police in a stolen U-Haul
truck in April in Royal Palm Beach, Fla., leaped from the vehicle
but failed to clear the door, sending him out head-first, where he
was crushed to death. [WSB Radio (Atlanta)-AP, 7-12-08]
[Montreal Gazette, 8-1-08]
Readers' Choice
* (1) Mr. Angel Medina, 24, was found dead underneath a bridge
in San Juan, Puerto Rico, in August, and in accordance with what
his brother said were his longstanding wishes, he was embalmed in
a standing position, in a corner of his mother's living room, for a
three-day wake (wearing his Yankees cap and sunglasses). (2) As
police cars in Minnetonka, Minn., chased suspected burglar
Grayson Clevenger, 27, an officer who knew Clevenger's cell-
phone number called, to persuade him to give up. Clevenger picked
up the phone and, according to officers, yelled, "Dude, I can't talk!
I'm being chased by the police!" He was captured a short time
later. [Boston Globe-AP, 8-21-08] [WCCO-TV (Minneapolis), 8-
8-08]
Thanks This Week to Justin Warner, Sam Gaines, and
Melanie Wilson, and to many finders of the Readers' Choice
stories, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://www.WeirdUniverse.net <http://www.weirduniverse.net/> (or
www.NewsoftheWeird.com <http://www.newsoftheweird.com/>) or
mail [EMAIL PROTECTED] / P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL
33629.
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