**
Hardnox posted: " ---∞--- An elderly man is stopped by the police
around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man
replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, hookers,
alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the" Respond to this post by
replying above this line
New post on *Fellowship of the Minds*
<http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/author/hardnox1/> Funny Friday –
November 2,
2012<http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/2012/11/02/funny-friday-november-2-2012/>
by
Hardnox <http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/author/hardnox1/>
<http://fellowshipofminds.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/boarding.jpg>
---∞---
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he
is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling,
hookers, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as
smoking, and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of
night?"
The man replies, "My wife."
---∞---
<http://fellowshipofminds.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/dude.jpg>
---∞---
A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he
saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been
On earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.'
'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never moved,
Indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved
twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's OBAMA’s clock?' asked the man.
St Peter replied, 'Jesus has it in his office. He uses it as a ceiling fan.'
---∞---
<http://fellowshipofminds.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/carreer-choice.jpg>
---∞---
While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator (that may be
redundant) was hit by a bus and died.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St.. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there
is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so
we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is
have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where
to spend eternity."
"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,
down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.
In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his
friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake
his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at
the expense of the people.
They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and
the finest champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having
a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it,
it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter
is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven...”
So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls
moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good
time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter
returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose
your eternity."
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never
have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would
be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to
hell...
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting
it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank
champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland
full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil smiles at him and says, "yesterday we were campaigning, today,
you voted.."
---∞---
Have a great Friday. Feel free to add your own.
~ Hardnox
*Hardnox <http://fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com/author/hardnox1/>* |
November 2, 2012 at 4:00 am | Categories: Funny
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