http://www.arabnews.com/?page=1§ion=0&article=95207&d=20&m=4&y=2007&pix=kingdom.jpg&category=Kingdom
Friday, 20, April, 2007 (02, Rabi` al-Thani, 1428)
When a Daughter Is Held to Ransom by Her Family's Dowry Demands
Arab News
JEDDAH, 20 April 2007 - Although forced marriage is prohibited in Islam
and Saudi Arabia, young women are still under a lot of family pressure to marry
according to the wishes of the father. When conflicts between the daughter and
father arise, the young lady may seek a Shariah judge's intervention - but it
rarely comes to that.
In many cases the daughter simply succumbs to the father's wishes, even
if the father's (or the family's) motives are essentially financial. The result
is young women being pushed by their families into marriages with older men
based mostly on the suitor's financial status and ability to pay a the dowry
demands imposed by the father. The end result is that a wife in an unhappy
marriage is held ransom by the dowry-reimbursement requirement whose
pre-nuptial terms were dictated by her male blood relatives.
The daily Al-Nadwa published recently interviews with Saudis regarding
the practice of sending daughters into marriages with older men.
"This is a bad phenomenon and it should be confronted," said Ahmed, a
55-year-old Saudi. "Fathers and families set up these marriages with their
power of guardianship (over the woman). They claim that they do this in the
interest of their daughter, but the fact is that money makes them blind. A rich
man can marry somebody's daughter and make her the most miserable person in the
world. Age difference is very important, too, in achieving harmony between
spouses. I wonder if all parents are aware of that."
This issue gained prominence last year when the marriage of Rania
Albou-Enin, a Saudi woman from the Eastern Province, was annulled by a judge at
the request of her father. Albou-Enin, a doctor, had eloped to Bahrain to marry
Saud Al-Khaledi, an engineer, in a Sunni-sanctioned marriage. The father had
not given permission, and his daughter has claimed he refuses to allow her to
marry because he would lose access to her SR10,000 a month salary - about four
times the Saudi average income. A judge sided with the father, and the marriage
was annulled. It is currently in the appeals process.
Abu Emad, a father of three young women, defended the practice of the
family's role in approving marriage proposals, but urged father's to consider
the consequences of expecting hefty dowries.
"My daughters are priceless to me, but I accepted SR1,000 dowries for
them," he said. "Obviously I want these marriages to work, but if they don't at
least I can pay back the dowries easily."
The standard dowry arrangement (unless otherwise stipulated in any
pre-nuptial arrangement) requires the wife to reimburse the husband in event of
divorce. The way it's supposed to work is that the bride-to-be dictates the
dowry requirement. In practice, however, the father ends up in control of
dictating the dowry requirements. The money itself often ends up in the
father-in-law's control, too.
"I advise parents to stick with the Islamic principles," said Bandar
Ahmed, Saudi resident. "Not to run after money and force their daughters to
marry ignorant or old men who don't know anything about the rights of their
wives."
A 30-year-old Saudi woman who didn't want her name used told Al-Nadwa
newspaper that she is a virtual captive in an unhappy marriage to a man old
enough to be her grandfather because her father is unwilling to pay back a
hefty dowry that was part of his demands in permitting the marriage to take
place.
"My father accepted this man and ignored my petitions and tears," she
said. "I didn't have any desire for him from the very first day of marriage. He
has granddaughters my age, and he treats me the same way he treats them."
Another woman was willing to put it more bluntly, provided her name was
not used: "My dad sold me to a diseased, 60-years-old unmarried man."
This woman said her brothers and her father are refusing to accept any
suggestion of divorce because her geriatric husband paid SR100,000 and provided
her father with a new car and living room furniture for her hand in marriage.
To end the marriage would mean her father would have to repay the man,
essentially making the wife a kind of equity investment - which, according to
sociologist Hamoud Al-Zahrani, is un-Islamic.
"Islam make us free," he said. "Parents should stick with its principles
and take seriously their daughter's views on this issue.
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