Perjalanan III [1]/ The Journey III [1] UJIAN I
Gara-gara aku bertanya masalah sabar, dan masalah ujiannya orang hidup yang paling berat ke guruku yang ketiga, Terdamparlah aku dalam kejadian-demi kejadian yang menyebabkanku terpuruk. Sebelumnya, guru ketiga ini sudah menyampaikan, agar aku berhati-hati, "Seandainya engkau bisa menghadapi permasalahan ini, maka peningkatanmu akan pesat. Tapi bila tidak.... maka jatuhlah engkau" Hari demi hari kulalui, sampai satu ketika aku dipertemukan dengan seorang gadis. Tidak perlu kuceritakan, bahwa aku juga seorang laki-laki normal, yang bisa cinta ke lawan jenis, dan tidak ke sesama jenis...he...he..he... Tekanan-tekanan yang selama ini belum pernah kurasakan, kini kualami, pusingnya kepala karena bertambahnya persoalan, dorongan dan tarikan hawa, emosi terpancing tertahan dan akhirnya meledak, Selama kurang lebih setahun dalam proses ini, Jasmani dan ruhaniku remuk redam, hancur...... Ruhani yang kuproses bertahun-tahun..... tiba-tiba lenyap seperti tertiup angin, aku sudah terpuruk sedemikian jauhnya, Selama satu tahun mampu membakar apa yang sudah kuproses selama bertahun-tahun, Sekali waktu itu yang kuingat, ketika setelah kejadian-demi kejadian itu kualami, aku bertemu dengan guruku yang pertama dulu, tidak perlu aku bercerita, Beliau adalah orang yang paham,. katanya,"he..he..he...kalau engkau mau bertobat benar-benar, Insya alloh, 10 tahun akan diampuni oleh Alloh" Seperti mendengar geledek di siang hari yang panas. "10 tahun......taubat bener-bener baru bisa kembali seperti dulu......." "Ya alloh..........ampunilah aku...." "apa yang sesungguhnya telah kulakukan", "Seolah sekedar seperti itu. tapi sungguh dampak untuk ruhani sungguh dahsyat". Apalah artinya keluhanku sekarang... sesal pastilah ada di belakang. Sudah semestinya aku menyalahkan diriku sendiri, karena memang aku sendirilah yang telah keliru dalam melangkah. yaa... tahta, harta, wanita bagi pria, pria bagi wanita, adalah 3 materi ujian di dunia ini. Seluruh persoalan di dunia, mengacu pada tiga sebab itu. Tapi di antara tiga hal itu, sungguh telah kualami sendiri, ketiga lah yang paling berat. Masalah wanita bagi pria, pria bagi wanita. Berhati-hatilah kawan, bukan aku menakut-nakuti dirimu, dampak tidak akan engkau rasakan terlalu berat, kalau engkau tidak tahu. Hanya tunggulah nanti, Bila Azab sang Maha Kuasa sudah berlaku, Maka kemanakah engkau akan bersembunyi ???? Kalau saja guruku yang kedua tidak turun tangan, mungkin aku sudah ada di antara mereka-mereka yang terlupakan. Kalau saja para saudara dan sahabatku tidak memohonkan ampunan, Mungkin saja aku kini sudah tidak ada di permukaan tanah. Masih tenggelam dalam lumpur pekat. Syukurku pada Tuhan yang masih memberiku kesempatan untuk bertobat. Dengan tertatih-tatih, aku bertobat semampuku. Kulewati jalan pertama yang dulu telah kulalui. Kulewati lagi untuk menempuh perjalanan ulang menuju keridhoanNya. Menaiki tanjakan kini terasa berat. Tidak seperti waktu awal saat aku mulai, Kini terasa berat. Aku menyadari bahwa mendekat pada sang Maha Suci, tidaklah segampang apa yang bisa dibicarakan mulut manusia. Duh Gusti.... bagaimanakah nanti setelah perjalanan kehidupan ini kulalui ??? bagaimanakah nanti perjalanan saat kematian atau sesudahnya ?? Bila memproses diri lagi kini terasa sulit. Aku teringat apa yang difirmankan Alloh,kalau tidak salah "tidak Kulihat iman seseorang, sampai Aku mengujinya" bersambung.. Journey III (1) TEST I Due to what I was asking about patience and the most terrific test of people's life to my third teacher, I thenceforth was stranded into the incident after the incident that made me sank deeper into myself. Long before, my third teacher had warned me to be aware and conscious, "If only you are able to face this matter, then you are going to upgrade rapidly. But if otherwise,.you are going to go down." Day by day I had crossed through, Until the chemistry befallen unto me and a girl, No need to explain any further due to that I'm a normal guy as well in fact, who also have got a crush on the opposite sex, not on the same sex.. . (laughing.). Due to there were much suppression that I had never been through before, But now in here., I had., Many cases had caught me in it, and rushed it to my headache, My emotion had been induced, restrained, finally blown up! During more or less a year I was being toasted in this test, I was agonized over the matters until I was beside myself, My body.my soul.had been torn apart.torn to pieces. The soul all that I had built for years. Was gone as the wind blew it away from me out of the blue, And I found myself had been fallen into the neverland, So far away and strange. Once I remember, While after I went through incident by incident, I met my first teacher, No need to explain, He was good in this subject. He said, "(laughing).if you really want to make atonement, Insya Allah, Allah will forgive you for ten years." It was just like hearing the thunderbolt in sizzling broad daylaight. "Ten years.atone for sins will bring me back as I was.?" "Oh God.forgive my sins." "What exactly all have I done through these years?", "As if all that, but it truly puts into enormous effect toward this soul." What is the meaning of complaining former. Regretfulness will be come later. It was proper I had to blame myself, Due to my own mistake to step up in a wrong direction. Exactly. Dignity, treasury, woman for man, man for woman, Are three subjects of the test of this life. All the matters of life are pointed by those three bases. However among three matters, I frankly had been through these, And the third was extremely serious, Matter of woman for man and otherwise. Keep an eye and ear on, folks! It doesn't mean I scare you out, You will not have been being effected by the oppressive influence a lot, In case you cannot recognize. Only the time you've got to wait and see, When the punishment by the Almighty has come, Then where will you hide????? Unless my second teacher did not lend me his bless, I would be the one among the ones who had been ignored. Unless brothers and friends did not beg the mercy for me, I would be disappeared from this ground, Sinking deeper into the clay. I thanked God for me having a chance for atonement. I wobbly made atonement to do my best, I began to cross through the first way which I had passed, I crossed over the way toward God's bless. Felt very hard to step up the stage, It didn't same as the first time I started up to step, I felt must to crawl now. I realized upon the way approaching the Most Holy was not as easy as the word came out of mouth. "My Lord.the tourniquet. How will the way of life be after I have tasted???" "How will the way of death and thereafter be?? If it is so damn difficult to perform the process of myself all over again." I thence remember of Allah's revelation (if I'm not wrong), "I will not see the faith of a man until I test him." tobe continued warm regards, huttaqi www.huttaqi.org [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Make a clean sweep of pop-up ads. Yahoo! Companion Toolbar. Now with Pop-Up Blocker. Get it for free! http://us.click.yahoo.com/L5YrjA/eSIIAA/yQLSAA/BRUplB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> *************************************************************************** Berdikusi dg Santun & Elegan, dg Semangat Persahabatan. 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