Thought you guys would get a kick out of that...
Martin <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: EPIC! LMNAATWO!!!!!!! (Laughing my
narrow a$$ all the way off!!!!!!!)
Wayne <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: DARWIN AWARDS
THINNING THE HERD 2007
Eighth Place: In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch- wide
sewer grate while trying to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place: A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker who often
bragged he was "totally-zoned when he ran" accidentally jogged off a
100-foot high cliff on his daily workout.
Sixth Place: While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8-foot hole
for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at
the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him
out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a
local hospital.
Fifth Place: Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the
ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when
the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free
rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place: Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet
with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
cartridges into his mouth and pull the trigger.
Third Place: After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked
at the front door, a man walked into H & J Leather & Firearms intent
on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed
officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the
would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from
a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and
several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was
pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics. Crime scene investigators
located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent
autopsy revealed 23 gun-shot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds
from seven different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION: Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored
just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite
to toss out the window to create some excitement. Apparently they
failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a
local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at
4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of; lineman's cable
lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and tied the
other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby
fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE 2007 WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant 22 doses of an animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes, before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the
beast suddenly unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his
head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of
dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents
that once again proves..."Shit happens!"
"There is no reason Good can't triumph over Evil, if only angels will get
organized along the lines of the Mafia." -Kurt Vonnegut, "A Man Without A
Country"
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"Akin, but no matter what you think, I am concerned for your life, so Ill only
say this once; if you talk too much or ask too many questions, you might say
something that interests the Community, and you really, really dont want to
get them interested." - The Side Street Chonicles by C.W. Badie
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