http://www.al.com/sports/mobileregister/pfinebaum.ssf?/base/sports/108099632984300.xml
Mission to save Shula impossible 04/03/04 >From time to time, I dabble in another life as a secret agent. The following happened >to me earlier this week. I went to the airport, retrieved a small tape and folder out >of a locker, found an available room near the airline's private lounges and played >the following audio: Good morning, Mr. Finebaum. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to help save and rehabilitate this man's career. The person in question is Mike Shula, the 38-year-old head football coach at the University of Alabama. Until recently, he was living a reasonably charmed life. That has changed. Although he had a miserable football season -- the Alabama record was 4-9 including losses to Northern Illinois and Hawaii -- he had a strong recruiting class. Things were going along swimmingly until it was reported that he had changed the name of a little-known spring football award which honored commitment to excellence. It had been named after Sylvester Croom, who played at Alabama and was runner-up to Shula last spring for the head coaching position. However, since Croom ultimately was chosen at Mississippi State, Shula decided to change the name of the award. The rationale, according to Minister of Information Larry White, was Shula didn't feel it was appropriate to honor a rival coach in the same conference even though the Bulldogs were 2-10 in 2003, lost to the Tide 38-0, have finished last in the SEC West three consecutive years (combined conference record during this time is 3-21) and are likely to get slammed by the NCAA. Currently, Shula is on a cruise ship (good timing) in the Caribbean -- I think the name of the ocean liner is called the Tide-tanic. While Shula is out to sea, the reaction back on the mainland toward him has been that he missed the boat. In addition to being a great player at Alabama, Croom also coached for Bear Bryant and Ray Perkins and his late father was the team chaplain for both men. Mr. Finebaum, your mission is to undo the damage created by Shula. The general opinion is the move by Shula looks petty, childish, mean-spirited, cheesy, insecure, bone-headed and just plain stupid. And these are some of the positive things being said. What you need to do is come up with a solution and do so before his ship reaches shore later in the weekend. There are several options laid out here for your examination. One option is to have Shula say it was all a misunderstanding. Perhaps, even say it was an April Fool's joke that went askew. OK, forget that one. Do what the politicians do and blame it on one of his minions or an assistant coach -- either Joe Kines or Dave Radar. Humiliate them publicly and after they personally apologize to coach Croom, fire them from your staff. Immediately restore the name back to the award. End of story. This is what we call "addition by subtraction." Another option is to ignore the whole thing. After all, it's only a spring football award that outside of a few players, the average fan has never heard of. Remind people of Alabama's great football tradition -- 12 national championships, etc. Talk about the class this program exudes. It would only become an issue if Mississippi State were to somehow upset Alabama Nov. 6 in Tuscaloosa and there is absolutely no chance of that happening -- on second thought, scratch that plan. Option three is to tell the former players who -- along with the news media -- are doing most of the whining to shut up and stick it. Threaten the media's press passes this year (with some great home games including Utah State, Ole Miss, Western Carolina, Southern Miss) and say anyone else who raises this issue will no longer get the free cold hot dogs and warm cold drinks in the press box. Honestly, there really aren't any good options. They don't call this unit MI (Mission Impossible) because we're in charge of changing light bulbs. Make the best of it. Improvise if you must and only take the doomsday approach -- in other words, retain the services of Tommy Gallion -- if your life depends on it. As always, should you or any member of your team be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck. You'll need it! (Paul Finebaum's column appears Tuesdays and Saturdays in the Mobile Register. Contact him at [EMAIL PROTECTED]) ______________________________________________________ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List "Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup!" To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
