"Dead Hobos" funny. but this idiot's ideas are as modern as that other "dodo" algoracle.
On Fri, Feb 6, 2009 at 4:56 PM, Cold Water <[email protected]> wrote: > * > > > > Sent to you by CW via Google Reader: > > > Dead Hobo Glitch Claims Another White House > Appointee<http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2009/02/dead-hobo-glitch-claims-another-obama-cabinet-appointee-.html> > via iowahawk <http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/> by iowahawk on 2/6/09 > > WASHINGTON - U.S. Energy Secretary Stephen Chu announced his resignation > this morning amid new reports that Alameda County workers had unearthed more > than a dozen additional dead hobo bodies at his former home in Berkeley, > California. The Nobel Prize-winning physicist had been the subject of a > week-long controversy after he amended his White House application form to > declare "3 or 4" hobo corpses in his crawl space, but after this morning's > discovery, Chu said he felt he could no longer serve as an effective > spokesman for Administration energy policy. > > "Getting America on the road to energy independence requires a secretary > focused full time on developing comprehensive strategies for alternative > fuels, rather than a political distraction over a handful of decomposing > drifters," said Chu. "I'm afraid I am no longer that person." > > Chu said he would return to Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory, where he > will resume his scientific work investigating particle dynamics and local > homeless shelters. President Obama said he would accept the resignation with > regret, and expressed hope that a new Secretary could be named within the > week. > > "It was an honest mistake on Dr. Chu's part," said the President. "The > section of the screening questionnaire about dead hobos has been confusing > for a lot of nominees. In his defense it only specifies 'basement/crawl > space/storage shed,' so I can somewhat understand why he didn't mention the > ones discovered by the backhoe yesterday. That said, it's important that we > move forward with revitalized American energy leadership. I'd like to thank > Dr. Chu for his service and delicious home-made beef jerky, and wish him > well in his future endeavors." > > Sources inside the administration say the President is favoring University > of Texas petroleum geologist / registered sex offender G. Harland Tellis as > Chu's replacement. He expected to face stiff opposition from netroots blog > sites like the Huffington Post, who have thrown their support behind British > pop singer Gary Glitter. > > The Chu hobo kerfuffle was the latest in a week-long series of Obama > administration personnel imbroglis that have led to 36 resignations since > Tuesday. Former HHS Secretary Tom Daschle and Chief Performance Officer > Nancy Killefer saw their tenures cut short over tax issues, which continue > to dog Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. Geithner is also dogged over > dogs, after his failure to report over $14,000 in income from his backyard > pitbull fight business. A federal grand jury probe over an alleged 12-state > outlaw motorcycle gang methamphetamine network forced Commerce Secretary > designate Bill Richardson to resign before Mr. Obama's inauguration. Labor > Secretary Hilda Solis faces continued scrutiny over late taxes, lobbying, > and involvement in a Tijuana car theft ring, while National Security advisor > Samantha Power has received GOP criticism over her 2006 volunteer work as a > sniper for the Taliban. Her boss, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, has > yet to deliver a promised 'full explanation' after police discovered 11 > Laotian prostitutes caged in the garage of her Chappaqua NY home. > Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack faces increasing questions over his > one-time membership in an all-white golf and satanic baby snatching club. > Last week Mr. Obama was forced to amend an earlier executive order banning > lobbyist from administration jobs after news reports identified over a dozen > members of his team who previously, or currently, lobbied on behalf of > Raytheon, General Dynamics, the UAW, Church of Scientology, the Crips, > ACORN, SPECTRE, Friends of Ebola, North Korea, Coalition for a Human-Free > Planet, and MSNBC. The revised executive order, which requires Executive > Branch employees to limit lobbying to lunch breaks, is expected to be > revised again before the week. > > Deputy administration press spokesman Bob Hitler Jr. brushed off press > gallery question this afternoon following the Chu announcement, and said > that early stumbles are part of every presidential transition. > > "I think the American public understands that whenever there's a transfer > of power, there are always going to be a couple of trips and stumbles, > followed by an ethics imbroglio or two, and maybe a little glitchy pecadillo > kerfuffle snafu," said Hitler. "If anything, these resignations just go to > show how committed President Obama is to bringing ethics back to Washington. > After the days of Scooter Libby and Jack Abramoff, I think the American > public can pride that almost 80% of the White House staff have full legal > permission to pass within 300 feet of a public playground." > > Whether the skein of ethics problems will dent the President's popularity > is yet to be seen. Newsweek's longtime political analyst Jonathan Alter said > he would award Mr. Obama another record 75th straight "up arrow" in his > weekly Convential Wisdom column, but warned that he must act quickly before > he loses control of the agenda. > > "I blame Rahm Emanuel for this mess, and Obama needs to tell him to fix it > now. The President has to get the public's attention focused on the his > new improved $180 quadrillion stimulus package and his weekend Vanity Fair > cover shoot with Annie Leibowitz," said Alter, collapsing into tears while > clinging to his Bearack the Bear plush inauguration collectible. > > White House chief of staff Emanuel, who awaits arraignment in a > Hopkinsville KY jail following his early Wednesday arrest for truck stop > prostitution, was not available for comment. > > http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/ > > > * > > > > -- *~@):~{> --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ Thanks for being part of "PoliticalForum" at Google Groups. For options & help see http://groups.google.com/group/PoliticalForum * Visit our other community at http://www.PoliticalForum.com/ * It's active and moderated. Register and vote in our polls. * Read the latest breaking news, and more. -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
