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Things Found Only in America

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house
faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking
places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick
walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes
at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese
burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to
the vault open and then chain the pens to the
counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines
to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in
the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages
of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics'
to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin
meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM
machines with Braille lettering.

A Guide to U.S. Newspapers

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who
run the country.
2. The New York Times is read by people who think they
run the country.
3. The Washington Post is read by people who think
they should run the country.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to
run the country but don't really understand the
Washington Post. They do, however like the smog
statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who
wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare
the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do
it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents
used to run the country.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who
aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't
really care as long as they can get a seat on the
train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care
who's running the country either, as long as they do
something really scandalous, preferably while
intoxicated.
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who
aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is
running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that
they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the
leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist
dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY
country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running
another country, but need the baseball scores.

And.... THIS EMAIL is read by people who has no time
to waste reading any of the above newspapers and got
other important stuff to do .....





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