Is Obama a hard-drinking, chain-smoking president? Some people thought that after seeing the advice on his medical exam<http://hotair.com/archives/2010/03/01/obamas-doctors-recommend-moderation-of-alcohol-intake/>, but most of that was just boilerplate. Here’s some of the other advice he got which is also all pretty much standard: * “There is a point at which the amount of arugula you consume is unhealthy.” * “Make sure to carefully clean any wound from Joe Biden biting you. And he will bite you.” * “If you every time you go to the park, a duck knocks you down and pecks you in the face, maybe you shouldn’t go to the park.” * “If you need to lose weight, the solution isn’t to eat more. I know that’s how your brain works, so I thought I’d tell you.” * “You say you got these bruises from ‘walking into a window,’ but I want you to know you can be open with me if your spouse is abusing you… oh, wait, it’s on video and you did walk into a window mistaking it for a door. What kind of moron are you?” * “You wouldn’t get so many nose bleeds if you kept your finger out of there.” * “Though I know you need to spend a lot of time with Congressional Democrats, try really hard never to touch any of them.” * “It’s not really a health issue, but you shouldn’t need a teleprompter for a doctor’s visit.” * “Stop checking every bucket to see whether your head can fit in it.” * “Two black eyes means to me you’re just not meant to wield nunchucks.” * “A healthy man’s ears shouldn’t be that big.” * “When people mentioned jobs and war, you thought ‘health care.’ This could be some sort of associative disorder and should be monitored.” * “I’d like to run some tests to check for a mental handicap… it’s completely routine. If you’re good, you’ll get a lollipop!”
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