Just another person with problems...why is this on a Political Forum???
> Growing up in North Dakota in an environment abundant with oceans of > wheat, vast plains, rolling hills, and wonderful people, it's hard to > believe that such a tumultuous journey could lie ahead in a young > man's life. > To each outcast, in every sense possible, this piece is for you. > > In a quiet community of roughly 1,000 residents, I lived a fairly > "normal" existence. Worshiping in my hometown church, participating in > community events, and riding my bike everywhere until dusk was part of > everyday life. But dark clouds gathered in the distance of my sky, and > I had no idea a "perfect storm" would soon begin my Stepford-like > existence. > > For the first 16 years of my life, I was exposed to emotional trauma > at home and bullying and teasing in school, and I became very good at > trying to make everyone happy. I wore many hats when tackling my > ever-changing surroundings. My mother always instilled in me that > there was nothing I couldn't do. I was always encouraged. Sure, my > parents pushed for solid academics, but like all parents, they wanted > me to succeed. I embraced being respectful to everyone I was > surrounded by and used humor to attract attention in an attempt to > separate myself from my insecurities. > > I played every sport possible and was even named "Senior Athlete of > the Year." However, this "jock" was nervous, hated his looks, and was > forced into internal seclusion despite his outward demeanor. I never > realized I was struggling. Everything I was feeling, good, bad, or > otherwise, was simply pushed down and nearly unnoticeable. > > Fortunately, I was introduced to faith, true faith, during my teen > years and embraced all it had to offer. The Lord took my heart at the > age of 18 and never let it go. I'll never blame my faith for obstacles > I've endured. In fact, it's what keeps me going through the most > difficult of times. > > Staring at myself in a mirror, I internalized my shame, guilt, and > insecurities. I believed my appearance defined my existence. The > perfect grades, the perfect body, and appearing flawless would somehow > make me complete. I've learned, though, that we aren't mean to be > "perfect"; we're meant to be whole. > > College is everyone's opportunity to be free, thrive on their own, and > separate from their roots, right? Well, with no idea of where life > would take me, I spiraled into an addiction to exercise, paired with > anorexia -- aka "eating disorder not otherwise specified," or EDNOS. > > Yes. I'm a guy with an eating disorder, a jock, a Christian... and > gay. One of the major contributors to my illness was the internal > fight where faith was my guide and being gay was incredibly wrong. > However, I could never simply throw it away and believe that's why > I've struggled for so long. > > In an appearance on Dr. Phil in 2009, I sought help and endured six > months of residential treatment to begin my recovery. I addressed > emotional trauma, my parents' divorce, perfectionism, self-hate, > bullying, and family alcoholism. However, throughout that time, and > even the year after, I never addressed the internalized homophobia > that manifested out of my desire to please God. Contrary to popular > belief, eating disorders aren't about looking good. Through extreme > exercise and trying to control what I could, the physical, I nearly > killed myself, twice, by pushing my body to the brink, enduring > self-punishment and starvation. > > I've drawn my own conclusions about the responses I'll receive > concerning my sexuality: avoidance, hatred, acknowledgment, and pity. > Just FYI, I'll take any of those responses but pity. It's taken so > long to be where I am and to find my voice, so I'll never regret the > journey here. > > Telling a few loved ones that I'm gay has been interesting, but most > people who know me are learning this for the first time as they read > this piece. Aug. 31, 2010 was a first step. On that day I received the > craziest response: acceptance. That's the response I'd feared. Odd, > right? Even more terrifying, though, was that that person had > "wondered" about my sexuality for some time. > > Damn it. > > I thought, "Had all my personal hell and pain in silence been for > nothing?" I mean, my entire belief system wanted rejection and > ostracism; it's what I deserved for being "wrong." After all, I fought > for 22 years by myself and tried two years of traditional and > Christian counseling to change. If the Lord didn't love me, who would? > > You see, I knew I was "different" by age 5. In that small community, I > remember leaving the yard against my mother's instructions, stopping > next to a fire hydrant about a block from home, looking up at the sky, > talking to God, and asking Him for a boyfriend. I look back with two > contrasting views: first, what an incredibly pure and even "cute" > third-person memory of a boy praying to God innocently, but second, > this may have been the beginning of the shame I've always carried. > > On my knees I cried and prayed for God to take it away, to take me > away. I even prayed for a sign that would tell me that this was what > I'd have to carry by age 16. Needless to say, that age came and went. > > The movie Prayers for Bobby really hit home. Because of my incredible > faith and hope for acceptance, I imagined the mother and son as a > single unit, fighting for what was "right." Growing up with direct and > indirect messages that you're part of the moral decline of society is > rough. I'll never forget being told that God hates me or that I should > be isolated on an island. > > Self-hatred is nothing but a disease. Even if a small amount thrives > within, life doesn't have to throw much our way to bring down all the > good for which we've worked so hard. > > My biggest challenge now lies in societal assumptions. I'm not a label > or stereotype, and I refuse to be generalized. I'm still that > respectful young man from home, not because I'm gay, but because I'm > me. I don't emulate many of the caricatures of LGBT individuals in the > media. And, yes, I'm still Christian. It's not internalized > heterosexism when I say that my sexuality doesn't define me any more > than my eating disorder does. As a culture, we need to move beyond > limiting beliefs and one-dimensional labels that take away from the > amazing individuals we actually are. > > In my fight to end eating disorders, I've spoken to thousands through > advocacy with the National Eating Disorders Association, NORMAL in > Schools, Inc., the National Association of Males with Eating > Disorders, MentorConnect, PBS' This Emotional Life, and those working > legislatively to ensure a healthy environment for all. But before > today, I never mentioned my sexuality. I've always thought that > people, specifically men, have enough stigma when it comes to eating > disorders. From being told it's a "woman's-only issue" to being called > "weak," stigma prevents too many from seeking the help they deserve. > Why feed into the erroneous belief that everyone with an eating > disorder is gay? Not all people who have eating disorders are gay; > that fact should be pointed out. However, a large portion of the LGBT > community is plagued by this illness, stemming from non-acceptance, > self-hate, and feelings of unworthiness that must be addressed before > one more person is lost. I won't participate in the social structure > that denies anyone's opportunity to survive. > > To those individuals in my past who've thrown at me the words "p*ssy," > "f*ggot," or anything of the like, yes, I remember your names, faces, > and words, but I have to ask, "Are you happy now?" You may have been > correct in your assumptions concerning my sexuality, but you were very > wrong in estimating my resilience in recovery and my perseverance to > eventually stand on my own. > > I've had many mentors during the course of my life, and I pray that I > don't lose their respect. I'm the same individual I was 10 seconds > before they clicked this link. That said, if they turn away, it will > be my turn to take their place and become another's ally. > > I now embrace everything that's come to pass. I'm here for a reason. A > heart attack and organ failure resulting from an eating disorder, > partly fueled by internalized homophobia, nearly killed me, twice. > Being alive is God's way of saying He isn't finished with me yet. I > want to help find the gray in a society where black and white > dominate. Life isn't black and white, and the experiences we endure > help shape who we become. Fear is a major obstacle, and there's > advantage in being confident enough in your own opinions to educate > yourself without abandoning what you deeply believe. > > It's been said that man's greatest moment in life is when he finds out > who he truly is. Well, I'll admit that I'm still searching. Perhaps > not knowing is the greatest part? Rosie O'Donnell said she never knew > how liberating being open is. Well, here's to you, kiddo. > > My hope is that society can look at the real me. Don't assume a label > or jump to the physical. Rather, remember that I've done something. I > dedicated my existence to serving others, helping youth, using my past > to improve others' future. I want my parents to know that they did > well, and I want my family to believe that they helped this man > survive. > > I want to write a book, become an ambassador and a motivational > speaker, and make certain everyone knows there's always hope. I want > to change the world. > > My struggle has been difficult but worth it. I've believe there's > something powerful about saying, "I finally shared my secret. It was > no longer mine to keep." I'd encourage everyone to discover what it > truly means to feel worth it -- just as you are. > > More:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/troy-roness/coming-out_b_1285136.html > > -- > Together, we can change the world, one mind at a time. > Have a great day, > Tommy > > -- > Together, we can change the world, one mind at a time. > Have a great day, > Tommy -- Thanks for being part of "PoliticalForum" at Google Groups. For options & help see http://groups.google.com/group/PoliticalForum * Visit our other community at http://www.PoliticalForum.com/ * It's active and moderated. Register and vote in our polls. * Read the latest breaking news, and more.
