These are a hoot. time to have some fun. thanks. On Thu, Aug 6, 2009 at 8:40 AM, Bruce Majors <[email protected]> wrote:
> > > > > > > ** *If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.* ** *If you spot > terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell > really loud. * ** *If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall > with your shoulder.* ** *If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, > stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.* ** *Use your > flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!* ** *To eliminate smallpox, > wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand under a faucet with > no sink.* ** *Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth > criminal with scary eyes, run away now. * ** *People, animal corpses and > the biohazard symbol are all at risk of being sucked into the time-tunnel > vortex.* ** *Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. > Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.* ** *If a door is > closed, karate chop it open. > * ** *If your building collapses, climb under your table and practice yoga > postures.* * > * > ** *After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may > have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.* ** *If you've > become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the > window. No one wants to see that.* * > * > ** *Your respiratory and digestive systems are optional. Cast them aside > if you feel you no longer need them. * ** *If you are trapped under > falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.* ** *Survive a biohazard > attack by first standing, then begging on your knees, then rolling over and > playing dead.* ** *Do not drive a station wagon if a utility pole is > protruding from the hood.* ** *A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be > sufficient protection against radiation.* ** *No pyromaniacs admitted.* ** > *A quick family snapshot in front of the latest scene of a terrorist > attack may became a treasured family keepsake that will preserve precious > memories for years to come.* ** *That closet door in your bedroom leads to > the gates of Hell. Don't go there.* ** *The middle of a terrorist attack > is not an appropriate time to catch up on your reading or paperwork.* ** *If > you see colors in the sky, grasp your throat and pretend to choke yourself. > Girls go for that.* ** *If your intended destination is suddenly > vaporized, consider pulling over and watching the cool light show.* ** *If > the weather is overcast with dark skies, look for worms in the grass.* ** > *After all life is gone, modern appliances will continue to run forever. > Think about it.* ** *Your telephone may be a practicing physician. Look > for a phone with no numbers on it.* *"Wash your hands" of traditional > long distance telephone providers.* * > * * > * * > * * > * ** *In time of war, real Americans eat red meat only! No wimpy fish or > poultry, please.* ** *There is a reason you failed chemistry**.* ** *Watch > out for people who come out of white tents and try to steal the shirt off > your back.* *If you are trapped with no hope of being found, amuse > yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets.* ** *Radioactive > materials come in 4 convenient sizes: > - individual dose > - family value size > - neighborhood spray pump size > - supersize!* * > * * > * ** *When the looting begins remember to consider the weight/value ratio. > Here we have a few examples of high value, low effort.* > > > <http://www.safenow.org/> > > > <http://www.safenow.org/> > > > <http://www.safenow.org/> > > > <http://www.safenow.org/> > > > <http://www.safenow.org/> > > http://www.safenow.org/ > > > > __._,_.___ > > > Your email settings: Individual Email|Traditional > Change settings via the > Web<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RumblesAList/join;_ylc=X3oDMTJnNzV2cTZoBF9TAzk3NDc2NTkwBGdycElkAzIxMTI2MzIwBGdycHNwSWQDMTcxMTY0MzYyNwRzZWMDZnRyBHNsawNzdG5ncwRzdGltZQMxMjQ5NTYyMTgy>(Yahoo! > ID required) > Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily > Digest<[email protected]?subject=email+delivery:+Digest>| > Switch > to Fully > Featured<[email protected]?subject=change+delivery+format:+Fully+Featured> > Visit Your Group > <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RumblesAList;_ylc=X3oDMTJlN3VqcTFoBF9TAzk3NDc2NTkwBGdycElkAzIxMTI2MzIwBGdycHNwSWQDMTcxMTY0MzYyNwRzZWMDZnRyBHNsawNocGYEc3RpbWUDMTI0OTU2MjE4Mg-->| > Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use <http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/>| Unsubscribe > <[email protected]?subject=unsubscribe> > > __,_._,___ > > > > > --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ Thanks for being part of "PoliticalForum" at Google Groups. For options & help see http://groups.google.com/group/PoliticalForum * Visit our other community at http://www.PoliticalForum.com/ * It's active and moderated. Register and vote in our polls. * Read the latest breaking news, and more. -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
