*Southerners ~*
Southerners know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick
--------
Southerners know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah
--------
Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
-----------
Southerners know their religions:
Bapdiss
Methdiss
Football
--------------
Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna
---------------
Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in Uniform
Men in Tuxedos
Rhett Butler
-----------------
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon
--------------
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
----------
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a 'hissie fit' and
a 'conniption fit', and that you don't "HAVE" 'em, you "PITCH" 'em.
_____
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip
greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
_____
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general
direction of "yonder."
_____
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in:
"Going to town, be back directly."
_____
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the
white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the
middle of the table.
_____
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not
use the term, but they know the concept well.
_____
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a
neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl
of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also
know to add a large banana puddin'!
_____
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a
right fur piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or
20 miles.
_____
Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference
between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
_____
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the
flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or
an adverb.
_____
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and
when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!
_____
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover
they're related, even if only by marriage.
_____
In the South, “y'all” is singular, “all y'all” is plural.
_____
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat 'em.
_____
Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee
are perfectly wonderful; that red-eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that
scrambled eggs just ain’t right without Tabasco, and that fried green
tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you
know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
_____
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates
the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened.
"Sweet milk" means you don't want yucky buttermilk.
_____
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, “Bless her sweet
little heart"... and go your own way.
_____
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the
morning. Bless your lille heart!
_____
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this
Southern stuff....bless your little hearts, I hear they’re fixin' to have
classes on Southernness as a second language!
_____
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fah-evah!
There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living" for good reason. There
ain't nobody interested in livin' up north freezing their Yankee rear off,
nobody would buy the magazine!
Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or
wish they had a ‘been!
If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little pea-pickin',
carpetbagger heart,! Fake it! We know y'all got here as fast as you could.
__._,_.___
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