Since he is a world scale liar, then that would have been good to
hear. SNL would be set for the next decade from that one.
www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/ct-met-kass-0502-20100502,0,2514419.column
<http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/ct-met-kass-0502-20100502,0,2514419.column>
chicagotribune.com
Pass the Hopium, America; Obama won't testify in Blago case after all
President won't have to renounce Chicago politics
John Kass
May 2, 2010
It's time to break out your Hopium pipes, America!
So, trim some lush greenfro from that Happy Obama Chia head perched on
your kitchen windowsill. Tamp it down, fire it up, and let's party.
Here's why:
A distinguished federal judge ruled Friday that President Barack Obama
will not have to testify in the political corruption case against former
Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich.
And a nation sighs with relief.
Just last week, Hopium heads and Democratic pols shuddered at the
prospect of a president from Chicago testifying in a corruption case
involving a Chicago politician.
Obama's presence at the Blagojevich trial might have given some people
the strange idea that Obama's hope-and-change White House was chock-full
of Chicago politicians.
Mercy.
What would the nation glean from such a summer spectacle, as we gird our
loins for the mid-term congressional elections in November?
I can't say exactly. And sadly, we may never know.
"The testimony of the president is not material to this case," ruled
U.S. District Judge James Zagel.
Blagojevich's defense motion sought to compel Obama's testimony as a way
of undercutting the credibility of Tony Rezko, who could be a key
prosecution witness.
Chicagoans know Rezko. So does Obama. Rezko is the president's personal
real estate fairy, who happens to be a convicted influence peddler.
Rezko will be tried in another case after former Gov. Dead Meat stands
trial in June.
If Rezko goes down on the second case as well, he might be facing 10
years in federal prison. The old common wisdom suggested that Rezko
would say only nice things about his old buddy Barack and wait for a
Golden Ticket and be carried out of prison on federal gossamer wings
sometime in Obama's second term.
But if Obama testifies, the president might distance himself from his
old friends. He might say --- as he has publicly in the past --- "That's
not the Tony Rezko I know."
Zagel didn't shut the door on the issue and said he'd be willing to
discuss it later. But why wait?
Don't bogart all that Hopium, my friends. Pass it around and let's talk
about it right now.
After Zagel's rather legally responsible --- but terribly unfortunate
--- ruling, I asked a question of Blagojevich's attorney, Sheldon Sorosky.
Wouldn't it help Obama to take the stand and separate himself once and
for all from Chicago politics?
"The president is not a Chicago politician," Sorosky declared. "He is
not. And it wouldn't hurt him at all to testify. It would help his image."
Jeepers. Help his image? Obama is not a Chicago politician?
If I didn't know better, I would have thought Sorosky snuck some Hopium
tokes before the hearing. But he's no glassy-eyed true believer. He's a
criminal defense attorney.
Still, it would be wise for Obama to testify, to prove he's not a
Chicago politician and that he's transcended the politics of the past.
The president might be advised to write to the judge: "Judge Zagel, you
want me on that stand, you need me on that stand! Please, Judge Zagel,
let me testify to show everyone I'm not a Chicago politician."
All it takes is a few tokes of Hopium to imagine Obama, in a blue suit,
maroon tie and white shirt, taking the witness stand. After ripping on
Rezko for the Blagojevich side, he'd undergo cross-examination from some
pesky government prosecutor.
What follows is a certified yet highly imaginary transcript of some
future testimony.
Smarty Pants Lawyer: Isn't it true, Mr. President, that in 2002, as an
Illinois state senator, you told journalist Jeff Berkowitz, on tape, the
following: "Right now, my main focus is to make sure we elect Rod
Blagojevich as governor."
Obama: Well, look. That's not the Rod I knew.
Smarty Pants Lawyer: Isn't it true, Mr. President, that in 2006, you
wrote a letter to the voters of Cook County, vigorously endorsing the
hapless Urkel of political Chicago, Todd Stroger, for County Board
president?
Obama: Well, uh, look. At this point in time, to the best of my
knowledge, I can't recall.
Smarty Pants Lawyer: Did you not write, and I quote, "Todd is a good,
progressive Democrat who will bring values and sensibility to the job"?
Did you not write these words, sir?
Obama: That's not the Todd I knew.
Smarty Pants Lawyer: And isn't it true that in April of 2010, you
publicly hugged Alexi Giannoulias and called him, and I quote, Illinois'
"soon-to-be senator"? Doesn't that make you a real Chicago politician?
Obama: I decline to answer on the grounds that it might incriminate me.
Smarty Pants Lawyer: No further questions, your honor.
Distinguished Judge Zagel (too softly to be heard by many in his
courtroom): The witness is excused.
Of course, Obama probably never will testify. It is but a dream I have,
our president finally confronting Chicago politics.
Until then, my friends, pass the Hopium.
[email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>
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