[Callers] Put Your Red Hand In

[Rich Sbardella via Callers]

I had a Girl Scout Dance coming up Sunday and I was thinking how I would
get 150 six to nine year old girls to know which hand was right and which
hand is left.  On the way to my contra calling gig on Saturday, the thought
arose that right hand sounds very close to red hand.  On the way to the
Scout Dance, I stopped and purchased scissors and some red ribbon (the
store did not carry yarn) and asked that the leaders tie a red ribbon
bracelet around each scout as they entered the hall.  When I called dances
with arm turns I called, "Turn your partner with your red hand, change
hands, other way back."  It worked so well that I know I will do it again.

I thought I would share this trick, and then ask if anyone has useful
methods when working with only children.  Please share some trade secrets.

Rich Sbardella
Stafford, CT
___
List Name:  Callers mailing list
List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/

[Callers] Self flagellation

[Andrea Nettleton via Callers]

I'm sure every caller has been there, just as every dancer was once new and 
stumbling, and no matter how long we've been doing it, every one of us will 
make mistakes.  You will take stock, and try to note patterns and correct them. 
 But striving for perfect is never going to result in being perfect.  I have 
come to believe the thing to strive for, in each moment, is joy.  In the moment 
of a mistake, if your forever goal is joy, you will automatically reach for 
your smile, your humor, the sparkle inside yourself, and share it with the 
dancers, and instead of you or anyone feeling bad, people will remember the 
spark, the warmth, that kept things spinning along.  If you catch yourself 
mid-flogging, you might could laugh at yourself for such a silly choice, and 
give yourself permission to think instead of a moment when you knew the dancers 
and band were all with you and that synergy was happening and be glad you could 
be part of it.  
I have had to do a lot of self reflection as a result of things going badly 
when I'm on mic.  I have realized some profound things about myself as a result 
of thinking about my patterns as a caller.  They aren't just applicable in 
calling, but are one instance, in a big public forum, of patterns I have been 
acting out in all areas of my life forever.  Yep.  I'm working on them still, 
not just on stage, but all the time.  I think it's finally making a difference. 
 Those learning opportunities may go deeper than you think.  And the beating up 
only increases the chances of repeating the mistakes, or reacting negatively to 
new mistakes.  When you pick up the mic, reach inside for your place of joy, 
and share it.  Enjoy your work in progress.
-Andrea 

Sent from my external brain
___
List Name:  Callers mailing list
List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/

Re: [Callers] Moving past self-flagellation

[David Chandler via Callers]

​As you and others have suggested, there are two parts to one's response -
what you say to yourself, and what you say to the dancers. I think the
latter is more important, and it is of course affected by what you say to
yourself. Being able to respond humorously, recognizing that like everyone
else you make mistakes, apologize for them and then move on is very useful.
What has bugged me most about callers are those who get angry at the
dancers (some of whom may be slow to understand the nuances of what a
caller says, although usually it goes back to the caller's instructions) or
visibly at themselves. Who wants to spend time with a person who is
preoccupied with being angry at you or themselves for being human?

To the extent possible it can be useful to switch into a problem-solving
focus. During the dance you want to figure out quickly what went wrong
and/or what can be done to salvage it - make a correction, stop and start
over, switch to a different dance... After the dance is over there is time
for the post mortem, which seems to be what you are concerned about - what
did I do wrong, what could I have done differently? Focusing on how
terrible and inept you are takes away from problem-solving - you can't
change what has already happened. Of course I admit that this is easier as
one gets older (and has more mistakes to put into perspective). If it helps
perhaps you could keep a catalog of the mistakes made by all the callers
you respect. You're in good company!

David​


On Mon, Nov 6, 2017 at 11:10 AM, Maia McCormick via Callers <
callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> So after a gig, I find myself haunted by one or two missteps from an
> evening — the rolling start that was a little muddy, the thing I didn’t
> teach clearly enough so the dancers never quite got it — even though the
> dancers adjusted and all had a good time, and I still had the hall’s trust
> and goodwill at the end of the evening.
>
> Is this a familiar experience for anyone? Assuming you’ve already learned
> the lesson to be learned there, how do you move past it and stop
> self-flagellating?Would love to hear some people’s thoughts!
>
> Cheers,
> Maia
>
> ___
> List Name:  Callers mailing list
> List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
>
___
List Name:  Callers mailing list
List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/

Re: [Callers] Moving past self-flagellation

[John W Gintell via Callers]

This is what is important - it is why we go to dances.

"the dancers adjusted and all had a good time, and I still had the hall’s trust 
and goodwill at the end of the evening”

And I think it is fun as a dancer to occasionally have to cope with messed-up 
dancing due to dancers, callers, or bands mistakes or  miscues.


> On Nov 6, 2017, at 11:10 AM, Maia McCormick via Callers 
>  wrote:
> 
> So after a gig, I find myself haunted by one or two missteps from an evening 
> — the rolling start that was a little muddy, the thing I didn’t teach clearly 
> enough so the dancers never quite got it — even though the dancers adjusted 
> and all had a good time, and I still had the hall’s trust and goodwill at the 
> end of the evening.
> 
> Is this a familiar experience for anyone? Assuming you’ve already learned the 
> lesson to be learned there, how do you move past it and stop 
> self-flagellating?Would love to hear some people’s thoughts!
> 
> Cheers,
> Maia
> ___

___
List Name:  Callers mailing list
List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/

Re: [Callers] Moving past self-flagellation

[Rich Sbardella via Callers]

I have learned that owning my mistakes publicly is an important part of
moving forward.  Sometimes I use humor to soften the blow.  Another very
important thing I have learned is to make the next dance a great dance.
Something fun, with guaranteed success.  Our mistakes bother us more that
they bother most dancers.

My belief is that we are hired to help the dancers have a good time.  One
or two little mistakes will not destroy our efforts, and even a major
mistake need not be taken out of the context of an overall successful
evening.  (BTW, these are truths that I am still learning)

Rich Sbardella
Stafford, CT


On Mon, Nov 6, 2017 at 11:10 AM, Maia McCormick via Callers <
callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> So after a gig, I find myself haunted by one or two missteps from an
> evening — the rolling start that was a little muddy, the thing I didn’t
> teach clearly enough so the dancers never quite got it — even though the
> dancers adjusted and all had a good time, and I still had the hall’s trust
> and goodwill at the end of the evening.
>
> Is this a familiar experience for anyone? Assuming you’ve already learned
> the lesson to be learned there, how do you move past it and stop
> self-flagellating?Would love to hear some people’s thoughts!
>
> Cheers,
> Maia
>
> ___
> List Name:  Callers mailing list
> List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
>
___
List Name:  Callers mailing list
List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/

Re: [Callers] Moving past self-flagellation

[Charles via Callers]

Great topic, Maia -

I'm reminded of what a college environmental science professor once said: "The 
solution to pollution is dilution." In terms of your question, I find one 
solution is to call more gigs; that way, there is less time to brood over 
mistakes, and the errors become less noticeable!

That in addition to all of the other tips that others have already provided 
might provide some comfort...


From: Callers  on behalf of Maia 
McCormick via Callers 
Sent: Monday, November 6, 2017 4:10 PM
To: callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Subject: [Callers] Moving past self-flagellation

So after a gig, I find myself haunted by one or two missteps from an evening — 
the rolling start that was a little muddy, the thing I didn’t teach clearly 
enough so the dancers never quite got it — even though the dancers adjusted and 
all had a good time, and I still had the hall’s trust and goodwill at the end 
of the evening.

Is this a familiar experience for anyone? Assuming you’ve already learned the 
lesson to be learned there, how do you move past it and stop 
self-flagellating?Would love to hear some people’s thoughts!

Cheers,
Maia
___
List Name:  Callers mailing list
List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/

Re: [Callers] Moving past self-flagellation

[Jerome Grisanti via Callers]

Maia,

I agree with what others have said about attitude being the most important
tool, and to be gentle with yourself.

I will sometimes tell the beginners lesson that they shouldn't get caught
up on making mistakes, we all make mistakes, in fact tonight I will make a
mistake to increase their comfort level, if it helps. And although I don't
TRY to make a mistake, mistakes happen.

Most recently, I said "ladies chain" instead of "ladies allemande" in a
walkthru. "Oops," I said, "I meant allemande. I made that mistake
intentionally to show that it's still okay even if you do something you
didn't initially intend to do." We continued the walkthru, the dance worked
fine, and the light touch signaled not only that "it's okay" but also "be
gentle with each other."

On those rare nights when all the stars align in my performance, we don't
get those learning moments on the floor. There are good possible outcomes
in most every scenario, as long as there's good dancing.

Even when things beyond my control go wrong, I've learned to redirect. For
example, if the sound goes wonky, when the sound is restored it's a good
idea to acknowledge how much the sound tech works behind the scenes to make
most evenings so seamless. Let's thank him/her for all they do. (Okay, I
stole this from another caller, but it's come in handy more than once).

--Jerome

Jerome Grisanti
660-528-0858
http://www.jeromegrisanti.com

"Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power
and magic in it." --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

On Mon, Nov 6, 2017 at 10:10 AM, Maia McCormick via Callers <
callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> So after a gig, I find myself haunted by one or two missteps from an
> evening — the rolling start that was a little muddy, the thing I didn’t
> teach clearly enough so the dancers never quite got it — even though the
> dancers adjusted and all had a good time, and I still had the hall’s trust
> and goodwill at the end of the evening.
>
> Is this a familiar experience for anyone? Assuming you’ve already learned
> the lesson to be learned there, how do you move past it and stop
> self-flagellating?Would love to hear some people’s thoughts!
>
> Cheers,
> Maia
>
> ___
> List Name:  Callers mailing list
> List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
>
___
List Name:  Callers mailing list
List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/

Re: [Callers] Moving past self-flagellation

[Kelsey Hartman via Callers]

Seth Tapfer said something in a callers' workshop once that has become my
"go to" for this sort of issue. Everyone makes mistakes, it's how the
caller reacts/responds (do it with a sense of humor and NEVER blame the
dancers) that makes all the difference in the world.

I just came off a dance weekend where one of the callers repeatedly made
mistakes, which were made because there wasn't enough care or thought
involved and was very arrogant with not wanting to adapt to changing
language (using something other than the "g" word as asked) and I, as a
dancer, am still angry and upset. I know that I will never go to a weekend
or evening dance when that caller is listed again. If that caller had
approached it all very differently, I would have been on their side in
spite of the mistakes.



On Mon, Nov 6, 2017 at 8:17 AM, Perry Shafran via Callers <
callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> Maia,
>
> I used to self-flagellate all the time when I had average gigs or made a
> lot of mistakes during the evening that I could have done better.  I know
> that sometimes it seems that dancers give you the evil eye after you've
> made a mistake or two, and it can feel uncomfortable.
>
> I got some advice from an organizer that really noticed how I was taking
> my own self flagellation - I should go easy on myself.  Most dancers really
> appreciate what callers do (knowing that many of them just don't want to
> call because they'd rather be dancing), and probably understand that it's
> probably not easy to put yourself up there.
>
> So now when I do make a mistake, notice the dancers aren't quite getting
> it or something occurs a little rough, I just take that as a learning
> experience and hope not to make that mistake the next time.  It's a mental
> exercise to be sure, but I'd recommend trying the same thing at a future
> dance, except consciously be aware of what happened last time and make
> efforts to correct that.  Once it works better a second time, you'll forget
> that you made a mistake at en earlier dance and chalk that up to a bad
> evening.  We all have them from time to time.
>
> Perry
>
>
> --
> *From:* Maia McCormick via Callers 
> *To:* "callers@lists.sharedweight.net" 
> *Sent:* Monday, November 6, 2017 11:10 AM
> *Subject:* [Callers] Moving past self-flagellation
>
> So after a gig, I find myself haunted by one or two missteps from an
> evening — the rolling start that was a little muddy, the thing I didn’t
> teach clearly enough so the dancers never quite got it — even though the
> dancers adjusted and all had a good time, and I still had the hall’s trust
> and goodwill at the end of the evening.
>
> Is this a familiar experience for anyone? Assuming you’ve already learned
> the lesson to be learned there, how do you move past it and stop
> self-flagellating?Would love to hear some people’s thoughts!
>
> Cheers,
> Maia
> ___
> List Name:  Callers mailing list
> List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
>
>
> ___
> List Name:  Callers mailing list
> List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
>


-- 
Keep Dancing!
Kelsey Hartman
(510) 816-7225
___
List Name:  Callers mailing list
List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/

Re: [Callers] Moving past self-flagellation

[Claire Baffaut via Callers]

Ah yes!
Indeed it is a familiar feeling. So this pep talk is as much to myself as
it is to you.

- Live performance means that there will be mistakes.
- It is not possible to learn anything without making mistakes. If you are
not making any, you're not learning.
- Identify a few things that could be done differently (just a few as you
cannot fix everything at once).
- Ask for gentle, objective feedback or suggestions.
- Once you've done these last two, forgive yourself. You'll do better next
time.
- Hopefully, you can look forward the next gig and I wish you that it goes
well and make you feel good.

Cheers,

Claire

On Mon, Nov 6, 2017 at 10:10 AM, Maia McCormick via Callers <
callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> So after a gig, I find myself haunted by one or two missteps from an
> evening — the rolling start that was a little muddy, the thing I didn’t
> teach clearly enough so the dancers never quite got it — even though the
> dancers adjusted and all had a good time, and I still had the hall’s trust
> and goodwill at the end of the evening.
>
> Is this a familiar experience for anyone? Assuming you’ve already learned
> the lesson to be learned there, how do you move past it and stop
> self-flagellating?Would love to hear some people’s thoughts!
>
> Cheers,
> Maia
>
> ___
> List Name:  Callers mailing list
> List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
>


-- 
*Claire*
___
List Name:  Callers mailing list
List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/

Re: [Callers] Moving past self-flagellation

[Perry Shafran via Callers]

Maia,
I used to self-flagellate all the time when I had average gigs or made a lot of 
mistakes during the evening that I could have done better.  I know that 
sometimes it seems that dancers give you the evil eye after you've made a 
mistake or two, and it can feel uncomfortable.  

I got some advice from an organizer that really noticed how I was taking my own 
self flagellation - I should go easy on myself.  Most dancers really appreciate 
what callers do (knowing that many of them just don't want to call because 
they'd rather be dancing), and probably understand that it's probably not easy 
to put yourself up there.  

So now when I do make a mistake, notice the dancers aren't quite getting it or 
something occurs a little rough, I just take that as a learning experience and 
hope not to make that mistake the next time.  It's a mental exercise to be 
sure, but I'd recommend trying the same thing at a future dance, except 
consciously be aware of what happened last time and make efforts to correct 
that.  Once it works better a second time, you'll forget that you made a 
mistake at en earlier dance and chalk that up to a bad evening.  We all have 
them from time to time.
Perry


  From: Maia McCormick via Callers 
 To: "callers@lists.sharedweight.net"  
 Sent: Monday, November 6, 2017 11:10 AM
 Subject: [Callers] Moving past self-flagellation
   
So after a gig, I find myself haunted by one or two missteps from an evening — 
the rolling start that was a little muddy, the thing I didn’t teach clearly 
enough so the dancers never quite got it — even though the dancers adjusted and 
all had a good time, and I still had the hall’s trust and goodwill at the end 
of the evening.
Is this a familiar experience for anyone? Assuming you’ve already learned the 
lesson to be learned there, how do you move past it and stop 
self-flagellating?Would love to hear some people’s thoughts!
Cheers,Maia___
List Name:  Callers mailing list
List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/


   ___
List Name:  Callers mailing list
List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/

[Callers] Moving past self-flagellation

[Maia McCormick via Callers]

So after a gig, I find myself haunted by one or two missteps from an
evening — the rolling start that was a little muddy, the thing I didn’t
teach clearly enough so the dancers never quite got it — even though the
dancers adjusted and all had a good time, and I still had the hall’s trust
and goodwill at the end of the evening.

Is this a familiar experience for anyone? Assuming you’ve already learned
the lesson to be learned there, how do you move past it and stop
self-flagellating?Would love to hear some people’s thoughts!

Cheers,
Maia
___
List Name:  Callers mailing list
List Address:  Callers@lists.sharedweight.net
Archives:  https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/