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From: Fellowship of the Minds <[email protected]>
Date: Mon, Jun 13, 2011 at 7:55 AM
Subject: [New post] Americans With No Abilities Act
To: [email protected]
<http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/author/eowyn2/> Americans With
No Abilities
Act<http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/2011/06/13/americans-with-no-abilities-act/>
*Eowyn <http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/author/eowyn2/>* | June 13,
2011 at 5:55 am | Tags:
ACORN<http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/?tag=acorn>,
Anthony Weiner <http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/?tag=anthony-weiner>,
Barbara Boxer <http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/?tag=barbara-boxer>,
Harry
Reid <http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/?tag=harry-reid>, Nancy
Pelosi<http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/?tag=nancy-pelosi>,
public employee
unions<http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/?tag=public-employee-unions>,
SEIU <http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/?tag=seiu>,
TSA<http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/?tag=tsa>| Categories:
Crazy
Politicians <http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/?cat=232565>,
Humor<http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/?cat=376>| URL:
http://wp.me/pKuKY-7vm
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Breaking News!
Washington, DC - June 13, 2011
The Obama Administration is urging Congress and the Senate to
pass sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many
Americans: The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA). President Obama said
he will sign it as soon as he squeezes out some free time from playing golf.
The AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the
millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50% of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary
to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California
Senator Barbara Boxer, a ready-made candidate for the AWNAA. "We can no
longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed
over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant
special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some
idea of what they are doing."
Another AWNAA candidate, Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY) also threw his
support for the bill: "As a representative an exhibitionist with a big small
weiner, too much time on my hands, but no abilities whatsoever, I believe
the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to
every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide
each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with
some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for
doing so."
In a Capitol Hill press conference, two other AWNAA candidates -- House
Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid
(D-NV) -- pointed to the success of Congress, which has a long-standing
policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately
74% of the members of Congress lack any job skills, making this institution
the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.
Other institutions and industries with good records of non-discrimination
against the Inept include teachers' unions (75%), Wisconsin public employee
unions (95%), SEIU (99%), TSA (99.5%), U.S. Dept of Homeland Security
(99.8%), ACORN (99.9%), and the Obama White House (100%).
At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an
excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%).
Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man'
positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real
responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to
guarantee upward mobility for even the most inept employees. The legislation
provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant
number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions,and gives a
tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one
clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to
discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory
interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that
relate to this job?"
"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have
something going for them," said Ken Cox, who lost his position as a TSA
screener at Kennedy International Airport due to his inability to remember
Janet Napolitano's instruction, "Strip Search All Blond, Blue-Eyed Babies!"
"This new law should be real good for people like me," Cox added.
H/t beloved fellows May & Joseph.
*~Eowyn*
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