His Babylon 5 bias is showing. I loved the season openers and the subtle changes to the music to reflect that part of the story arc.
--- In scifinoir2@yahoogroups.com, "brent wodehouse" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > http://www.ggl.com/kunochan/2006/08/best-and-worst-sci-fi-tv-show- openings.html > > Thursday, August 03, 2006 > > The Best and Worst Sci-Fi TV Show Openings > > > I suffer from insomnia, and you benefit. Here are my picks for 10 Best and > 10 Worst Opening Credits for Genre TV Shows. > > By "genre," I mean science fiction, fantasy, and horror. I only included > shows made in English. I also decided to limit myself to those credits > sequences I could find online - but this turned out not to be a problem. > Hooray for youtube! Hooray for copyright violations! > > I was worried that I would subconsciously rate the title sequences not on > their own merit, but based on the quality of the show overall. But I ended > up with one of the worst shows of all time on the "Best" list, and one of > the best on the "Worst" list. And they both have the same title! > > Numerical order is approximate. > > > The 10 Best > > > 10. "Battlestar Galactica" (1979) > > One of the most common mistakes made by sci-fi TV openings is the > "expository monologue," with which jittery television executives try to > explain the show's premise to viewers who don't "get" sci-fi. As I > researched this list, I learned how ubiquitous this problem is. Blah blah > blah. > > The original BSG features a long, long, loooong expository monologue. Yeah > yeah, Toltecs and Mayans, got it. But the monologue is well written, and > it's read with tremendous gravity by the brilliant Patrick Macnee, who > also voiced the Imperious Leader. The theme song kicks ass. And most > importantly, the edited scenes (viewed through a circle - why?) really > make the show look impressive. Too bad it sucked ass. > > > 9. "The Greatest American Hero" (1981-83) > > It's all about the theme song, baby. Mike Post's theme song is goofy, > poppy, cheesy, and almost but not entirely unrelated to the content of the > show. And once you hear it, you will NEVER get it out of your head. This > credits sequence is fun, funny, and engaging, and it has no expository > monologue whatsoever. That UFO, left over from one of Steven Spielberg's > garage sales, is also very cool. > > > 8. "Mystery Science Theater 3000" (1988-1999) > > "Robot roll call!" We're only concerned with the first two credit > sequences here, the original Joel Hogdson credits and the first Mike > Nelson opening. After Frank Conniff left, the show jumped the shark; and > once it moved to the Sci Fi Channel, well, it's just best not to think > about it. Catchy song, goofy models and puppets, and the iconic "corridor > crawl" a la "Get Smart." And the theme song doubled as the expository > monologue, which was a real time saver. > > > 7. "Star Trek: The Next Generation" (1987-1994) > > What do you get when you cross the theme from "Star Trek The Motionless > Picture" with the Shakespearean monologing skills of Patrick Stewart and a > clever tribute the opening of the original "Star Trek?" Um, this opening, > duh. By the way, the original "Star Trek" opening was pretty weak > ("whoosh! whoosh!), although nowhere near bad enough to make the "worst" > list. As far as I can tell, "Space the final frontier " invented the > expository monologue. > > > 6. "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" (1993-1999) > > There was nothing special about the DS9 opening until season four, about > the time the show started to not completely suck. The morose theme song > got a boost from a bouncy backing track, and the CG guys added a bunch of > business involving spaceships, little space-suited construction workers, > and the Defiant flying into the wormhole. Suddenly, Deep Space 9 became a > place you might conceivably care about. Then, in season seven, they > screwed the whole thing up. This award goes to seasons 4-6 only. (Special > props to DS9 for dropping the "Final Frontier" speech.) > > > 5. "Star Trek: Voyager" (1995-2001) > > Finally, the "Star Trek" credits sequence perfected. Great theme, > excellent effects. Of course, in 9 out of 10 episodes, once the opening > credits ended it was all downhill from there. > > > 4. "Doctor Who" (1963-89, 1996, 2005-present) > > First let's discuss that theme song. When some hack isn't ruining it by > trying to "update" it, Ron Grainer's "Doctor Who" theme is spacey, > dramatic and memorable. Most of the "Doctor Who" credits sequences have > been mediocre or terrible (see this - Jesus Christ, did that Zardozian > giant floating head just wink at me? Exterminate! Exterminate!), but two > really stand out. Coincidentally, they're the openings for the two best > Doctors to date. Tom Baker's (1974-81) was modeled after previous > openings, and included the dreaded "head shot." But the music was great, > the effects were cool, and you got to see the TARDIS fly around. In > Christopher Eccleston's credits (2005), the music was great, the effects > were cool, and you got to see the TARDIS fly around. And no headshot! > Plus, "Doctor Who" has never burdened us with an expository monologue. Can > you imagine trying to explain "Doctor Who" in 30 seconds? > > > 3. "The Six Million Dollar Man" (1974-78) > > The awkwardly-titled series that made Lee Majors a star had opening > credits as heart-pounding and dramatic as anything on TV. Steve Austin's > whole origins story was presented in under a minute - and they didn't tell > us, they showed us. Sure, Richard Anderson (no relation to Dean) talks > through the credits, but he's in the story, trying to convince his unnamed > listener that blowing $6,000,000 in 1970s dollars to turn a crippled > astronaut, and the astronaut's girlfriend and dog, into cybernetic freaks > isn't a violation of the public trust. This opening is artistic and > beautifully edited; and the cheesy theme song doesn't cut in until the > last 15 seconds. > > > 2. "Space: 1999" (1975-77) > > This is a really interesting case. Some openings, like "The X- Files" or > "Farscape," were good, but not good enough to make it onto the "Best" > list. (To answer your question - "The X-Files" had a great theme, but the > visuals were dorky as hell. Oh look - Mulder is falling into an eye! > Spooky!) Some were bad, but not terrible enough to make the "Worst" list > (see "Lost In Space"). Only "Space: 1999" almost made it onto both lists. > The great: brilliant music, heart-pounding action, real drama, and no > expository monologue. The terrible: it's overwrought to the point of > silliness - "SEPT 13!!!! 1999!!!!" In the end, the good beats out the bad. > BTW, we are ignoring the hideous second season opening, just as we ingore > the hideous second season. > > (For more Gerry Anderson goodness, check out "Thunderbirds," which just > barely missed the Best list.) > > > 1. "Firefly" (2002) > > Wow. Just wow. I'm not going to ruin it with words. If you don't get it, > nothing I say can help. Burn the land and boil the sea - you can't take > the sky from me. > > (And Gina Torres gets to be the only actor on both the Best and Worst > lists, unless you count Richard Hatch.) > > > ----------- > > The 10 Worst > > > 10. "Land of Lost" (1974-77) > > No, this isn't on the "worst" list for the silly "special effects," or for > the dialogue during the giant dinosaur puppet attack. ("C'mon, let's get > out of here!" ORLY? You're not going to stick around and become > Tyrannosaurus food?) No, it's the song. The lyrics are okay, explaining > what plot the show had to impressionable Gen X kids. But the music? > Yee-haw! I reckon' it's a hoe down! Grab a jug of moonshine, Cletus, and > we's gonna go bugger us some Sleestaks! > > (Oh, and if you never understood why Will Ferrell's character in "Jay and > Silent Bob Strike Back" was named Marshall Willenholly - now you do.) > > > 9. "Manimal" (1983 > > Once I had this weird dream. I turned into that pretty British man from > "Falcon Crest." Everything was strange colors, and I was attacked by a > bird and a cougar. It was so dramatic! Then suddenly I was in a wacky > romantic comedy with that nurse from "St. Elsewhere!" Wha-? What happened > to the bird/cat guy? Why am I standing around with my bi-racial posse, > cracking wise and sharing a hearty laugh? Wasn't there something about > vertebrate polymorphism? Now some wacky woman is stepping on my foot! HA! > A passing car just sprayed us with water! HA! Oh ho ho, my sides are > splitting! And then then I fell asleep and had the dream. (Stay tuned > after the credits for an expository monologue so long I never made it all > the way through). > > > 8. "The Bionic Woman" (1976-78) > > Despite its flaws, "The Bionic Woman" was a much better show than its > progenitor, "The Six Million Dollar Man." For one thing, Lindsay Wagner is > STILL hot - I'll climb into her Sleep Number bed any time. Also, she never > ever befriended Bigfoot. But the opening sequence is just a lame attempt > to rehash the "Six Million" credits, and it fails utterly. There's too > much reading; and is that the only photo of Wagner the producers could > find? And why do the credits emphasize Jaimie Sommers' teaching career, > and Oscar's unrequited love for her? She's a freakin' superpowered > crime-fighting robot who works for a super-secret spy agency! Her opening > credits shouldn't look like a douche commercial. > > > 7. "Xena: Warrior Princess" (1995-2001) > > "Xena" and "Hercules" were good shows. Either you "got" it, or you didn't. > I wasn't a huge fan, but I got it. And no one expects a show this bi-polar > to have a brilliant credits sequence. Let's review the charges. (1) > Bagpipe music? Okay, this show could never quite decide where or when it > took place. But I'm pretty damn sure it's not in medieval Scotland. (2) > It's got a terrible expository monologue. Like we even need one - "it's a > chick in a steel bikini" would cover it. The monologue is read by that "In > a world " movie preview guy. It goes on and on and on. We don't get facts > about the characters and plot, just the kind of vapid marketing- speak you > would expect in a movie trailer. "A mighty princess forged in the heat of > battle?" That's not even a real metaphor. Seriously, all we needed was > some generically exciting music and clips of two ancient Mediterranean > lesbians kicking ass. > > > 6. "Charmed" (1998-2006 > > How dare you motherfuckers ruin The Smiths' "How Soon Is Now?" How DARE > you? I won't even start in on the cheap-ass visuals - ooh! Somebody took a > class in After Effects! No, I can't get past the music thing. I'm too > angry. I need to go calm down. How many lives will Shannen Doherty ruin > > > 5. "Babylon 5" (1994-1998) > > There are two kinds of sci-fi fans who just can't shut up about their > favorite show. Browncoats are pathetic because, while "Firefly" is one of > the best series ever made, there are only 14 episodes (and a movie). B5 > fans are pathetic because, while they have 110 episodes comprising a > complete story arc, every single episode sucks. > > Each season of B5 had a different opening, but each was as bad as the > last. Longest expository dialogue ever. Longest credits ever (must have > saved on episode costs, just like the cheap CG and the cheap "sets"). "The > name of the place is Babylon 5!" Yaaaawn. > > > 4. "V" (1984-85) > > Marc "BeastMaster" Singer takes out a reptilian evil alien baddie - with > his genitals. And that's the best part of this cheese-ridden opening, an > 80s-era Supercuts ad scored with the "space music" setting on a Casio. > > (Anyone notice the weird overlap between the "V" opening and the "Firefly" > opening? Spooky.) > > > 3. "Battlestar Galactica" (2003, 2004-present) > > Possibly the Best Science Fiction Show Ever, and its here in the "Worst" > list. Why? Is it the music? No, the original American theme, Bear > McCreary's "Two Funerals," was just fine; the new theme from the British > version is even better. Is it the clips from the miniseries? No, they're > fine. The lame expository subtitles? (You know, "The Cylons were created > by man " blah blah.) Nah, they're useless, but not really annoying. Maybe > there's not enough Grace Park? True, the titles need more Grace Park. But > that's not the problem. Then what's wrong? I'll tell you what the frack is > wrong. Each episode beings with 30 seconds of clips from the episode > itself. Brief images designed to tease? No. SPOILERS. There is not an > episode of BSG that has not had some big dramatic turn ruined by the > opening spoilers. Ron, buddy, listen - if I'm watching the opening > credits, I'm already watching the show. You don't have to sell me. BSG is > clever and fast-paced, full of unforeseeable twists and turns - > unforeseeable, that is, if you close your eyes during the opening titles. > Otherwise, you're screwed. The fans have been complaining about this for > two seasons, Ron. Cut it out. Oh, and we want more Grace Park. Maybe a > spin-off series where Boomer discovers a planet of sexy Amazons and opens > a lingerie store. > > > 2. "Cleopatra 2525" (2000-2001) > > Before this article went to press, I ran my choices past my friend Paul. > After hearing my "worst" choice, all he had to say was, what about > "Cleopatra 2525?" I have never watched the show; but I trust his opinion, > so I checked it out. > > Oh. My. God. > > That's "Firefly" star and Mrs. Laurence Fishburne, Gina Torres! What the > hell??? Is that her impersonating Geoffrey ("Crisp and clean! No > caffeine!") Holder in the expository monologue? And let's talk about this > song for a moment. Zager & Evans' 1969 "hit" "In the Year 2525" was > craptastic enough without this histrionic cover with the cutesy lyrics. > Yeah, take a crappy show with crappy effects and crappy costumes, and add > a crappy monologue and a crappy cover of a crappy song, and know what you > get? Crap. (By the way, for 60 seconds of fun, check out the opening to > "Cleopatra's" "sibling" show, "Jack of All Trades." We love you, Bruce > Campbell!) > > > 1. "Enterprise" (2001-2005) > > Worst sci-fi show of all time? Of course not - that was "Small Wonder. But > "Enterprise" was a close second. Tragically, the opening credits for this > show were visually brilliant - a nifty little history of humanity's > exploratory spirit. So why is this one of the worst openings of all time? > That song - OH GOD THAT SONG. Please, give me something sharp to dig > through my ocular cavity and into my brain, until all memory of it is > gone. (Although you have to admit, the "Mirror" opening is pretty cool.) > Yahoo! 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