JAN132014
11 Things Statists Taught Me About Being a Libertarian
Statists have truly taught me a lot about what it means to be a libertarian. Actually, they seem to know a whole lot more about it than I do. Through seemingly nonsensical debates, straw arguments, and name calling, I’ve begun to see the error of my ways. To show my appreciation for all that these statists have done for me, I’ve decided to compile a list so that other libertarians can be aware, too. Here are the 11 most important things statists have taught me about being a libertarian.
1. Due to my belief in the right to bear arms, I have a small penis. Being a woman, I haven’t really worked out what this means for me, but it definitely has something to do with genitals.
Oh, well that explains it.
2. I am wrong. I will always be wrong, and no amount of logic, reasoning, or research will ever change that. There’s also a good chance that I’m illiterate, so I might as well just give up now.
3. Because I believe in private – rather than government – run charity, I hate poor people and would rather see people die than risk being nice to them. I also hate sick people (ObamaCare), old people (Social Security), and children.
4. I’m so racist that I don’t even notice it anymore. Everything I say is somehow racist, and my belief in equal rights for everyone is secretly part of my racist agenda.
5. Instead of religion, I worship Ron Paul. I can’t think for myself and answer questions only in Ron Paul quotes. This makes ordering at restaurants really awkward.
6. My belief in personal property and keeping the wages I earn is inherently greedy. My greed makes it difficult for me to pay “my fair share,” which is my duty as an American. I know that if I don’t pay taxes, I’ll go to jail, but they still tell me its voluntary. Statists have assured me, however, that if I don’t like it there is always the option to move to Somalia. I hear the weather there is great this time of year.
7. Every firearm I own, regardless of make, model, or caliber, is in fact a fully automatic, military grade AR-15 assault rifle that shoots 1000 rounds a minute and is used solely for hunting children. This also makes me a terrorist. A terrorist that especially hates children.
8. My belief that money should be backed by actual things of value – such as gold or silver – is insanity, and proves my complete lack of knowledge in economics.
9. My distrust of the government, though based on historical and current events, is proof that I am psychotic and should be seeking professional help.
10. Despite whatever social or economic class I think I belong to, I’m actually really super rich. Like, mega-corporation WalMart rich. After all, only rich people can afford freedom.
11. I hate roads. I also hate the police, fire department, and any other emergency service. I’m wrong to think that any of these things could be accomplished or funded privately, even though there are good historical examples and an obvious market for these services. I guess I just want to watch the world burn.
Thank goodness for statists. Without them, I might not have learned any of these terrible things about myself. Who knew that believing in liberty, freedom, and voluntary action could be so dangerous and selfish?
http://thelibertydoll.com/2014/01/13/11-statists-taught-libertarian/
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