I friggin LOVE the Onion! On Jun 29, 5:53 am, "Mrs. Rabbit" <[email protected]> wrote: > EL SEGUNDO, CA—Executives at Mattel Inc. held a press conference > Monday to unveil the toy company's latest product, Plain Pamela, a > homely doll designed to boost the confidence of girls ages 7 to 12. > > The pale, unsightly plaything, which has a plastic torso scaled to the > proportions of a 5-foot-4, 179-pound woman in her mid-30s, is being > touted as the first toy expressly intended to raise the sense of > physical and emotional self-worth in preteen females. > > "While we still value our classic Barbie franchise, we understand the > need for dolls that offer an alternative body image," Mattel CEO > Robert Eckert said. "And that's why we've created Plain Pamela. She's > drab, she's dumpy, she's nothing to write home about, and she's going > to make the girls of America feel like beauty queens." > > Added Eckert, "Relatively speaking." > > Mattel, which has been criticized in the past for promoting > unrealistic standards of beauty, claimed that the new doll would not > only improve the self-esteem of growing girls, but would also give > them someone to feel superior to for hours on end. > > Modestly priced at $7.99, each Plain Pamela doll comes prepackaged > with a variety of unflattering and ill-fitting blouses to drape over > her shapeless torso, as well as a packet of paste-on psoriasis spots > to apply along her arms and back. > > Mattel designers have also included a button at the base of the doll's > pudgy neck that randomly plays one of 24 preprogrammed phrases, > including "I wish I was pretty like you," "That's okay, you go out and > have fun without me," and "Ugh." > > "Kids today want toys that are highly customizable," Eckert said. > "Which is why every Plain Pamela comes with four interchangeable > hairstyles: Just-Woke-Up, Too-Long, Too-Short, and What's-the-Point-of- > Even-Trying-Anymore-It's-Not-Like-It's-Going-to-Make-a-Difference. > Girls are going to love deciding which of Pamela's hairdos makes them > look prettier by comparison." > > "Plus, each doll comes with a variety of fun, ego-enhancing features > that will allow girls to feel better about themselves as they help > Pamela fit into her size-14 doll pants or wipe refillable 'tears' from > her swollen face," Eckert added. "This is a huge leap forward in body- > positive toys." > > Mattel plans in the future to sell a number of playsets for the doll, > including the Plain Pamela Cramped Studio Apartment, complete with > special Dinner-for-One Kitchenette and Depressing Stack of Old People > Magazines. > If Plain Pamela catches on with kids, company officials said, she may > soon be joined by an entire line of fun, psychologically reassuring > friends. Already in the works for the fall are Lil'-Too-Drunk Linda, > whose debilitating dependence on alcohol will make any girl feel > better about her own unstable home life, and Plain Pamela's > Sympathetic Gay Friend, Craig. > > Medical consultants for Mattel have confirmed that the poorly postured > and overly awkward doll can effectively serve as an image-enhancing > device for children. > > "Preliminary tests have shown that as little as one hour of playtime > with Plain Pamela can make even the frumpiest, least self-assured > young girl feel remarkably positive about her own physical > attributes," Mattel child psychologist Dr. Martin Janosch said. > "Which, if you've seen the Plain Pamela doll, is not entirely > surprising." > > Added Dr. Janosch, "She's not exactly easy on the eye." > > Mattel also announced that it would begin production next year on > Timorous Tim, a fey, cowardly action figure designed to boost the > confidence of shy young boys > > http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_homely_doll_to_improve_self?... > > Gotta love the onion! --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ Thanks for being part of "PoliticalForum" at Google Groups. For options & help see http://groups.google.com/group/PoliticalForum
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