Re: [Callers] Empowering people to say "Yes" while also empowering them to say "No"

[Maia McCormick via Callers]

This is a really interesting question! I've also certainly worried about
this tension, especially in re: people's right to decline any dance. A
friend of mine once described it in a nifty way: "you can always decline a
dance" is consent 101. It's the basic lesson, and you really want folks
(esp. the folks with societal conditioning against saying "no") to
internalize it. After that is solid, though, you get to consent 201: "you
can always say 'no', but there are all sorts of reasons you might say 'no',
and it's worth thinking about where those feelings come from. Is it a
matter of personal safety, or does this person not look like the people you
usually socialize with, or...?"

I think my biggest follow-up question to you is: when you talk about
wanting to empower people to say "yes", is this a need you've seen, or just
think theoretically could exist? Even with the degree to which the dance
community has started empowering people to say "no", the vast, vst
majority of people still do the twirls and still make eye contact, and I
don't see people shrugging off those options just for the hell of it. So I
guess I'm asking: what behavior are you seeing in these arenas that
concerns you?

I will grant that declining dances is a thornier subject, because there ARE
a bunch of folks in our community who people are less excited to dance with
for some really unfair reasons (e.g. fat folks, disabled folks, etc.) This
is definitely something we as a community need to talk about and address to
make contra a welcoming space to all.

I know that my friend group tries very consciously to set examples of
asking everyone to dance, and I've heard a good line (on SharedWeight?):
"you never know who might give you your best dance of the evening." My
personal check on myself (esp. at dance weekends, where I'm likely to be
really excited about dancing with all my friends that I rarely see) is that
I need to have at least one "mediocre" (quote unquote) dance per < day /
session / etc. > -- which means I need to dance with someone who's less
skilled, or with an unknown quantity/someone I might not otherwise dance
with. (And then if they turn out to be a splendid dance partner, well, yay!
I had better go ask someone *else* outside of my usual circle to dance.)

I also want to remind everyone that the burden of inclusivity lies not just
on the ask-ees, but also -- maybe moreso? -- on the ask-ERs. Our concern
should not JUST be "if we tell people (often women*) that when asked, they
may say no, what if they say no to EVERYONE?" 1. Ask-ees (women) are not
the gatekeepers of the contradance experience, but more importantly, 2. If
we want to create an inclusive dance community, we also have to foster one
where ask-ERs (often men, though decreasingly so) will ask everyone,
regardless of age, size, gender, ability, etc.

* I imagine that the "empowerment to say no" disproportionately comes into
play for women being asked to dance, so if we're worried about "being able
to say 'no'" going "too far", that has some implicit gender behind it in my
mind.

Final thought: we talk so much about how it's okay to say "no" because many
of us -- especially women -- are so conditioned AGAINST saying "no". It
would be a pretty cool problem to have, I think, if people felt comfortable
enough advocating for their boundaries and physical limitations that we had
to focus hard on empowering people to say "yes" again.

There are a bunch of (not necessarily organized) thoughts. Thanks for
broaching this topic!

- Maia

On Fri, Sep 13, 2019 at 6:32 PM jim saxe via Callers <
callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> In discussions among dance callers and organizers, online and off, a
> variety of topics come up from time to time that might be grouped under the
> heading of empowering people (especially new dancers) to say "No".  Some
> examples:
>
>  * Assuring new dancers that it's ok to decline an invitation
>to dance as someone's partner, and that doing so doesn't
>oblige them to give a reason nor to sit out the dance.
>
>  * Telling people that if they're not comfortable making eye
>contact, they can look at, for example, the forehead or
>ear of the person with whom they're swinging as a way to
>avoid getting dizzy from looking at the walls.
>
>  * Teaching how to decline a partner's or neighbor's attempt
>to lead a twirl or other embellishment.
>
> Without downplaying the importance of empowering people to say "No", I'd
> like to know if anyone has ideas about empowering people to say "Yes"
> (while still empowering them to say "No").  For example:
>
>  * While I agree that nobody should feel compelled to dance
>with any particular partner, I think it's nice to be in a
>community where most dancers are comfortable dancing with
>a variety of partners and where a single person arriving
>with no regular partner of group of friends doesn't face
>the prosp

[Callers] Empowering people to say "Yes" while also empowering them to say "No"

[jim saxe via Callers]

In discussions among dance callers and organizers, online and off, a variety of 
topics come up from time to time that might be grouped under the heading of 
empowering people (especially new dancers) to say "No".  Some examples:

 * Assuring new dancers that it's ok to decline an invitation
   to dance as someone's partner, and that doing so doesn't
   oblige them to give a reason nor to sit out the dance.

 * Telling people that if they're not comfortable making eye
   contact, they can look at, for example, the forehead or
   ear of the person with whom they're swinging as a way to
   avoid getting dizzy from looking at the walls.

 * Teaching how to decline a partner's or neighbor's attempt
   to lead a twirl or other embellishment.

Without downplaying the importance of empowering people to say "No", I'd like 
to know if anyone has ideas about empowering people to say "Yes" (while still 
empowering them to say "No").  For example:

 * While I agree that nobody should feel compelled to dance
   with any particular partner, I think it's nice to be in a
   community where most dancers are comfortable dancing with
   a variety of partners and where a single person arriving
   with no regular partner of group of friends doesn't face
   the prospect of being an involuntary wallflower for most
   (or all) of the evening.

 * While I agree that nobody should feel required to make
   eye contact if they find it uncomfortable, I rather like
   dancing in a community where people generally do enjoy
   making more eye contact on the dance floor than they do
   with random passing strangers on the street. I wouldn't
   want to emphasize teaching avoidance of eye contact to
   point of developing into a community where everyone
   habitually looks at or past their partner's ear.  (And
   no, that doesn't mean I think it's ok for dancer A to
   gaze at dancer B as if he meant to fall through her eyes
   into her very soul while dancer B very obviously is not
   responding in kind.  [Stereotyped gendered pronouns
   intentional, but the same point applies with any other
   pair of pronouns.])

 * I've sometimes heard the action borrowed from "Petronella"
   described with words such as "move or spin one place to
   the right."  To me that seems to suggest that just walking
   to the next spot around the ring is the standard version
   of the figure and that spinning is an embellishment.  I'd
   rather suggest that the spin is standard and the leaving
   it out is an adaptation for those with limited mobility,
   energy, or balance.

Perhaps some of you can think of other examples.

When someone makes two remarks--call them P and Q--that seem to suggest 
different courses of action, it's tempting to read them as being connected by a 
"but" ("P but Q") and to assume that the person means to imply that whichever 
remark came second (that is, the one after the explicit or implicit "but") 
thoroughly overrides the one that came first.  That's not my intention here.  
I'd really like to get some conversation going about helping people feel 
empowered to say "Yes" and ALSO helping them feel empowered to say "No".  As an 
illustration that those need not be conflicting goals, let me mention that IMO 
one of the things that can most empower someone to say "Yes" is confidence that 
they'll be respected when they want to say "No".

Thoughts, anyone?

--Jim

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Re: [Callers] Using music in beginner session

[Woody Lane via Callers]

Hi Ken,

Actually, not in a line. I start with all the dancers in a circle (I'm 
in the center so I can easily be seen and heard, even with a wireless 
mic). They work with their partner for moves like the allemandes, 
dos-i-do, gypsy (or whatever I call it), swing (walking swing), balance 
& swing, etc.


Then I get them into groups of 4 (two couples). Again, the foursomes are 
in a circle around me so they can see and hear me. That's when we do the 
various moves needed for contra dancing -- circle L (and R), circle 3/4, 
circle 1/2, courtesy turns, pass through, R&L through, ladies chain, 
1/2-hey, full hey. Maybe the petronella turn and/or star, depending on 
the group and my program. Then I ask the musicians to play a tune and 
hash call many of these moves, as I outlined previously. There are some 
other details in there during this session, but that gives you the gist. 
Oh yes, at the very end, I bring the newcomers together in a close 
huddle, off mic, to talk about some of the conventions of contra dancing 
(partnering, feeling safe, refusing a request, whom to notify for 
problems, etc.)


I don't get them into lines. I don't worry about their learning about 
lines or progression during the lesson. I know I can teach that easily 
at the beginning of the first contra, when the entire room is lined up 
so we flow directly into the first real dance.


Woody


On 9/13/2019 5:01 AM, K Panton via Callers wrote:

Woody:

it's been many years since I danced to your calling.

Q: in your intro session, how have you got the dancers configured 
(circle, long lines)?


Your comments suggest, to me, that you have them in long lines throughout.

Ken Panton



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Re: [Callers] Using music in the pre-dance lesson

[John Sweeney via Callers]

Hi Jim,

Q: I said, "The only thing I focus on with respect to music is getting them
to hear the eights and be ready for the next "one"."  You asked, "do you say
anything in particular about the structure of the music or have new dancers
do any particular exercises to practice awareness of "the eights"?

A: I always start by playing some music and saying, "Everything happens in
eights. ONE, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, ONE..." Emphasising the ONEs and only
whispering the rest of the numbers.  If there is time I may ask them to clap
on ONE, but I often feel that some of them are just trying to clap when
everyone else does and not really listening to the music.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Q: Re: [Circle Left, Into the Middle & Back, Swing your Neighbour].
Repeat... You asked, " Do I correctly understand that this is an exercise
you have them do in big circle formation?  Do you say or do anything in
particular to teach them to hear the end of a phrase approaching and
recognize when they don't have enough music left to swing another time
around?"

A: Yes, I get everyone in a big circle; I am usually in the circle as I wear
a wireless head mike.  The spiel goes something like this:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
In this type of dancing, the lady is always right... man on the left, lady
on the right.  And the lady has the upper hand... the men do this, and the
ladies hook over the top.  Use hooks to connect with each other so that you
don't have to use your thumbs - never grip anyone with your thumb. Elbows
down, hands slightly raised.

Now  CIRCLE LEFT, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, CIRCLE RIGHT, 1, 2, 3,
4, 5, 6, CIRCLE LEFT, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, TURN aROUND, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, TURN
aROUND, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, CIRCLE RIGHT 
OK that was just to see who is listening! I won't normally do that, you will
usually know which move is coming next .

You should feel connected to the people around you so that you are helping
the person behind you and the person in front of you is helping you to move
around the circle

Now some of you are doing this ,
thinking lo yourself, "look how good I am with my left hand perfect".  But
actually you are dragging down the hand of the person behind you.  This is
known as the "Nelly the Elephant Syndrome".  The way to avoid it is to turn
your body at the hips; keep facing the centre and turn your hips to the left
and the right - try it.

You always want to be facing the right way for the next move, so change
direction on 7 and 8.  Let's circle again, feeling connected,  CIRCLE LEFT 5, 6, TURN aROUND... 5, 6, TURN aROUND...  .



http://contrafusion.co.uk/Contra.html#swinging, with special focus on how to
finish facing in the correct direction on the correct side.>

So just like we use 7 and 8 in the circles to get ready for the next move,
the same thing happens in the swing.  If the man finishes facing in the
right direction on 8, and you are still in ballroom hold , then the lady is facing the wrong way.  Because of the direction
of the swing, the man always finishes first, so he has to stop on 6, leaving
the lady two beats to open out .  If you go too
far don't jerk back the other way, keep turning. add another quick turn and
get ready for the next move.  So, just like the circles, don’t think of it
as an eight-beat move, think of it as a six beat move, then two beats to get
ready for the next move.  



Plan ahead so that you are ready for the next move.  If you find that you
aren't ready then do fewer turns.  You can add more as you get better.

 Circle Left, Into the Middle & Back, 1, 2, 3, STAMP...
Swing your Neighbour... 5, 6, OPEN OUT  .
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

So, I do a lot of counting, emphasising the ones and the "5, 6" so
that they realise that they must use 7 and 8 to finish the move and get
ready for the next.  And I emphasise the 4 in Into the Middle and Forward &
Back.

If there is time then I will do a simple dance. If there is time for
two then I will do Family Contra and East Litchfield Volunteers.  If there
is only time for one then I will do East Litchfield Volunteers. It adds the
very useful Allemande and Dosido, but otherwise only uses moves we have done
already, and provides an easy progression.  The prime swing is a Neighbour
Swing so that there is more chance of them swinging with experienced dancers
and not messing up the progression.

East Litchfield Volunteers by Jim Gregory
Contra; Improper
A1: Circle Left; Circle Right 
A2: Neighbour Allemande Right; Neighbour Allemande Left 
B1: Neighbour Dosido; Neighbour Swing (to progress) 
B2: Long Lines Go Forward & Back
 #1s Swing, finish facing down to the next couple

Sometimes instead I will teach the first dance and maybe run it a
couple of times so that they get a heads-up before we start the dance.

I hope that helps.

    Happy dancing,  
   John 

John Sweeney, Dancer, E

Re: [Callers] Using music in beginner session

[K Panton via Callers]

Woody:

it's been many years since I danced to your calling.

Q: in your intro session, how have you got the dancers configured (circle,
long lines)?

Your comments suggest, to me, that you have them in long lines throughout.

Ken Panton

>
>
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