Bastards! I can't believe they are taking secret photos of me! Actually, telling my kids the truth about Insanity Claws was the first major battle I had with my first wife. I stated that if asked I would tell the truth about the Great Fable. She felt they ought to enjoy believing in the Gift Of Christmas for as long as they could be kept believing. Well, when the day came when my daughter asked me about Insanity Claws I asked what she thought. "I think you and mom are Santa Claus", said she. "No, Jessica, I am not Santa Claus, but he is a great friend of mine..." Thus began the spinning of two stories for both my kids that to this day I ought to get copyrighted and published. I share them below for your reading and sharing pleasure. I ask only y'all give credit for the yarns to this crazy ProFox guy, Gil... <g>...
Gil and Santa Claus, as told by Gilbert M. Hale... ------------------------------------- Yes, kids, Santa is a good friend of mine. I got to know him after he started to have problems delivering presents to more and more children each Christmas night. See, he had to travel around the entire world, and with more and more kids being born each day, every year it got to be harder to get the job done. And Santa is getting older, so he is slowing down a bit anyway. So Santa sent out a request to all the engineers, inventors and tinkerers in the world, asking for help in updating his sled so he could get around the world faster. He got a tremendous response from all corners of the globe. One engineering team tried to strap some rockets to the skids of his sled. But in the trial run it turned out to make a horrible noise that scared the reindeer, and scorched a few of them. They ended up pooping out of fright all over the sled and each other. So that did not work out very well. Another person suggested using more reindeer, but that just made all of the reindeer more lazy because none of them had to work as hard, and it was easier to get away with not pulling their fair share of the sled. Besides, more reindeer did not make the sled go faster as reindeer can only go so fast under even the best of circumstances (or can they?)... Another person felt Santa ought to start using large elves to help deliver presents in additional sleighs, but Santa was afraid they would end up stealing and selling all the gifts. You just can't trust an elf unless you watch them like a hawk, you know! Besides, Santa is the one who is supposed to deliver the gifts, not some dumb elf. After some more really dumb ideas, and everybody wanting to charge Santa for their crazy ideas, I finally got a chance to meet with Santa. He had all but given up hope, and wearily invited me to fly up tie North Pole for a quick meeting. I flew up as far as I could, and took a Husky team the rest of the way. It was cold, and I brought only a few days' of clothing with me. No plans, fancy drawings, nor even a request for money paid in advance. No, what I had to offer was going to be made for free as it would help Santa help little kids all over the world. I am not a greedy person, I really wanted to help. I met Santa, and after he invited me to sit he asked me what my great idea was. "Polar Bears," I replied. "What? Why we can't use Polar Bears. They would be too hard to control. And they would eat the reindeer," Santa replied. "True, they are hard to control, unless their attention is kept in focus. And with heavy duty harnesses they would be easy to control with their attention properly focused. See, Santa, you hook the Polar Bears up to the sleigh behind the reindeer. Make certain the Polar Bears are a bit hungry, and let the reindeer see the hungry Polar Bears hooked up behind them when it is time to hook up the rein deer. The idea is to have the Polar Bears chase the reindeer to try to eat them, and for the reindeer to try really hard to run away from the Polar Bears so they do not get eaten!" "Brilliant!", said Santa. So we had an environmentally friendly solution where we used animals and no chemicals. The plan worked so well that Santa was able to deliver all of the gifts to all the children in the world so fast that he had to actually slow down a take a break so we would not "catch the sun" and start delivering gifts during the daytime on the other side of the world. And that, dear children, is how your dad got to be such good friends with Santa. But, it is supposed to be a secret. And speaking of secrets, if you are real good and go to sleep I will tell you a secret Santa told me about Rudolph! ---------------------------------- The next night I told the kids about Rudolph. Do you kids know how Rudolph got his red nose? And why the other reindeer were really teasing him? Well, this is a secret from Santa, so don't go telling anyone. Here is what really happened. Rudolph had a bad habit of going pottie and poopie in Santa's house. Santa kept rubbing his nose in the mess each time he caught Rudolph doing that. The other reindeer were laughing about Rudolph's going where he ought not go, and after a while Rudolph's nose was so raw and sore that it got real red, glowingly red in fact. So the other reindeer were teasing Rudolph for being a pottie-head, and how he got his red nose. Not for having a red nose. Rudolph is still a pottie-head! ---------------------------------- My kids, now grown, still love re-telling those stories during our "remember when" moments... I can't wait to start corrupting my grandkids when that day comes. heh-heh... Gil > -----Original Message----- > From: profoxtech-boun...@leafe.com > [mailto:profoxtech-boun...@leafe.com]on Behalf Of David Smith > Sent: Tuesday, December 23, 2008 1:15 PM > To: profoxt...@leafe.com > Subject: RE: Season's Greetings > > > Don't let him fool you Foxers! His partner is secretly shopping photos of > Gil in a big Santa suit to all the tabloids... :) > > All the best to everyone here this holiday season! > > Dave > > David Smith > Systems Administrator > Doan Family of Dealerships > (585) 352-6600 ext.1730 > dsm...@doandelivers.com > www.upstatedigitools.com > > -----Original Message----- > From: profoxtech-boun...@leafe.com > [mailto:profoxtech-boun...@leafe.com] On > Behalf Of Gil Hale > Sent: Tuesday, December 23, 2008 1:05 PM > To: profoxt...@leafe.com > Subject: Season's Greetings > > Yep, this is The Scrooge. I do not do the Xmas thing (get the DVD on > "Unwrapping Christmas" for a brief history of this tainted holiday), but I > do like having a certain time of year to say howdy to folks. So: > > "Howdy Folks! I hope y'all have a nice time with family and/or > friends this > season. Safe journey to wherever you may be heading. Ed, I > trust you will > have a nice time with your family at home." > > There, I did it. And I do not feel any worse for it <g>... > > > Gil > > > > Gilbert M. Hale > > g...@gilhale.com > > 585-359-8085 - Office (Rolls To Cellular) > 585-202-4341 - Cellular/VoiceMail > > > > President > > Phoenix Information Management Services, LLC > > Pittsford, NY > > > > President > New Freedom Data Resources, Inc. > > Pittsford, NY > > > > --- StripMime Report -- processed MIME parts --- multipart/alternative > text/plain (text body -- kept) > text/html > --- > [excessive quoting removed by server] _______________________________________________ Post Messages to: ProFox@leafe.com Subscription Maintenance: http://leafe.com/mailman/listinfo/profox OT-free version of this list: http://leafe.com/mailman/listinfo/profoxtech Searchable Archive: http://leafe.com/archives/search/profox This message: http://leafe.com/archives/byMID/profox/ndbblhfmcdkpegpoiiapaengbeab....@gilhale.com ** All postings, unless explicitly stated otherwise, are the opinions of the author, and do not constitute legal or medical advice. 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