*50 Ways To Tell If You – or Someone You Love – Has Gone Over To the Dark
Side**
October 28, 2013
By Don Feder*
You know you're a liberal if:
1. You know you're a liberal if... You think the way to handle a
government shutdown is to close the World War II memorial, Mt. Rushmore,
and military cemeteries but allow illegal aliens to cavort on the National
Mall.
2. You know you're a liberal if... You think it's irresponsible not
to spend money you don't have. How dare they not automatically raise the
debt limit!
3. You know you're a liberal if... You don't understand what all of
the fuss is about the National Debt. So it's $17 trillion. So it's growing
at the rate of roughly $2.6 billion a day. So it's up by more than 60%
since Obama took office. So what?
4. You know you're a liberal if... You think the "radical right" is
the principal danger to freedom of expression in America. You know, the
radical right – like the conservatives who used the Obama IRS to punish
dissent? Like the mobs of right-wing students who shout down liberal
speakers on the college campus?
5. You know you're a liberal if... You think marriage only matters
when it's between consenting homosexuals.
6. You know you're a liberal if... You think men who feel like women
should be able to use the restrooms of those who really are women.
7. You know you're a liberal if... You think the idea that children
do better in a two-parent family is "controversial."
8. You know you're a liberal if... You believe Benghazi, the IRS,
the NSA and Fast and Furious are "phony scandals" manufactured by
Congressional Republicans, to divert attention from their nefarious schemes
– like trying to reduce the deficit.
9. You know you're a liberal if... You think the mainstream media
are objective and scrupulously fair. You don't "get" talk radio, think Rush
is a blowhard and long for the days when the networks dominated news
coverage. Where have you gone, Walter Cronkite?
10. You know you're a liberal if... You think the Tea Parties are
bastions of racism and anarchy that control the Republican Party.
11. You know you're a liberal if... You think the economic malaise
of the past five years is all George Bush's fault.
12. You know you're a liberal if... You think a Palestinian state
will be a place of love and laughter and peace ever after, based on that
remarkable people's well-known affinity for tolerance, amity and suicide
bombers
13. You know you're a liberal if... You believe Islam really is the
religion of peace, jihad is a "spiritual struggle," Major Nidal Malik
Hassan (the Ft. Hood killer) suffered from work-related stress, and "Allahu
Akabar!" is Arabic for "I'm so stressed out!"
14. You know you're a liberal if... You worry about guns in private
hands, but don't worry about nuclear weapons in ayatollahs' hands.
15. You know you're a liberal if... You think the "super-rich" are
under-taxed. The top 10% of taxpayers only pay 70% of all federal income
taxes, up from 55% in 1986.
16. You know you're a liberal if... You think income should be taxed
at 100% above whatever your income is.
17. You know you're a liberal if... You think "If you've got a
business, you didn't build that. Somebody else made it happen" is the most
brilliant insight since, "From each according to his ability, to each
according to his need."
18. You know you're a liberal if... You think everything should be
regulated – except abortion clinics.
19. You know you're a liberal if... You think abortion should be a
private matter between a woman and her doctor – and the taxpayers forced to
finance it, and the insurers forced to cover it.
20. You know you're a liberal if... You think federal judges are the
repository of all earthly wisdom, except for those who actually follow the
Constitution.
21. You know you're a liberal if... You think a chaplain who says
"There are no atheists in the foxholes" is offensive, but a drag-queen show
at an Air Force base is a celebration of diversity.
22. You know you're a liberal if... You think Jon Stewart is droll,
Bill Maher is witty and Harry Reid is a statesman of Lincolnesque stature.
23. You know you're a liberal if... You think FOX News spins lies
while Michael Moore makes documentaries.
24. You know you're a liberal if... You fret about "Islamophobia" in
America (supposedly manifested by opposition to mega-mosques and shariah
law), but not the burning of Coptic churches in Egypt, the murder of
Christian villagers by the "freedom fighters" in Syria, and terror attacks
on Christians in Nigeria and Kenya.
25. You know you're a liberal if... You agonize over the ouster of
Egypt's Muslim Brotherhood government and consider it a blow to democracy
from which the nation may never recover.
26. You know you're a liberal if... You think the Muslim Brotherhood
is a fraternal organization – the Benevolent, Protective, Philanthropic
Order of Jihadists.
27. You know you're a liberal if... You think the way to secure the
border is with drivers' licenses, in-state tuition and amnesties for
"undocumented immigrants." Build it and they won't come?
28. You know you're a liberal if... You think American Family
Association and Family Research Council are hate groups, but Moveon.org,
Occupy Wall Street, the ACLU, the Southern Poverty Law Center and People
for The American Way are middle-of-the-road.
29. You know you're a liberal if... You think opposition to Obama is
motivated by racism. Why else would anyone oppose a president who's
presided over the highest sustained unemployment since the Great
Depression, wants to socialize the best health-care system in the world and
treats the Constitution as a series of suggestions?
30. You know you're a liberal if... You think global warming is
settled science, despite a mountain of scientific evidence that the earth
isn't warming, sea-levels aren't rising, and the polar ice cap isn't
shrinking. You wonder if scientists have found the gay gene yet.
31. You know you're a liberal if... You want to confiscate guns and
legalize drugs.
32. You know you're a liberal if... You think guns incite violence
but pornography is benign, if not healthy.
33. You know you're a liberal if... You think reciting the Pledge of
Allegiance with "one nation under God" is insensitive because it makes
atheist students feel uncomfortable, even though they're not required to
say it, but compulsory sex education – which attacks Judeo-Christian
morality – is non-controversial.
34. You know you're a liberal if... You think the purpose of our
armed forces is to provide equal opportunity for women, celebrate diversity
and affirm sexual identities.
35. You know you're a liberal if... You think Jesus was the first
community organizer.
36. You know you're a liberal if... You think animals and trees have
rights but unborn children don't.
37. You know you're a liberal if... You think American
exceptionalism is a chauvinist myth, and that there's really nothing
special about a nation that rose from backwater colonies to global
preeminence in less than 200 years, defeated the twin totalitarianisms of
the 20th century and whose constitution became a model for developing
nations everywhere.
38. You know you're a liberal if... You think ObamaCare is the best
idea since the Social Security trust fund, and believe that stories of
insurance premiums soaring and computer systems crashing are propaganda by
Nazi Republicans who want poor people to die quickly.
39. You know you're a liberal if... You obsess about second-hand
smoke and imaginary carcinogens in your food, but don't have a care in the
world about the cultural pollution resulting in 7,000 teens a day losing
their virginity; 19 million new STD cases a year (half among 18- to
24-year-olds) and, in a typical month, 70% of male Internet users (18 to
34) visiting a porn site.
40. You know you're a liberal if... You attribute high rates of HIV
infection and sexually transmitted diseases among gays to homophobia.
41. You know you're a liberal if... You think voter-ID laws are
racist, a belief which rests on the racist assumption that minorities are
too poor to have cars and drivers' licenses or too dumb to obtain another
form of identification.
42. You know you're a liberal if... You think the Clinton
impeachment was "just about sex" and had nothing to do with perjury.
43. You know you're a liberal if... You think Nixon was beneath
contempt when he lied to the American people about Watergate, but that
Bubba was merely misguided (perhaps he didn't understand the question) when
he told his us, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss
Lewinsky." Besides it was just about sex – and perjury.
44. You know you're a liberal if ... You think Republicans stole the
2000 and 2004 elections – and every other election they supposedly won
going back to 1860.
45. You know you're a liberal if... You think the conservative
movement is financed by billionaires – like George Soros, Bill Gates, Ted
Turner, Oprah Winfry, Warren Buffett, Jeffrey Katzenberg, etc..
46. You know you're a liberal if... You think there's a Republican
War on Women – which includes Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann going
door-to-door confiscating contraceptives and ladies shoes at gunpoint.
47. You know you're a liberal if... Your commitment to First
Amendment expression is absolute – except for hate speech and any other
speech that feminists, homosexuals, and Al Sharpton find offensive.
48. You know you're a liberal if... You attribute disproportionate
poverty, crime and out of wedlock births among African Americans to
something called institutional racism, instead of the breakdown of the
black family, engineered by liberals going back to the Great Society.
49. You know you're a liberal if... You can't figure out why the
price of gas at the pump has almost doubled since Obama became president –
you don't see a connection between Obama's war on domestic energy
production and rising costs to consumers.
50 You know you're a liberal if... You know, beyond a shadow of a
doubt, that this is the most transparent administration in history.
****
*Don Feder is a former Boston Herald writer who is now a
political/communications consultant. He also maintains his own website,
DonFeder.com.*****
*The following story can be found on the GrassTopsUSA website at
http://www.grasstopsusa.com/df102813.html<http://grasstopsusa.us1.list-manage.com/track/click?u=aca8d391b7110c56628ee19de&id=98478e9679&e=c506d16e1c>.
Permission to reprint or quote this commentary on the Internet is granted
provided you include a byline to Don Feder, attribution to GrassTopsUSA and
link back to the article at the URL above.*****
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