-----Original Message----- From: Darwin Awards Newsletter [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Thursday, December 13, 2007 12:09 AM To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: THE DARWIN AWARDS - December 2007 /// PRESS RELEASE /// THE DARWIN AWARDS - December 2007 --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ HOAXED! It's time to go public: I was the victim of two hoaxes. The first HOAX involved a Darwin Award-ed to the man who wondered what it felt like to be shot with cigarette butts. "The Smoking Gun" was a 2001 Darwin Award Winner. But its BOGUS Status became apparent when Mythbusters called, asking for my sources. To my horror, the sources were fake URLs mocked up as news articles. What the $%!!?! http://darwinawards.com/legends/legends2001-02.html <IMG src="http://darwinawards.com/i/art/zeebarf/darwin2001-28.jpg"; align=center> The second HOAX, and I almost fell for it, was a NIGERIAN SCAMMER. I advertised 10 Koi fish on Craigslist.com, and the best offer said, "I will send extra to pay the shipper when he picks up your fish." The extra was $2600, and the check was, oddly, from a utility company. Belatedly, I looked up the IP address for the emails. They were from NitelNET.com, Nigeria's "leading telecomms carrier." What the $%!!?! BE CAREFUL OUT THERE! Before you launch into FIVE new stories (forward to friends!) ... A short ad for the Darwin Awards Gift Shop. Many new products! http://DarwinAwards.com/store/ "The Smoking Crater" T-shirts, three designs printed on both sides, Darwin Awards FISH emblems (belly-up), Get Well cards, Birthday cards, notepads, even condoms (because "Friends Don't Let Friends Reproduce") Also, Pint Glasses (Bottoms Up!) and boxers, and autographed hardback books (quantities limited) -- NO USA SHIPPING FEES IN DECEMBER! Plus... 20% off orders over $100, 15% off orders over $50, 10% off orders over $25, 5% off orders under $25. http://DarwinAwards.com/store A NEW STORY EVERY DAY IN DECEMBER! WINNERS Announced Jan 1st. --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ DARWIN AWARD: THE ENEMA WITHIN Confirmed True by Darwin 21 May 2004, Texas | Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation. The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favorite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address! When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead. The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%. In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident. References: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-13.html --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ DARWIN AWARD: Elephants Press Back Confirmed True by Darwin <IMG src="http://darwinawards.com/i/icon/elephant.png"; align=left> 2007, India | Increased mining and recent rains in southeast India have unsettled the wildife. In the past months, migrating elephants have killed eleven people in southeast India. A team of journalists decided to interview this herd of rogue elephants. The four reporters went into the forest in search of the rogues -- on foot. Elephants are big, and elephants are fast. As the recent deaths illustrate, a person can't out-run an elephant. But these intrepid journalists apparently assumed that a press pass grants immunity. With a nose for news, the journalists sniffed out the herd. Once located, it was only natural that they should capture the photogenic animals on film. Unfortunately, the elephants were camera shy. Angered by the flash, the irritated herd charged the paparazzi, miraculously killing only one of the four. His remains could not be retrieved. References: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-14.html --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ 2007 PERSONAL ACCOUNT: BILLY THE KID Unconfirmed by Darwin Working in a suburban ER, my first patient of the evening was a young man suffering fron a gunshot wound. His story? "I was at a party and went outside to take a piss. Somebody did a drive-by and shot me." I examined him and found a small-calber entry wound at the anterior base of his penis, out the mid-shaft, in and out his right testicle, and into his right thigh, where the bullet lodged. A highly improbable trajectory for a drive-by. I picked up his pants, which had been cut off and thrown aside. Inside the waistband of his white jeans were unmistakeable powder burns. I said to him "You had a gun down your pants!" At first he denied it, but finally admitted to shooting himself playing "quick-draw" with a friend. The reason for the attempted deception? He was on parole for a weapons violation. The nature of the injury effectively removed him fron the gene pool. VOTE: http://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2007-07.html --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ DARWIN AWARD; MODERN ARMOR Confirmed True by Darwin August 2006, Leicester, England | Darren's death was a mystery. The The 33-year-old was found slumped in the hallway of his house, bleeding from stab wounds to his chest. Police initially assumed that an assailant had attacked him, but they could find no supporting evidence. A year later, the inquest revealed why Darren can stake his claim to a place among the winners of the Darwin Award. Darren had called a friend, but minutes after he hung up, rang back to ask for an ambulance. The front door was ajar, and Darren was found lying near a bloodstained lock-knife he had purchased whilst on holiday in Spain. Forensics investigators saw no indication of a struggle, and the coroner reported that the stab wounds seemed to be self-inflicted. However, Darren had shown no suicidal tendencies. His wife, who was on holiday at the time of the incident, cleared up the mystery, and revealed why our subject will go down in history as a Darwin Award winner. As she was leaving for the holiday, she remembered Darren wondering whether his new jacket was 'stab-proof'. That's right. Darren had decided to find out if his jacket could withstand a knife attack. Did he choose to test his jacket while it was draped over the back of a chair? No, our man decided that the best approach would be to wear the garment and stab himself. Sadly, his choice of armor proved less resistant to a sharp blade than he had hoped. The coroner reached a verdict of accidental death by 'misadventure'. --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ DARWIN AWARD: ZAP! Confirmed True by Darwin 2003, California | John, a Los Angeles real estate attorney, was skimming leaves from his pool when he noticed a palm frond caught i the power lines. His education had equipped him with sufficient acumen to become a successful litigator. Yet he was not shrewd enough to avoid becoming a toasty critter, when he reached up with the long metal pole and poked at the palm frond. John was, for once, the path of least resistance. Perhaps as an homage to his litigation skills, his family sued both the utility company and the pool supply store, for failure to disclose the danger of poking a metal rod into the power lines. References: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2003-20.html --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+ Copyright 2007 DarwinAwards.com -- Be safe! Forward this newsletter to friends. --- DARWIN NEWSLETTER SERVER COMMANDS SUBSCRIBE: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> CANCEL: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> HELP: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> --------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
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