There's an old saying in politics, "If you sell a Republican enough rope, he'll hang himself." That said, on to today's humor.
Q. What are the 2 most dangerous places in the world? A. The front seat of Britney Spears' car and hunting with Dick Cheney. Q. Why did VP Cheney shoot his best friend and lawyer Harry Whittington? A. Faulty intelligence. After tapping Whittington's phone, the NSA assured Cheney that Whittington was actually a pheasant. Q. Why wasn't Whittington killed when VP Cheney shot him? A. Whittington, a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor, was saved by buck shot deflected by wads of laundered cash. "Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!" --Jay Leno "Apparently the reason the Bush White House did not release information about the Cheney shooting right away is they said that they had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them in the past." --Craig Ferguson "The Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78- year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Wittington's face." --"Daily Show" correspondent Rob Corddry "The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep." --Craig Ferguson In other news... sales of the CD "Shotgun" by Junior Walker and the All-Stars have shot up 300%. See: http://top-lyrics.elizov.com/lyrics/Junior_Walker_and_The_All_Stars_- _Shotgun.html You can also find more Cheney humor here: http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/cheneyshooting/ Enjoy! George - - - - - - - - - - http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news? pid=10000103&sid=azlcxJS3tMU0&refer=us Cheney's Hunting Accident Provides a Bonanza for Joke Writers Feb. 14 (Bloomberg) -- John Mack, a comedy writer for "Tonight Show" host Jay Leno, figured he had terrific material for a full week of jokes: a hockey gambling scandal, the Olympics and the driving habits of pop star Britney Spears. And then Vice President Dick Cheney shot a lawyer. "Nothing can get better than that," Mack said. "As a comedy writer, this ranks right up there with Bill Clinton dating an intern." News that Cheney, 65, had accidentally wounded, not seriously, a hunting companion in Texas over the weekend sparked a firestorm at yesterday's White House briefing as reporters questioned the Bush administration's delay in disclosing the incident. One reporter compared it to the government's lagging response to Hurricane Katrina, and White House spokesman Scott McClellan even was asked if Cheney would resign. (McClellan called that "an absurd question.") In the offices of comedy writers, it was a bonanza. As soon as they heard about the shooting of 78-year-old Texas lawyer Harry Whittington at a private ranch in Texas, writers said they knew they'd have material for weeks' worth of shows and months' worth of political speeches. The first wave was evident last night. The subject dominated the first half of Comedy Central's "The Daily Show," with host Jon Stewart saying Whittington is "the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton" and that he was "mistaken for a bird." On CBS's "Late Show," David Letterman devoted his signature Top 10 List to "Dick Cheney's excuses" -- and he noted: "We can't get bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney." Context makes the joke, and the combination of a powerful vice president, firearms and lawyers is a humor goldmine. `Sweet Spot' "It hits right at the sweet spot," said Mark Katz, who writes humor for business executives and politicians, including former President Clinton. "Here is the guy who is supposed to be the star of the White House, and suddenly he is the star of a Three Stooges-style slapstick." Whittington, a prominent Republican attorney from Austin, was listed in stable condition at a Corpus Christi, Texas, hospital yesterday. He was hit by shotgun pellets in the face, neck and chest. Ranch owner Katharine Armstrong, who was asked by Cheney to disclose the details of the incident, said the shooting resulted from Whittington not alerting the vice president that he was standing close by as Cheney, 65, turned to fire at a quail flushed from the underbrush. "It was not the vice president's fault," Armstrong said in an interview. `Perfect Metaphor' "The idea that you have this vice president who is kind of gruff and willing to cuss out senators meant that it was always within the realm of possibility that he would go off one day and shoot his friend," said Jeff Nussbaum, a Washington speechwriter and Democratic consultant who also moonlights writing comedy for political and social events. "This really is a perfect metaphor for an administration that shoots first and then blames the victim later." The jokes began almost immediately. The New York Daily News had a front page headline reading: "Duck! It's Dick." For the New York Post, it was "Big Shot." Comic Andy Borowitz posted a satiric report on his Web site with a headline saying Cheney fired at his fellow hunter "based on faulty intelligence." Comedy and politics have a long relationship. Cable channel Comedy Central has covered the major party political conventions. During the 2000 presidential campaign, George W. Bush and Democrat Al Gore appeared on NBC's "Saturday Night Live." Then-Senator John Edwards announced he was running for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2004 on "The Daily Show." Satire "The comedy shows have gotten into political satire, and it's been an increasingly important way that some segments of the world get their news," said Andrew Kohut, director of the Pew Research Center in Washington. "For that reason, the political satire shows look hard for material that comes from the news. Sometimes they don't have to look very hard, like today." Mack said he is filled with material for the Leno show keying off the incident. "You can tie it to other pieces of news as well," he said. "You can make jokes about Cheney and the biathalon, or say that the two most dangerous spots in the world are the front seat of Britney Spears car and hunting with Dick Cheney." Nussbaum said his "knee-jerk reaction'' was to begin spinning out jokes, and he and friends began informally bandying about one- liners: "Cheney thought Harry Whittington might have been a dove." "Cheney was trying to prove he deserved a 6th draft deferral." "It was faulty intelligence: the CIA assured him that Harry Whittington was actually a pheasant." To contact the reporter on this story: Holly Rosenkrantz in Washington at [EMAIL PROTECTED] Last Updated: February 14, 2006 00:22 EST -0- Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/scifinoir2/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
