Journalists recently revealed that the Obama Administration secretly
sent $400M in cash to Iran back in January as part of some bizarre deal.
What they failed to reveal, however, was that the money was
transported to Iran by the M520 Goer. Apparently, the Administration
decided to lease a reliable, commercial vehicle for the covert operation
and turned to Tri-Pact Shipping and Hauling, who were more than happy to
accept a small percentage of the cargo in exchange for their discrete
services. Unfortunately, after unloading the cargo, the Iranians
decided to confiscate the Goer as well. Tri-Pact was not happy about
the double-cross!
The whereabouts of the Goer were unknown for a couple of months, until
it turned up at a Denny's outside of York PA. Tri-Pact investigators
determined that Iran had given the vehicle to the notorious Pennsylvania
Urban Fighting Force (PUFF), an ultra-militant, mostly academic, social
awareness organization, as part of the Iranian "Let's All Be Terrorists"
community building project. PUFF, in turn, loaned the vehicle to the
equally notorious "Smith Clan", a mysterious family of chicken farmers,
who apparently was using it to deliver black market chicken parts.
Based on extensive surveillance of PUFF and Smith Clan communications
(obtained from some Russian hackers for a couple of bucks), the Tri-Pact
Institute of Technology (TIT) analysts have determined that the Goer
will be delivering chicken parts to a farm outside of Gettysburg this
coming weekend as part of some training of outside agitators from the
foreign provinces of Nova Scotia and California.
Based on that information, Tri-Pact will be sending a well-armed Fast
Asset Recovery Team (FART) to recover the stolen asset, using whatever
force is necessary to subdue any enemy forces in the area. The team
consists of a number of silent, but deadly killers, led by Will "It
Wasn't Me" Montgomery and John "Pull My Finger" Pittelli. Civilians
living in the area should stay in their homes, with all doors and
windows sealed. The Goer is expected to be back in the Tri-Pact Motor
Pool by Sunday evening.
In a related story, my wife informed me that she will be sending along a
large pot of baked beans for the cookout. Bon Appetite.
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