http://passionforcinema.com/blue-movie-review-in-shallow-waters/
Blue
Cast: Sanjay Dutt, Akshay Kumar, Lara Dutta, Zayed Khan, Sharks, Bahama butts
Direction: (not much of it) Anthony D’Souza
Rating: One star..and that’s being generous
Sharks, there go those shucks! Ulp, excuzee, pardon, sowie. Shucks there go
those sharks!
And hey, they’re smooth-as-slate grey. Their teeth aren’t visible (must be
senior seatizens).
Plus every guy who owns a scuba-diving suit swims past them, happily, as also
past National Geographic-like anemones, crayfish and fish life with silver
fins. Fin and games?
Forget it. As soon as the credit titles of Blue,directed by former adman
Anthony D’Silva, are over, you’re already seasick. A couple of reels later, you
even want to cry out loud, “What on earth are you guys doing? Do you take us
for ninnies?” Absolutely contemptuous of the audience’s intelligence, this one
has more ‘action’ of sorts on terra firma, than down there 20 leagues under the
sea. Strangely, ceaseless footage is expended on Zayed Khan riding a designer
bike zippily through the expressways of Bangkok. Squawk.
Next: Vroom, this Dhoom-addicted dude strikes up a multi-million dollar debt,
all because he took a fancy to this Smiley (Katrina Kaif, vapid) wearing a
diamond lipling. Meanwhile, you’ve been subjected to a heap of weird
information. ThatKabir Bedi stepped out of the sea in 1949, wearing a freshly
laundered naval officer suit. Then poof, he vanished like Aladin’s genie.
Meanie.
Many many many many many years later, lobster fisherman Sethji (Sanjay Dutt,
paunched out) and his buddy, Aarav (Akshay Kumar, in a Sam Tytlerish goatee)
are upto some fearsome faltugiri. They box in a ring. Ping. And Sethji’s
wife—or live-in gal (Lara D) – mumbles something about oceansful of cash to
research marine life. Expensive, expensive.
Got the drift? It’s difficult to since the screenplay (if there was one),and
the shot takings are conceptually as shallow as the powder-blue sea. A
hurricane is announced but never shows up disappointingly. Every thing is all
too childishly easy. When crisis calls, Sethji just takes off for an interlude
of treasure hunting.Yippee do.
For sure, the hunteroos organised at college annual functions are much more
demanding. Out here a ship that holds costume jewellery is quicky detected in a
ruined hull (a nude mermaid statue looks freshly sculpted though). After a
frown or two, roguish Rahul Dev and his oriental dakus are banged-banged to
extinction. And if you think this is a spoler, it isn’t. Much more pop con is
to follow. Hellow Akshay Kumar, predictably, hogs the end credits. Surely,
Kylie Minogue who does a Chiggy Wiggy at the outset could have been brought
back for a Tickly Wickly?
Essentially, this Blue movie (!) is awfully directed – disjointed, senseless
shot taking and tiresomely lit like the time Sethji and Aarav converse at a
dark oceanfront near-replicating a scene in Omkara. Shots through champagne and
wine glasses are hilariously retro. Ditto those sudden pans to women’s butts
which you thought had ended with Ram Gopal Varma’s posterior past. The editing
is either too senseless (a gunfight through walls is insanely amateurish) or
tempo-killing like the song sequence over a listless montage and flashbacks.
Unfortunately, Akshay Kumar engages in anti-women dialogue once again after
Kambakt Ishk, asking smarmily, “Can I ride you?” He’s also racist, comparing a
session with a black and a white woman to plonking piano keys.Besides, couldn’t
he have been prevented from saying “blew” instead of “blue”?
Zayed Khan is not worth remarking upon. Lara Dutta is purely decorative, her
sex appeal outdone by all the beach blondes and brunettes the camera keeps
salivating over. As for Sanjay Dutt, arguably this is his career-worst.
Bottomwhine: Blue is one bloomer of a movie. Don’t even think of all the crores
spent on this kiddish enterprise. That’ll just leave you with one helluva
sinking feeling.
