-Caveat Lector- This was forwarded to me - it's hilarious! Samantha ------------- I was sent this by my friend in Scotland To the citizens of the United States of America, > > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to > govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your > independence, > effective today. > > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties > over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which > she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP > for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a > world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without > the > need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. > A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of > you noticed. > > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following > rules > are introduced with immediate effect: > > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then > look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed > at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should > raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using > the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as > "like" > and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of > communication. Look up "interspersed". > > 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on > your behalf. > > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It > really isn't that hard. > > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the > good guys. > > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", > but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get > confused and give up half way through. > > 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of > football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good > game. > > The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders > may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no > longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. > > Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a > difficult > game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to > play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve > stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body > armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby > sevens side by 2005. > > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if > they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there > is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The > Russians > have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t". > > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new > national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive > Day". > > 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your > own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. > > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. > > > Thank you for your cooperation. > > > > The information contained in this message is confidential and is intended > for > the addressee only. If you have received this message in error or there > are any > problems please notify the originator immediately. The unauthorised use, > disclosure, copying or alteration of this message is strictly forbidden. > This > mail and any attachments have been scanned for viruses prior to leaving > the Bank > of Scotland Group network. Bank of Scotland Group will not be liable for > direct, > special, indirect or consequential damages arising from alteration of the > contents of this message by a third party or as a result of any virus > being > passed on. > > ********************************************************************** Information contained herein is the sole responsibility of the Individual sending the message. No responsibility is admitted by Scottish Amicable for any loss or damage incurred through use of the email. In addition, no statement should be construed as giving investment advice within or outside the United Kingdom. An email reply to this address may be subject to interception or monitoring for operational reasons or for lawful business practices. <A HREF="http://www.ctrl.org/">www.ctrl.org</A> DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion & informational exchange list. Proselytizing propagandic screeds are unwelcomed. Substance—not soap-boxing—please! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory'—with its many half-truths, mis- directions and outright frauds—is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRLgives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers; be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credence to Holocaust denial and nazi's need not apply. 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