http://www.arabnews.com/?page=1§ion=0&article=86319&d=10&m=9&y=2006&pix=kingdom.jpg&category=Kingdom
Sunday, 10, September, 2006 (17, Sha`ban, 1427)
Man With Four Wives Explains Key to Successful Polygamy
Raid Qusti, Arab News
UNAIZAH, 10 September 2006 - Being married to one woman has its problems.
Being married to another is a heavy price to pay. But marrying four women and
living off on a meager salary of SR4,000 is not only rare but unbelievable
Abu Mahdi, an elderly Saudi from Unaizah in the Qasim region, says it is
not at all about money, but rather about being content with what God gives one.
At 62, Abu Mahdi is married to four women. He has 25 children and,
together with his grandchildren, his family is made up of 70 members.
When asked how he makes ends meet on a relatively modest salary, he
replies with an Arab proverb: "Spread your legs according to the width of your
mattress."
Abu Mahdi married his first wife when he was 26. He said the marriage
involved a great deal of contemplation on the part of the bride and her family.
"They wanted to learn about my character and tribal affiliation."
Ten years later he decided to marry again. At 41 he proposed to a third
woman and he got his 20-year-old fourth wife at the age of 59.
Abu Mahdi disagrees with the tendency of having smaller families. "As
Muslims we believe that every child is born into this world with his own
destiny written," he said.
Asked why he considered polygamy, Abu Mahdi said he wanted to increase
his kin. Islam allows men to marry up to four wives, but due to the cost
involved - as well as an increasing aversion to the practice - most Saudi men
do not choose second wives.
"We have been encouraged by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) to
have more children," he said. "The more children we have the more Muslims there
are."
Abu Mahdi dismissed the idea that seeking multiple wives is purely a
matter of sexual pleasure. "In my case, sex was never a reason," he said. "I am
blessed with good wives. And, doctors say it has made me healthier."
Mahdi, Abu Mahdi's eldest son, is 31. He says he and his siblings did not
object to the idea of their father having another wife.
Abu Mahdi says that marrying a second woman has its merits. "Marrying a
new woman is like wearing a new thobe," he said with a smile, referring to the
white robes worn by Gulf Arabs.
When asked about bridging the age gap between himself and his young
wives, he said he does that by understanding each one of them uniquely. "It is
very important that both the man and wife know what agitates and bothers the
other to avoid getting on each other's nerves," he added.
According to Abu Mahdi women are of two types: "Women who make you lively
and women who make your life miserable."
He believes "honesty" is the key to having happiness in a multiple
marriage.
"A wife should know everything that is going on," he said. "When I
proposed to the families of my other wives, I did not lie. I told that I was
already married."
He said had he lied and been discovered later, he would never have earned
the trust of his wives. And he would never force a girl to marry him because a
girl has the right to accept or reject the person proposing to her.
Abu Mahdi divides his time equally among his four wives by staying a day
at each woman's residence. "Once a week I gather all my wives and children in
one house," he said.
Equal treatment and fair dealing are the keys to successful polygamy,
according to Abu Mahdi. "If I give one of them SR500 I must give the same to my
other wives as well," he said. However, Abu Mahdi says his affection toward all
of his wives can never be the same. "It is the nature of human heart."
He says Saudi men today are keen on marrying girls who are employed.
Rather than focusing on financial status, men should choose women who are
pious, well-raised and ready to beget children, he adds.
Abu Mahdi says he maintains contacts with all his sons and daughters.
"When I cannot see them, we keep in touch via phone."
Abu Mahdi has not traveled out of the Qasim region since 1970 because of
his big family. Nevertheless, he is happy: "I am thankful to God for the
blessings He has bestowed upon me."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Lebih Baik, in Commonality & Shared Destiny.
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