[image: CAP News] Joe Biden: Zimmerman "Could Have Been Me" [image: Joe Biden: Zimmerman 'Could Have Been Me'] Joe acts as grand marshall for the first annual March Of The Overweight Hispanics thanks to his work in the overweight Hispanic community.
WASHINGTON (CAP) - Making a surprise appearance in his office on the pretense of doing some work, Vice President Joe Biden offered up his thoughts on the recent Trayvon Martin verdict to the cleaning crew and interns who were milling about. "George Zimmerman could have been me," Biden lamented. "You know, if I was half-Hispanic and weighed about a hundred pounds more. "And had a penchant for gunning down unarmed black youths," he added. Biden's comments come as half-Hispanics throughout the country breathed a sigh of relief at the outcome of the trial, knowing they could stand their ground against non-threatening young black men who are not confronting them while minding their own business. "If anyone knows the plight of the half-Hispanic male, it's Joe Biden," said CAP News Racial Profiler Samuel Waters. "What with his maternal great-great grandfather hailing from Ireland but the rest of his ancestors from England and all. He gets it." Biden tried to describe the lens through which many half-Hispanics may see the case, trying to figure out just what sort of Hispanic George Zimmerman is, or if he is even Hispanic at all. He said it's time for half-Hispanics to come together and pin the blame on the Catholics. "I know that just shifts the focus from the heritage I don't have to the religion I don't practice," Biden said. "But shifting focus from the heart of the matter to something inconsequential is how America heals." Biden then gave his Hispanic cleaning crew the rest of the day off, instructing them to "go out and hug a black person" to show there were no hard feelings. 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BRIEFS [image: al Qaeda Drops \'Share Everything\' Plan, Foils NSA] al Qaeda Drops 'Share Everything' Plan, Foils NSA WASHINGTON (CAP) - With fallout from the leaked National Security Administration's surveillance program continuing to grow, the U.S. again finds itself one step behind the terrorists as al Qaeda operatives drop their Verizon mobile plans and move to new carriers. "Before Edward Snowden came along, these guys used to share everything thanks to unlimited minutes - and now they're not sharing anything," said one NSA official. "Rumor has it they may be communicating in person now, although I didn't think anyone did that anymore. "Hopefully not, because none of our guys actually remember how to chase a bad guy in real life," he added. IN OTHER NEWS New research from scientists in Boston finds that people with cancer appear to have a reduced risk of developing Alzheimer's because of the tendency to die from cancer. Those who survive cancer still tend to die from something else equally as painful because "they just have shit luck that way." TODAY'S TOP STORIES Justin Bieber Successfully Uses Urinal<http://www.cap-news.com/report.php?id=201307004> Airlines Roll Out New Punch-In-The-Face Fee<http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=200807013> VH1 Turns Down "So You Think You Can Mime?"<http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=200707013> Miami Looks To Crack Down On Street Cheese Vendors<http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=200707004> Christian Group Seeks Ban On Gay Divorce<http://www.cap-news.com/report.php?id=200607021> [image: Fake Advertisement] CAP NEWS AUDIO Paxon <http://www.cap-news.com/audio.php?id=213> [image: Paxon] <http://www.cap-news.com/audio.php?id=213> Have you tried all the drugs you can find to try to cure your unnamed malady? Then take a swig from the bottle that has your name written all over it. Assuming your name is Paxon. CAUGHT ON FILM [image: @RogerGoodell #FabulousFreeSafety] The Miami Dolphins receive some words of encouragement from one of their less heterosexual teammates during a practice last season. FROM THE VAULT [image: Bush Veto Saves Toddlers From Child-Murdering Scientists] <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=200607018> July 21, 2006 TO UNSUBSCRIBE, HIT REPLY AND ASK TO BE REMOVED FROM FUTURE MAILINGS. -- -- Thanks for being part of "PoliticalForum" at Google Groups. For options & help see http://groups.google.com/group/PoliticalForum * Visit our other community at http://www.PoliticalForum.com/ * It's active and moderated. Register and vote in our polls. * Read the latest breaking news, and more. --- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "PoliticalForum" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to [email protected]. For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/groups/opt_out.
