http://www.nationalreview.com/node/268331/print****
Tyrannous Regulation****

Mark Steyn****

** **

Cass Sunstein is head of something called the “Office of Information and
Regulatory Affairs.”  I’ve seen enough conspiracy thrillers to know that
when someone has so obvious a blandly amorphous federal-job description as
that, it means he’s running some deeply sinister wet-work operation of
illegal targeted assassinations in unfriendly nations that the government
spooks want to keep off the books and far from prying eyes.****

Oh, no, wait. Actually, Covert Operative Sunstein passes his day doing more
or less what the sign on the door says: He collects information about
regulatory affairs. More specifically, he is charged by the president with
“an unprecedented government-wide review of regulations” in order to
“improve or remove those that are out-of-date, unnecessary, excessively
burdensome or in conflict with other rules.”****

** **

How many has he got “removed” so far? Well, last week he took to the pages
of the *Wall Street Journal* to crow that dairy farmers will henceforth be
exempted from the burdens of a 1970s EPA-era directive classifying milk as
an “oil” and subjecting it, as Professor Sunstein typed with a straight
face, “to costly rules designed to prevent oil spills”. But Ol’ MacDonald
and his crack team of Red Adair–trained milkmaids can henceforth relax
because now, writes Professor Sunstein, Washington is “giving new meaning
to the phrase, ‘Don’t cry over spilled milk.’”****

** **

That’s a federally licensed joke from Sunstein’s colleagues at the Agency
of Guffaw and Titter Regulation, so feel free to laugh.****

Did you know milk was an oil? It is to the federal government, and, if a
Holstein blows in the Gulf of Mexico and beaches from Florida to Louisiana
are suddenly threatened by a tide of full-fat crude, they want to know
you’ve got the federally mandated equipment to deal with it. With
hindsight, the president’s remark in the early days of the BP oil spill
that he was meeting with experts “so I know whose ass to kick” was not just
a bit of vulgar braggadocio but the fault of early Department of Energy
findings that the spillage was caused by asses’ milk from BP (Burros &
Poitous Ltd., a member of the Big Ass cartel). “Your ass is on the line!”
as the president told BP’s Tony Hayward after his donkey was found
wandering down the first 38 billion-dollar stretch of the federally funded
high-speed-rail track.****

Whoops, sorry, I made the mistake of hiring Cass Sunstein’s federally
accredited “spilled milk” gag writer. Where was I?****

Oh, yeah, federal regulation. So this EPA directive requiring milk to be
treated the same as petroleum for the purposes of storage and
transportation has been around since the ’70s and it’s only taken the best
part of four decades to get it partially suspended even though it’s udderly
insane? Hallelujah!****

At that rate of regulatory reform, we’ll be . . . well, let Sunstein
explain it. Aside from his crowing over spilled milk, he cites other
triumphs: The Departments of Commerce and State are “pursuing reforms”; the
Department of Health and Human Services “will be reconsidering burdensome
regulatory requirements”; and the Department of the Interior will be
“reviewing cumbersome, outdated regulations.”****

Wow! “Pursuing,” “reconsidering,” and “reviewing”? Meanwhile, back at the
Department of Bureaus and Agencies, they’re pursuing a review of their
reconsideration of reforms. That’s great news, isn’t it? I’ll take a wild
guess and bet that the upshot of this frenzied “pursuit” will be a ton of
new regulations about streamlining regulatory oversight and improving
regulatory harmonization: The big growth area in America’s post-modern
Republic of Paperwork is regulations about regulating regulations. For
example, in New York City, applying for the “right” to open a restaurant
requires dealing with the conflicting demands of at least eleven municipal
agencies, plus submitting to 23 city inspections and applying for 30
different permits and certificates. Not including the state liquor license.
Recognizing that this could all get very complicated, the city set up a new
bureaucratic body to help you negotiate your way through all the other
bureaucratic bodies.****

And, for every little victory, there are a zillion crankings of the
government vise elsewhere. Plucked at random from the Obamacare bill:****

“The Secretary shall develop oral healthcare components that shall include
tooth-level surveillance.”****

“Tooth-level surveillance”? Has that phrase ever been used before in the
entirety of human history? Say what you like about George III, but the
redcoats never attempted surveillance of General Washington’s dentures. Why
not just call it “gum control”?****

The hyper-regulatory state is unrepublican. It strikes at one of the most
basic pillars of free society: equality before the law. When you replace
“law” with “regulation,” equality before it is one of the first casualties.
In such a world, there is no law, only a hierarchy of privilege more suited
to a sultan’s court than a self-governing republic. If you don’t want to be
subject to “tooth-level surveillance,” you better know who to call in
Washington. Teamsters Local 522 did, and the United Federation of Teachers,
and the Chicago Plastering Institute. And, as a result, they’ve all been
“granted” Obamacare “waivers.” Rule, Obama! Obama, waive the rules! If only
for his cronies. Americans are being transferred remorselessly from the
rule of law to rule by an unaccountable bureaucracy of micro-regulatory
preferences, subsidies, entitlements, and incentives that determine which
of the multiple categories of Unequal-Before-the-Law Second-Class (or
Third-Class, or Fourth-Class) Citizenship you happen to fall into.****

And yet Americans put up with it. According to the Small Business
Administration, the cost to the economy of government regulation is about
$1.75 trillion per annum. You and your fellow citizens pay for that — and
it’s about twice as much as you pay in income tax. Or, to put it another
way, the regulatory state sucks up about a quarter-trillion dollars more
than the entire GDP of India. As fast as India’s growing its economy, we’re
growing our regulations faster. Oh, well, you shrug, it would be
unreasonable to expect the bloated, somnolent hyperpower to match those
wiry little fellows back at the call center in Bangalore. Okay. It’s also
about a quarter-trillion dollars more than the GDP of Canada. Every year
we’re dumping the equivalent of a G7 economy into ever more ludicrous and
wasteful regulation.****

** **

As my fellow columnists Charles Krauthammer and Victor Davis Hanson like to
point out, decline is not inevitable; it is a choice. The voters of New
York’s 26th district chose it just the other day, presumably on the basis
that it will be relatively pleasant, as it has been in certain parts of
Continental Europe. But genteel Franco-Italian decline is not on the menu.
As those numbers suggest, the scale of American decay is entirely
different: a trillion-and-three-quarter dollars in regulatory costs, a
trillion dollars in college debt, four-and-a-half billion dollars spent by
Washington every single day that we don’t have, 70 percent of which the
United States government “borrows” from itself because nobody else wants to
lend it to us — and a governing party whose Senate leader boasts about not
passing a budget and whose plan for Medicare is not to have a plan at all
and whose crusading regulatory reformer’s greatest triumph is getting Daisy
the cow moved out of the same federal classification as the Exxon Valdez.***
*

Stand well back, that Holstein’s about to blow.****

— *Mark Steyn* <http://www.marksteyn.com/>*, a *National Review *columnist,
is author of *America
Alone<http://www.nationalreview.com/redirect/amazon.p?j=1596985275>
. *© 2011 Mark Steyn.*****

** **

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