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> > _-------_Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler > > > > December 8 6:00 PM > > It started to snow. The first snow of the season and > > the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours > by > > the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down > > from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So > > > romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! > > December 9 > > We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow > > covering every inch of the landscape. What a > fantastic > > sight! Can there be a more lovely place in > > the whole world? Moving here was the best idea > I've > > ever had! > > > Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a > > boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. > > This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered > > up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got > > > to shovel again. What a perfect life! > > December 12 > > The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a > > disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- > > we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow > on > > Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so > much > > snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to > see > > snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob > is such > > a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor. > > December 14 > > Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The > > temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything > > sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed > up by > > shoveling the driveway and > sidewalks. This is > > the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and > > buried everything again. I didn't > > realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, > > but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I > wish > > I wouldn't huff and puff so. > > December 15 > > 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 > > Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and > 2 > > extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants > > a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think > > > that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all. > > > December 16 > > Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in > > the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The > > wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very > > cruel. > > December 17 > > Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go > > anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to > > > pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but > > stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I > > > should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit > it to > > her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't > believe > > I'm freezing to death in my own livingroom. > > December 20 > > Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of > > the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all > > day. The damn snowplow came by twice. > > Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said > > > they're too busy playing hockey. I think > they're > > lying. > > Called the only hardware store around to see about > > buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have > > another shipment in March. I think they're lying. > Bob > > says I have to shovel or the city will have it done > > and bill me. I think he's lying. > > December 22 > > Bob was right about a white Christmas > because 13 more > > inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so > cold, > > it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 > minutes > > to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I > > had to pee. By the time I got undressed, pee'd > and > > dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to > > hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of > > the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think > the > > ass is lying. > > December 23 > > Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. > > The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house > > this morning. What is she, nuts?!! > > Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She > > > says she did but I think she's lying. > > December 24 > > 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke > > the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I > > ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow > > > plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls > and > > beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he > > hides around the corner and waits for me to finish > > shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 > > miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've > just > > been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas > > carols with her and open our presents, but I was too > > busy watching for the damn snowplow. > > December 25 > > Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn > > slop tonight - Snowed in > > The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate > > > the snow! > > Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation > > > and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife > > says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a > fricking > > idiot. If I have to watch 'It's A Wonderful > Life' one > > more time, I'm going to stuff her into the > microwave. > > December 26 > > Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It > > was all HER idea. > > She's really getting on my nerves. > > December 27 > > Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes freeze; > > plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he > > only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes. > > December 28 > > Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is > > driving me crazy!!! > > December 29 > > 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or > > it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I > ever > > heard. How dumb does he think I am? > > December 30 > > Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and > now > > he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for > the > > beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the > > broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to > > her mother. > > Nine more inches > predicted. > > December 31 I set fire to what's left of > > the house. No more > > shoveling. > > January 8 > > Feel so good. I just love those little white pills > > they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? > > ------------------------- > > > > > > > > > > > > -- Thanks for being part of "PoliticalForum" at Google Groups. For options & help see http://groups.google.com/group/PoliticalForum * Visit our other community at http://www.PoliticalForum.com/ * It's active and moderated. Register and vote in our polls. * Read the latest breaking news, and more.
