* Getting Nancy Pelosi the reconstructive surgery needed to stop people from describing her face as “had a swordfight ‘To The Pain<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKl28Qtc4nI>‘ and lost”. * Hiring people to fill out the government paperwork on how many jobs you created with your stimulus money * Hitting on college freshmen (just the hot chicks). * Buying cars for a Driver’s Ed class. * Giving the baby-sitter a raise. * Putting even MORE chocolate chips in Chips Ahoy! cookies. * Requiring road construction projects to employ both primary and back-up “shovel leanin’ guys”. * Shopping cart repair for homeless people. * Lawnmower drag race pit crew. * Re-felting old muppets. * Upgrading the nation’s energy grid to allow it to receive power directly from the Energizer Bunny <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mOYD2Xyppc>.
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