From: Travis
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From: Chuck Shepherd
Date: Sun, Feb 8, 2009
Subject: News of the Weird, February 8, 2009
WEIRDNUZ.M096 (News of the Weird, February 8, 2009)
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Poetry on the Rise: (1) Twelve local poets jumped into the frigid
Green Lake in Seattle in December, just because they thought it
would be a good way to publicize their art. "It's not enough to
write," said one. "You need that audience." (2) The Ontario Court
of Appeal overturned the conviction of Antonio Batista in
November, declaring that his "death threat" against a Missassauga
city council member, in the form of a sonnet on long-neglected
potholes, was more likely literary expression. (3) Jose Gouveia, 45,
recently published "Rubber Side Down," a book of poems by
bikers about the open road (including 17-syllable "baiku"), some
from the educationally-upscale Highway Poets Motorcycle Club of
Cambridge, Mass. [United Press International, 12-14-08] [Globe
& Mail, 11-5-08, National Post, 11-29-08] [Boston Globe, 10-21-
08]
Can't Possibly Be True
* An Oregon district attorney's office set out two years ago to
prosecute David Simmons for having sex the year before with his
girlfriend, then 14, while he was 17. A grand jury in Jefferson
County refused to indict Simmons, but the prosecutor acted exactly
like the indictment had gone through, and no one, even Simmons,
noticed the mistake. Only when Simmons agreed to plead guilty in
exchange for a 30-day sentence in October 2006 did the news
finally reach the foreman of the grand jury that had "no-billed"
Simmons, and the foreman's complaint caused the judge to dismiss
the conviction. However, in December 2008, prosecutors in
neighboring Lane County charged Simmons anew for that 2005
tryst, claiming that "double jeopardy" does not apply because the
Jefferson County case never legally happened (in that Simmons
was never really indicted). [Register-Guard (Eugene), 12-17-08]
* Hysterectomies by ordinary surgery can take hours to perform,
several days' recovery, and six weeks off from work, largely from
the trauma of cutting open the abdomen, but recent advances in
laproscopy have reduced the burdens dramatically because the four
required incisions are each only about one-eighth of an inch long.
The Chicago Sun-Times reported in December that one of the
leading practitioners, Dr. Richard Demir of South Barrington, Ill.,
had recently been recognized by the Guinness Book of World
Records for having removed a 7-lb. uterus via laproscopy (by
cutting the organ into smaller pieces and pulling each out through
the tiny incisions). [WMAQ-TV (Chicago), 12-13-08]
Inexplicable
* Police in New Britain, Conn., arrested Joel Rubin, 42, in January
and charged him with using a stolen credit card, but unanswered
was why Rubin also tried to use his own store discount card to get
a lower price on the merchandise. It was Rubin's name on the
discount card that tipped off police, and it was not immediately
clear why Rubin wanted to save a few bucks off a bill that would
be sent to someone else. [Hartford Courant, 1-13-09]
* Secondary-Level Questions: (1) In December, Pauline McCook
of Britain's Isle of Sheppey reported the theft from her front yard of
her life-sized glass statue of mobster Al Capone. It was not
reported why McCook would have such a statue in the first place.
(2) In Plant City, Fla., in December, Robert Thompson and Taurus
Morris were charged with armed burglary after taking a woman's
eggbeater from her at knifepoint. It was not reported why they
wanted the eggbeater or why the victim had to be threatened at
knifepoint to get it. [BBC News, 12-15-08] [Tampa Tribune, 12-
15-08]
Unclear on the Concept
* In November, some African-American leaders in Danville, Ill.,
complained when eight black players were cut from the Danville
High School basketball team at once, charging that the coach was
engaging in "racial profiling" by, in the words of a black pastor,
"[taking] a look at the way the young men wore their hair." The
coach pointed out that though all the dismissed players are black,
so are all eight retained players, and that two of the retained players
wore the same style braids to which the pastor was referring.
[Danville News Gazette, 11-26-08]
* The December student rioting in Athens, Greece (triggered by a
police officer's shooting of an unarmed 15-year-old boy), was so
intensive that the police department quickly ran through its arsenal
of tear gas and was forced to use supplies that were 25 years old.
One demonstrator told a Times of London reporter that it was
unfair for police to use canisters that old because they contained
dangerous chemicals that caused rioters to get "sick" and to "have
trouble breathing." [The Times (London), 12-12-08]
* It's Supposed to Be the Other Way Around: On the South
Boulder (Colo.) Creek Trail in January, as a woman was standing
beside her bicycle, a cow wandered by and tipped her over (and
then stepped on her legs before meandering off). [MSNBC-AP, 1-
20-08]
People With Issues
* "I take [my baby] to the park . . . maybe put it in its stroller, or
put it in its sling, or hold it in a blanket," the 49-year-old "mother"
told ABC News reporters in January, lovingly describing her play-
like infant. She is of the "reborn" community of women whose
maternal instinct leads them to mother fake babies as they would
real ones (which they choose not to have, or cannot have). Reborn
dolls are exquisitely manufactured, selling for $500 and up, and
require real baby clothes rather than doll suits. In addition to the
obvious benefits (no diapers, no college fund), realborns will
always be infants and never bratty adolescents. A psychiatrist told
the reporters that she would not be surprised to find that the
"mother" of a reborn would "have the same chemical, hormonal
reactions as if she was holding a real baby." [ABC News, 1-2-09]
Least Competent Person
* Daniel Petric, 15 at the time, shot his parents in October 2007
(killing his mother) after they took away his violent Halo 3 video
game. In January 2009, Judge James Burge pronounced Petric
guilty of murder, rejecting his lawyers' claim that Petric was insane
at the time because he had confused "killing" cartoon avatars with
killing humans. However, even though the legal test of insanity
was not met, Judge Burge acknowledged that Petric "had no idea at
the time he hatched this plot that if he killed his parents, they
would be dead forever." [WBBM-TV (Chicago)-AP, 1-12-09]
Recurring Themes
* More People Disrespecting Railroad Tracks: (1) Toronto police
officers investigating a robbery at The Beer Store in January
parked their cruiser to investigate but admitted later (after a train
had crushed it) that it was probably "a little bit on the tracks." (2)
A 68-year-old driver got stuck on tracks in Anaheim, Calif., in
December, and when panic set in at the sight of an oncoming train,
she unfortunately decided to call 911 on her cell phone, rather than
exit the car. (3) Matthew Randall, 40, had a happier ending in
Ashland, Mass., in October after he drove onto the rails and was
seen "barreling down the tracks" toward a train. CSX engineers
were able to slow down before the collision, which knocked the car
onto a side road, and Randall actually drove it home (and was later
arrested for leaving the scene, trespassing on railroad tracks, and of
course DUI). [Toronto Star, 1-26-09] [MSNBC, 12-17-08]
[Metrowest Daily News (Framingham, Mass.), 10-20-08]
No Time for Rehab
* (1) Katherine Kelly, 76, was arrested in November for stealing a
wallet from a supermarket basket in New York City. It was her
73rd arrest, at least, with 16 convictions, but police say it could be
more, in that they've found 36 aliases so far. (2) Henry Earl, 58, of
Lexington, Ky., gave rehab one more try in October after his arrest
number 1,333 (according to TheSmokingGun.com's public-records
search), almost all for public intoxication. [Newsday-AP, 11-18-
08] [Lexington Herald-Leader, 10-24-08]
A News of the Weird Classic (August 2002)
* New York's Newsday threw the improving-self-esteem
movement into confusion with a July 2002 profile of the Lane
brothers (who are both in their 40's) of New York City. Winner
Lane (his birth name) has a long rap sheet of petty crimes, while
his younger brother, Loser Lane (also his birth name), is a
decorated police detective in South Bronx. [Newsday, 7-22-02]
Thanks This Week to Candy Clouston, Emmitt Dove,
Vince Brock, Paul Healey, Jesse Beck, and Katey Jayne Boller, and
to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://www.WeirdUniverse.net <http://www.weirduniverse.net/> (or
www.NewsoftheWeird.com <http://www.newsoftheweird.com/>) or
mail [email protected] / P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL
33629.
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