This sounds so true.
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By Matt Hardigree
[2]Renting a car sucks
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[3]Renting a car sucksOn a recent trip to the airport rental counter I
marveled at the ability of the Avis/Budget representative to make me feel
like a criminal, a moron, and an irresponsible lout gambling with my life
all in the space of about eight minutes. Welcome to modern car rental.
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I've had a few decent car rental experiences lately, so it was a bit of a
shock to once again get the kind of smiling-yet-shitty treatment so well
represented in [4]this NSFW scene from the film _Planes, Trains, and
Automobiles_. Aren't we done with this?
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Rather than list all of the issues I have with the Avis/Budget
representative, it's best to portray these feelings in abridged transcript
form, complete with subtext.
This is also helpful because the guy behind the desk is probably a nice
person and not individually to blame. He's just a short-sleeved cog in a
machine designed to underestimate the intelligence of its customers.
_AVIS REP:_ What's your name?
_ME:_ Matt Hardigree
_AVIS REP:_ In town for business or visiting family?
_I need to buy time because I have to look you up on a computer slightly
less advanced than a Commodore 64._
_ME:_ Family, for a wedding.
_Glad you acknowledge that no one could ever come to this small Midwestern
town for pleasure._
_AVIS REP:_ Traveling alone or bringing anyone else with you?
_I would like to sell you crap you don't need, but first I need more
information._
_ME:_ Yes, two other people.
_Why is this any of your business? I can do with the car what I wish._
Renting a car sucks_AVIS REP:_ Looks like you have a mid-size, what kind of
car would you like?
_If this guy doesn't buy anything from me I'm putting him in a Chrysler
Sebring._
_ME:_ What do you have in my class?
_Anything but a Chrysler Sebring..._
_AVIS REP:_ Oh, we could get you in a Town Car, a lot of room for your other
folks and luggage. Maybe a Mustang, a little sportier.
_You really don't want a Chrysler Sebring._
_ME:_ A Town Car could be fun.
_How is that in my class?_
_AVIS REP:_ That'll be just $18 extra a day.
_I hope this guy is a moron._
_ME:_ I'd just like a car in my class please.
_I'm getting a Sebring._
_AVIS REP:_ Looks like all we have is a Chrysler Sebring.
_Despite the 20 other cars in your class you'll see outside._
_AVIS REP:_ Well, we recommend the full coverage insurance package, which
covers the car, the people, some of the belongings, and up to $2 million in
liability.
_Be afraid, be very afraid. Even though this Chrysler is only worth $9,000
and smells like fish you're somehow going to crash it into a bus full of
lawyers all carrying antique Ming vases and new Plasma TVs thus needing $2
million in liability coverage. You'll be broke. You'll be destitute. You'll
sell your skinny hipster body on the streets just to make up the cost of
this one Chrysler Sebring. And all you had to do was spend an extra $7 a day
on top of the price we already agreed to._
_ME:_ No thank you.
_There's nothing but corn for me to crash into._
Renting a car sucks_AVIS REP:_ Oh, well, we have a more economical version
of this insurance that covers the vehicle. Otherwise you'll have to pay
$10,000 towards the replacement of the car.
_Maybe you're only 40% moron and not aware that numerous insurance policies
and credit cards cover you when you rent a car so you only have to pay your
deductible._
_ME:_ No thank you.
_Why is this taking so long?_
_AVIS REP:_ If you'd like, you can pay to have us fill up your car for you
ahead of time. Otherwise if you don't bring it back full we charge you $9 a
gallon to fill it up.
_I hope you suddenly think there's no open gas stations within 50 miles of
this airport._
_ME:_ No, that's ok. I'll just fill it up.
_How is it $9? Is it really that expensive to truck gas to the center of the
country? What kind of fancy ass gas are you putting in your tractors?_
_AVIS REP:_ Well, you're not from around here. So you'll probably want the
GPS option.
_Everything in this state is oriented along two, maybe three highways. I'm
hoping you don't know that._
_ME:_ No thanks.
_I am 28 years old. I carry no less than three items equipped with GPS
everywhere I go._
_AVIS REP:_ Oh. Well. I'm just going to need you to sign and initial this
paper a few times just to acknowledge your liability and everything I told
you.
_Despite doing all of our booking online now, we're still the only business
in the Western world to use dot matrix printers printing on perforated
sheets of paper. So please wait a few minutes while this prints out._
_ME:_ Ok.
_It's taken me longer to rent this car than to fly here._
_AVIS REP:_ Have a good day.
_Just remember, if you scratch the car. If you crash into anyone. If you
don't put gas in it. If you look at it the wrong way it'll cost you ONE
HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS!_
_ME:_ Thanks.
_My God! What have I done?_
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July 11th, 2011 Top Stories
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