NPR had an interview recently about apologies with some good concise pointers
from a scholar about types of apology..
The interview observes (quoting:) “..that more than saying.. ‘Sorry’, any good
apology should make clear that the wrongdoer will carry some of the pain.
Serious coda.
Qualifier(s) cancels out sincerity (..if you felt hurt, ..if I have left you
down, anything I might have.. ) "Might" is the operative word, Lerner says.
Much like "if" and "but,"..obfuscating, gaslighting apologies really are
good lessons about how not to apologize," Lerner says.
Saying "I'm sorry" sounds good, but psychologist Harriet Lerner says it's
actually not necessary.
Lerner says, "It's not the words 'I'm sorry' that heal or soothe the harmed
party. What the harmed party wants and needs to hear is an emotionally packed
corroboration of the reality that occurred: 'Yes, I get it. It was terrible. It
was unconscionable. Your feelings make sense.' " Good apologies are important,
Lerner says, but they're not enough. Apologies do not excuse perpetrators from
the consequences of their actions. And they do not compensate for a culture..
Another important thing to remember while issuing an apology — any apology,
Lerner adds — is not to ask for forgiveness.”
..her new book is titled Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and
Everyday Hurts
https://www.npr.org/2017/11/22/565913664/how-to-apologize-for-sexual-harassment-hint-it-takes-more-than-sorry
https://www.npr.org/2017/11/22/565913664/how-to-apologize-for-sexual-harassment-hint-it-takes-more-than-sorry
A long time ago at the start of FairfieldLife as a Yahoo-group Rick drafted
something that according to elements of this summary was pretty fair that could
have been said as an apology by the TM admin back then. Things might have gone
differently.
Back in Year-2001 this was published then about the Domes..
https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/FairfieldLife/conversations/messages/7
https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/FairfieldLife/conversations/messages/7
#
---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, wrote :
Thanks, this article reads like holding a mirror up to things likewise that
went on in TM here.
Evidently in Buddhism you have a process of humility that is for everyone.
The DL just showed it, by not being above error, in understanding
responsibility for his students, in modeling for his students, saying
acknowledging this was an error and sorry in apology and then a thank you for
all the students who brought this to his attention.
In TM fashion of guru-hinduism you get written out for bringing things like
this out.
FFL 435631Re: What is Conscionable, in TM?
---In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, wrote :
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/nov/29/tenzin-dhonden-dalai-lama-corruption-celebrity-investigation
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/nov/29/tenzin-dhonden-dalai-lama-corruption-celebrity-investigation
