[image: CAP News] NSA Wiretaps Own Break Room, Nabs Lunch Thief [image: NSA Wiretaps Own Break Room, Nabs Lunch Thief] NSA Director Keith Alexander discusses workplace cafeteria security at this year's Brown Bag seminar.
FORT MEADE, Md. (CAP) - Through its most successful sting operation yet, the National Security Agency has identified and apprehended the person responsible for stealing lunches out of the refrigerator in their office break room. "Go ahead and criticize our devious surveillance methods, but without them, we'd still be blaming the Muslims instead of one of our own," said Deputy Director John Inglis. "Without them, we'd still be very, very hungry. "Now that we've put this internal threat behind us, we can get back to our primary security objective," Inglis added. "Watching the American people on a full stomach." SHARE [image: Facebook]<http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201311002&t=NSA%20Wiretaps%20Own%20Break%20Room,%20Nabs%20Lunch%20Thief> [image: Reddit]<http://www.reddit.com/submit?url=http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201311002> [image: Google Plus] [image: Twitter]<http://twitter.com/home?status=NSA%20Wiretaps%20Own%20Break%20Room,%20Nabs%20Lunch%20Thief%20-%20http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201311002> [image: StumbleUpon]<http://www.stumbleupon.com/submit?url=http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201311002> u.s. NEWS Janet Napolitano Warns Of Locusts, New Super Zombie<http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201308008> Supreme Court To Vote On Civil Rights For Wiggers<http://www.cap-news.com/report.php?id=201308005> al Qaeda Drops 'Share Everything' Plan, Foils NSA<http://www.cap-news.com/report.php?id=201307001> 'Coffee Pots For The Poor' Program Goes Belly Up<http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=201306001> Justice Dept. Seized Cosmo Records Seeking Sex Tips<http://www.cap-news.com/report.php?id=201305008> Dubbed *Operation Reheated Leftovers*, the undertaking involved listening to hours of mindless conversation between employees who were waiting for the microwave as well as watching endless footage from a camera hidden in some egg salad at the back of the refrigerator. "It didn't take long for us to figure out that the refrigerator light does go out when you close the door," said analyst Len Devaine. "And that Julie at the front desk has this annoying habit of finishing the half and half and putting the empty carton back in the fridge." Devaine said his team really only needed the one camera in the refrigerator to identify the perpetrator, but that they also scoured six months of employee email correspondence and downloaded gigs of search data "because we can." "You can never be too thorough," Devaine noted. "Let's just say [NSA Director] Keith Alexander spends quite a bit of time on fantasy football at work." The issue first came to light shortly after the government shutdown ended when Edward Snowden released a series of documents containing various take-out orders for the NSA offices as well as a rotating schedule of whose job it was to clean out the fridge each Friday. While the NSA refuses to openly identify the culprit, Inglis assures CAP News the public's ham sandwiches are once again safe from harm. IN OTHER NEWS A United Nations agency with extra money in its budget has released a report stating that the leading cause of smog is outdoor air pollution. "We also believe smoke emanating from factories leads to air pollution," said the lead researcher. "But we'll need another grant before we can confirm that." TODAY'S TOP STORIES Domino's Pizza Boosts Earnings With More Slices<http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=200911005> Bill Would Ban Masturbating While Driving<http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=200711004> Chlamydia Named Most Popular STD<http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=200711012> Bridgeport Telecom Lays Off All But Three Employees<http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=200611015> "Bookface" Social Site For Dyslexics Goes Dark<http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=200711016> [image: Fake Advertisement] CAP NEWS AUDIO In-Laws Car Tracking System <http://www.cap-news.com/audio.php?id=145> [image: In-Laws Car Tracking System]<http://www.cap-news.com/audio.php?id=145> Don't waste your time with those expensive systems that break before you know it. Get the one system sure to work well beyond when the warranty runs out. FROM THE VAULT [image: Kevin Federline To Move In With Vanilla Ice] <http://www.cap-news.com/story.php?id=200611008> November 10, 2006 TO UNSUBSCRIBE, HIT REPLY AND ASK TO BE REMOVED FROM FUTURE MAILINGS. -- -- Thanks for being part of "PoliticalForum" at Google Groups. For options & help see http://groups.google.com/group/PoliticalForum * Visit our other community at http://www.PoliticalForum.com/ * It's active and moderated. Register and vote in our polls. * Read the latest breaking news, and more. --- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "PoliticalForum" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to [email protected]. For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/groups/opt_out.
