Ah! YES! the mighty THORazine. It's the only thing on the block that's better than Granma's Lye Soap.
On Mon, Dec 29, 2008 at 7:54 PM, Jim Willis < [email protected]> wrote: > > It's scary out there, no doubt about it. But; don't panic, with our > help you can get through this and live to see Obama impeached for > diddling a male intern, I'm just saying. In these uncertain times > you're likely to discover that alcohol will become an important coping > tool. After all, when did you ever see the drunks on an airplane panic > when the captain reports engine trouble? While the teetotalers are > making deals with God, wetting their pants and running up and down the > aisle with their hair on fire; the inebriated are in the back of the > plane singing, "Red Neck Mother". All I'm saying is consider vast > quantities of booze; and, by the way, I recommend Kentucky bourbon. > It's as smooth as a prom queens thighs and only half as risky. > > As economic Armageddon befalls every financial sector you will suffer, > "Social collapse run-down economic woes ebullition derangement" or > "SCREWED". And; while there isn't a cure there is a treatment. > Pharmaceutical trials have shown Thorazine to be effective in > treating, "SCREWED". Side Effects include drooling, lazy eye, > hallucinations, hair loss, sexual side effects, seizures, anal > leaking, Chlamydia, diaper rash, bleeding gums, bubble butts, suicide, > sewer rats, thumb sucking, necrophilia, necropsy, warts, freckles, > coma, whimpering and death. As with all medicines, consult your > healthcare provider before taking any medication. If you don't want to > get, "Screwed" consider Thorazine. Thorazine also comes in a colorful, > cherry flavor for children and is safe for infants. Pick some up > today! > > Sooner or later it's going to happen. You'll be standing on a street > corner trying to talk yourself out of jumping in front of the next > bus. That's normal; trust me. It's not going to be easy keeping a > positive attitude with the world falling down around you. However; > there are proven techniques you can employ to, "Sunny up" your > horizons. We suggest Hookers. That's right; hookers. Cheap hookers > will put a smile on your face and a song in your heart. And; under an > Obama administration they are tax deductible. If you're really lucky > you'll get a fatal STD that will put you out of your misery. When > visiting that hooker, be sure you tell her Conservative Springfield > sent you. You'll get a discount and we'll get our cut. Everybody > wins! > > In trying times it always makes you feel better when you come across > someone worse off than you. That's just human nature. When you're > really down we suggest visiting an orphanage, burn unit, critical care > facility or morgue. Once you see just how destitute, despondent and > dead others are, you can't help feeling better about yourself. After > all; it's all about perspective and your relative position to those > less fortunate than you. So, revel in someone else's misery and feel > better about your lot in life. Proving, once again, misery does love > company. > > Just a couple more tips. Taking for granted that you will lose your > home shortly after Obama takes office you'll be shopping for an > apartment or refrigerator box. Make sure to get one on the first > floor. As your depression about the depression worsens, you will be > tempted to jump out the window. > If for any reason you have to replace your stove; get electric, not > gas. That way, when you feel the urge to put your head in the oven, > you'll just singe a little hair. > Just remember; whatever's left after four years of Obama we can sell > to Mexico for kindling. I'm just saying. > Conservative Springfield 29 DEC 08 > > > -- *~@):~{> --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ Thanks for being part of "PoliticalForum" at Google Groups. For options & help see http://groups.google.com/group/PoliticalForum * Visit our other community at http://www.PoliticalForum.com/ * It's active and moderated. Register and vote in our polls. * Read the latest breaking news, and more. -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
