> 1.  Some mail servers(possibly Lotus Notes and others) don't queue and
> retry.

Can you confirm this?  It would not surprise me if Lotus Notes is
doing something suboptimal, but this particular problem seems
unlikely.

> If there was version of ALLOWSOFT (opposite of DENYSOFT) that would allow
> the mail to get through, yet send a 'courtesy' message back to the sender
> and the [EMAIL PROTECTED] that informs them politely of the
> ignorance of their ways.  Something like:
> "We have accepted this email even though your mail server does not have a
> reverse dns entry, or has messed up on the 450 reply that we recently sent
> you. Please fix this problem, as we reserve the right to refuse this mail in
> the future, and in the fight against spam, more and more servers will be
> refusing your mail in the future"

This is called 'DECLINED' and set a flag.

I'm working on a framework for qpsmtpd that will let you implement
something like this if you want.  Personally, I wouldn't recommend
doing it, but that's the magic of qpsmtpd, it lets you do whatever you
want. 

> This might be a subtle way to try to change the ways of the
> ignorant.

It won't work.  But if you want to try, go ahead.

-R

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