"Rocket Sauce" just posted a follow-up: “Grant Petersen is the father of every kid in this town!” “Grant Petersen once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!” “He’d eat a homeless person if you dared him!” “His poop is used as currency in Argentina.” “He sweats Gatorade” “He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.” “He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! …….And he hated irony!” “He sheds his skin once a year.” “He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia.” “He once inhaled a seagull.” “The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.” “It was the sight of Petersen’s naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.” “He once had sex with a cigarette machine.” “He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.” “He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel.” “He once ate the Bible while water skiing.” “He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.” “He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!” “You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!” “He has dandruff the size of mice!” “He jogged with a fridge on his back!” “He’s a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.” “He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen.” “He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million.” “Did I ever tell you about the time Petersen went hunting? Petersen decides he’s going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives…except Fleagle.” “We once had a bachelor party for Petersen. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.”
--https://www.bikeforums.net/19967986-post26.html On 11/01/2017 06:22 PM, Steve Palincsar wrote:
There's a thread going on the C&V Forum right now about Rivendell. It started as a PSA <https://www.bikeforums.net/classic-vintage/1126790-psa-rivendell-tires-cheap.html> about a sale Riv is running right now on tires. That's pretty cool, and you should definitely check it out.But then "The Golden Boy" posted this: Did you say Grant Petersen? Grant Petersen taught me how to love a woman — and how to scold a child. Grant Petersen’s colonoscopy tape got higher ratings than ‘How I Met Your Mother.' Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Grant Petersen, but there weren’t any horses around? Well, Grant throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn’t you know it, my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Grant decides to enter me in the Breeders’ Cup, right, under the name Turkish Delight. And I’m running in second place, and I’m running and I break my ankle! They’re about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, ‘Don’t shoot him, he’s a human. Did I ever tell you about the time Grant Petersen took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can’t find one. Finally, Grant takes me into a vacant lot and says, ‘Here we are.’ Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around us. Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burnt the place to the ground. Grant yelled over the roar of the flames, ‘Always leave things the way you found them!' Grant Petersen wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. I went camping with Grant Peterson … I’m in the back of a pickup with Grant Petersen and a live deer. Well, Grant, he grabs the deer by the antlers, looks at it and says, ‘I’m Grant Petersen! Say it!’ Then he squeezes the deer in such a way that a sound comes out of its mouth — “Grantpetersen!” It wasn’t exactly it, but it was pretty good for a deer.” I once saw Grant scissor-kick Angela Lansbury. Did I ever tell you about the time Grant Petersen showed up at my daughter’s wedding? You know my daughter, she’s a beautiful girl. Well, Grant shows up and you know he’s a big fella. Well, he’s standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He’s got no right to be there, but he’s drunk and he’s Grant. Well, long story short, the priest accidentally marries me and Grant. We spend the weekend in the Poconos — he loved me like I’ve never been loved before. Grant once punched a hole in a cow just so he could see who was coming up the road. Did I ever tell you about the time Grant was in a production of ‘The King and I’? On opening night, Grant chloroformed the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews. I remember one time Grant took his family to Sea World. They were watching Shamu the whale when Grant got splashed. So Grant yells, ‘I’m Grant Petersen and no one gets me wet!’ So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu, and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, ‘How do you like it?’ And then damn if Grant didn’t step in there and finish the show.” -- Steve Palincsar Alexandria, Virginia USA
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