[image: CAP News]
   Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at last year's world leaders holiday party
Obama Vows Xmas Gift Sanctions Against Iran

WASHINGTON (CAP) - Following a tumultuous visit from Iran President Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad comes word from Washington that President Obama is weighing
tough sanctions if that country does not back off its nuclear program. That
could include halting Doritos imports to Iran, blocking Facebook friend
requests, and eliminating Christmas gifts this holiday season.

"I will not hesitate to tell President Ahmadinejad that, uhh, he's not
invited to the grab this year," Obama said of the annual world leaders
holiday gift exchange. "No doubt it will hurt because we know how much he
loves doing that every year."

Despite the tough stance by the president, he may not have the backing of
the United Nations, many members of which are upset that Obama is poised to
implement something that affects the entire governing body without
consulting them first. United Nations secretary general Ban Ki-moon said if
Ahmadinejad cannot attend, the holiday party "just won't be the same."
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"If we cannot enjoy Mahmoud's company at the party, then we also cannot
enjoy Mahmoud's deviled eggs at the party," said Ban. "And that would be a
shame for all of the world."

Ban said he would rather see Iran face sanctions with an immediate but not
lasting impact, such as taking away Ahmadinejad's Wii video console for a
week. According to Ban, the problem with banning the Iranian leader from the
holiday gathering is that the snub would be felt throughout all of next year
while waiting for the next party, a punishment that Ban deems too harsh.

"It is not the job of the United Nations to make rash decisions," said Ban.
"We say stop. And if that does not work, we say stop again."

Meanwhile, it appears Obama has the support of not only congressional
Democrats, but a clear majority of Republicans as well. Yesterday the Senate
introduced bill S.1692, which authorizes the president to purchase fake dog
poo as a gift for Ahmadinejad this year, and the House of Representatives
passed a resolution declaring the United Nations "a bunch of weenies."

"We had to ask ourselves, if President Obama were white, would we support
this move?" said House minority leader Rep. John Boehner (R-OH). "And the
answer was a resounding, you betcha. So we put aside color for a moment and
focused solely on the issue at hand.

"That, my friends, is what's so great about America," Boehner added. "Plus,
we just love passing resolutions. No better way to wrap up the workweek than
with a good resolution."

If Obama's holiday sanctions come to fruition, Ahmadinejad has vowed to
block U.N. inspectors from trick-or-treating within Iranian borders this
Halloween.
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When you're stocking the fridge for that big weekend gathering, don't skimp
on the snacks and appetizers. If you're looking to cut corners, do it where
your friends won't even know the difference.
  FROM THE VAULT
[image: Clinton Launches Tirade At Drive-Thru Window]
<http://www.crystalair.com/story.php?id=200610001>
October 02, 2006

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