[image: CAP News]
  Obama Doesn't Rule Out Vacationing In Afghanistan
The president checks out a Kabul timeshare that's up for grabs "at just the
right price."

WASHINGTON (CAP) - With concern growing that the U.S. may prematurely be
pulling troops from Afghanistan, President Obama said he would "definitely
consider" taking his next family vacation there just to prove how much
safer that country is now than 10 years ago.

"Statistics show that a pseudo-black man such as myself actually faces a
much greater risk of dying at the hands of a police officer in New York
than a suicide bomber in downtown Kabul," Obama said at yesterday's
afternoon press conference. "At least, that's what it seems like."

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When asked by reporters about the risks associated with traveling to the
Middle East, Obama pointed out that vacationing in Hawaii is not without
its dangers. He noted that the sand traps on some of the golf courses are
as deadly to his game as the Afghani deserts are to the soldiers stationed
there.

"And you never know when you could suddenly step in a big ole steaming pile
of lava," he said. "I mean, that stuff's everywhere. I hate when you have
to scrape it off your shoes."

CAP News sources inside the White House describe Michelle Obama's reaction
to the president's statement as "classic angry wife," saying they had not
seen her face contort that much since that time she found a drunk Joe Biden
passed out in the Lincoln bedroom.

"Over my dead body!" Michelle reportedly said when she heard the news.
"Which I suppose is in accurate depiction of how we will end up if we go to
Afghanistan.

"Why can't we just grab some Shawarma from that Middle East restaurant down
the street and call it a day?" she added.

The president chuckled upon hearing of the First Lady's response, telling
reporters that "she'll come around" once she sees the full color brochures
from Afghani Destination Vacations Unlimited.

"The Ramadan Inn is running some great deals this time of year," Obama
said. "Once the girls get a taste of the Kabul nightlife, I doubt they'll
ever want to leave."

Republicans say they are impressed with the president's resolve, even if he
lacks "standard common sense." Still, they say if he does become a martyr
to prove his point, he will have won them over.
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 CAUGHT ON FILM
[image: @KimJongUn #DudeNeedsAHobby]
Kim Jong-un leans forward to push a button to launch a missile, or do the
hokey pokey - we're not sure which.

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