[image: CAP News] U.S. Offers France Pick Of Any Celebrity For Next Peace Rally
WASHINGTON (CAP) - The United States is promising France that the next time they have a national tragedy and are hosting a unity march, they can select any American celebrity they desire to represent that country at their cause. This news follows a rally in Paris attended by world leaders from 40 countries except the United States. "We are very sorry that we sent, umm, what's her face, the, uhh, ambassador gal there, instead of someone anyone has actually heard of," said White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest. "President Obama meant no harm and doesn't want anyone to take this is any sort of international snub. world NEWS Obama To Launch Air Strikes Against Osiris, Anubis <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201410002> Obama To Deploy Ebola Patients To Syria <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201409004> Israel, Hamas Agree On Ceasefire For Potty Break <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201407004> Obama To Send Kanye West To Iraq To Sort Things Out <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201406004> Al Gore, Pope Spar Over Origins Of The Internet <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201401009> "In fact, he adores your country," Earnest added. "He loves your deep fried potato strings, and your toast, and your style of green beans." Although the U.S. has offered up "any celebrity who has graced the cover of a tabloid," the Obama administration is creating their own punch list of the best options for France, taking into account each celebrity's charisma, positive outlook, and gross box office receipts. "Certainly, an affinity for French culture couldn't hurt since they will definitely want to squeeze in some shopping and dining around their outward show of support," said White House Chief of Staff Denis McDonough. "We just want to make sure we're putting our best foot forward because France deserves that. Next time. "Think Denzel Washington in *The Equalizer*," he added. "Not Jamie Foxx in *Annie*." In addition to today's popular stars, the list also includes post-tragedy stalwarts like George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio and Scarlett Johansson's breasts <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201110004>. In fact, reports say Sean Penn began rowing across the Atlantic as soon as he heard about the attack, in the event anyone needed to be rescued by boat. "Yes, Oprah Winfrey is on the list, but her availability depends on how many new schools in Africa she's breaking ground on <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201204004> that particular day," said McDonough. "Oh, and we can't forget Al Gore. You know, just in case someone attacks the environment." The White House reiterated the United States' commitment to providing the highest caliber of disimpassioned response to international tragedies, noting that "when we overreact, the terrorists win." "And let's face it," said Obama. "Who would you rather see: Angelina Jolie or my black ass?" TODAY'S TOP STORIES Baltimore Named Shittiest City In America <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=200601083> NFL Apologizes For Missed Call During 2008 Game <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201501002> Foreign Travelers To US See Strict Deodorant Checks <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201001003> Hall Of Fame Honors First Annoying Cell Phone Guy <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=200601076> Canon Showcases New 4D Printer At CES <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201501001> [image: Fake Advertisement] CAUGHT ON FILM [image: @KimJongUn #DudeNeedsAHobby] Kim Jong-un leans forward to push a button to launch a missile, or do the hokey pokey - we're not sure which. TO UNSUBSCRIBE, HIT REPLY AND ASK TO BE REMOVED FROM FUTURE MAILINGS. -- -- Thanks for being part of "PoliticalForum" at Google Groups. For options & help see http://groups.google.com/group/PoliticalForum * Visit our other community at http://www.PoliticalForum.com/ * It's active and moderated. Register and vote in our polls. * Read the latest breaking news, and more. --- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "PoliticalForum" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to [email protected]. For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout.
