Friday, December 08, 2006
SENATOR JOHN KERRY
304 RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING
WASHINGTON DC 20510
DEAR SENATOR KERRY:
WE ARE STILL LAUGHING OVER HERE IN IRAQ AT YOUR
JOKE ABOUT THE TROOPS BEING DUMB. WE DO RECOGNIZE
THAT YOU ARE A LOT SMARTER THAN WE ARE BECAUSE YOU
WERE ABLE TO GET OUT OF COMBAT IN THREE MONTHS. THIS
IS WHY WE ARE SEEKING YOUR ADVICE. PLEASE GIVE US
GUIDANCE.
1.) WHERE IS THE LEAST PAINFUL AREA ON THE BODY TO
INFLICT A WOUND?
2.) DOES IT HAVE TO BLEED OR WILL A SCRATCH DO?
3.) WHERE DO YOU GET THE FORMS TO FILL OUT
RECOMMENDING YOURSELF FOR A PURPLE HEART?
4.) DO YOU NEED A WITNESS? IF SO, HOW MUCH DOES
THAT COST?
5.) ARE THREE PURPLE HEARTS STILL GOOD FOR A TRIP
HOME?
6.) WHAT IS A REALISTIC PERIOD OF TIME IN WHICH TO
ACQUIRE THESE WOUNDS? LESS THAN THREE MONTHS SOUNDS A
LITTLE SUSPICIOUS EVEN TO US.
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP AND KEEP THE JOKES
COMING.
JUST A DUMB G.I.
P.S.--WHAT ADVICE CAN YOU GIVE ME ON HOW TO
MEET REALLY RICH WOMEN?
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