-Caveat Lector-
Snappy Answers to Leftists
By Tom Adkins
Sierra Times | March 11, 2003
Tired of those stupid liberal soundbytes about the impending war
against Iraq? Here are some handy snappy answers!
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Leftists: The United States is taking unilateral action against Iraq!
Answer: So far, it's a 90-member worldwide "unilateral" coalition.
Leftists: We are in a rush to war.
Answer: An 11-year rush?
Leftists: Tough inspections can disarm Saddam Hussein without invading
Iraq.
Answer: Years of inspections have done wonders so far.
Leftists: We should let the inspectors finish their job.
Answer: We did. They didn't. We will.
Leftists: Why fight? The Iraqi military is weaker than in 1991.
Answer: But their biological weapons and chemical weapons are much more
dangerous.
Leftists: There's no proof of weapons.
Answer: We know they have 'em, we know they hide 'em, and we have tape
recordings and photographs. What more is needed? An Iraqi rocket in
Martin Sheen's shorts?
Leftists: If we invade, Saddam Hussein might use those weapons of mass
destruction against us.
Answer: I thought you said Iraq didn't have them!
Leftists: But terrorists might attack if we invade Iraq.
Answer: Oh…so if we don't attack Iraq, terrorists will never strike
again?
Leftists: We shouldn't go to war without a UN resolution.
Answer: ANOTHER resolution? What about the last 16 resolutions? Shall
we use them as wallpaper? Or shall we use the same resolutions Bill
Clinton used in Bosnia?
Leftists: We don't have a real declaration for war.
Answer: It's called "Joint Congressional Resolution #114."
Leftists: If North Korea has nuclear weapons, why aren't we invading
them first?
Answer: First things first.
North Korea has not invaded two neighboring countries within the past
two decades. Iraq did.
North Korea does not pay $20,000 in blood money to the families of
terrorist murderers. Iraq does.
North Korea has not used nerve gas and mustard gas against invaded
countries as well as its own citizens. It's merely starving them. Iraq
HAS used poison gases.
Iraq, not North Korea, welcomes and houses Arab terrorists who despise
Israel and its only ally in the world, America. There are more reasons,
but these will do.
Leftists: European leaders are against the war.
Answer: The Reichstag wasn't attacked. The Grande Palace wasn't
attacked. The Kremlin wasn't attacked. And the Jerry Lewis Lifetime
Achievement Museum wasn't attacked. America was attacked. And besides,
except for the tantrums of France, Belgium and Germany, only three
European nations aren't willing to defend freedom. The entire rest of
Europe is with America.
Leftists: The French don't support the war.
Answer: Oh…did they surrender already?
Leftists: Germany objects to this war.
Answer: Germany objected to Reagan's "attitude" towards the Soviet
Union. Of course, they objected to our presence in 1943 as well.
Leftists: Belgians are against the war.
Answer: I can live without Waffles and ice cream.
Leftists: Russia doesn't support the war.
Answer: They are still angry over Reagan's brilliant Cold War victory.
Leftists: Polls show Europeans are against this war.
Answer: Polls show Europeans believe their freedom was achieved by
endlessly debating in marvelous dining halls, conveniently forgetting
their right to be pompous blowhards was granted with American blood,
not fabulous wine and brie…
Leftists: We should build a coalition with our friends.
Answer: With friends like these, who needs enemies?
Leftists: What happens if we can't build a United Nations coalition?
Answer: Who cares?
Leftists: But the UN is the world's most respected governing body.
Answer: Not as respected as the US military.
Leftists: America has always waited until enemies attacked.
Answer: Now that oceans can't hold back enemies, pre-emptive war is
forever a necessity.
Leftists: War will cost billions!
Answer: So…how much is YOUR city worth?
Leftists: President Bush says he's willing to violating the 1976
executive order forbidding assassinations of foreign leaders.
Answer: As soon as the ink is dry on rescinding that idiotic order,
will someone please pull the trigger? The line forms to the right…
Leftists: Many Senators don't support Bush
Answer: Are you speaking of the Senators from Bordeaux?
Leftists: Tom Daschle says George Bush has a "credibility gap"
Answer: When was the last time we came to Tom Daschle for the truth???
Leftists: These problems didn't happen under Clinton.
Answer: Actually, they happened. But Clinton ignored them. Now, Bush
will clean up his mess.
Leftists: But Clinton didn't start a war.
Answer: Unless his girlfriend was testifying before congress…
Leftists: Bush 1st should have taken out Hussein in '91.
Answer: That 1991 UN resolution forbade a march on Baghdad. Remember?
Leftists: Millions of peace activists are demanding we stop the war.
Answer: Millions of Iraqi's are begging for us to start the war.
Leftists: Thousands of innocents will be killed or injured.
Answer: That's a l
