-Caveat Lector- http://www.urbanlegends.com/animals/gerbilling/gerbils_gerbils_and_more.html The AFU and Urban Legend Archive Animals Gerbilling gerbils gerbils and more Select a topic- - - - - - - -HomeSearchesAFU FAQ- - - - - - - -AFUAnimalsBooksCelebritiesClassicCollegiateDeathDisneyDrug sFoodGIFLanguageLegalMedicalMiscMoviesPoliticsProductsReligionScienceSexSong sTV- - - - - - - -Other sites Subject: GERBILMANIA: everything you wanted to know but were afraid... This article is from a syndicated column called, The Straight Dope, and was written by Cecil Adams. It was published in the Chicago Reader, sometime in 1986. [NOTE: Since this column was published, Uncle Cecil has stated in his book _More of the Straight Dope_ that under closer examination, the "confirmed report of gerbillectomy" he mentions here came to nothing, and he's now skeptical that any real evidence of gerbilling exists. More specific and up-to-date cites are on their way. Thanks to Ian York for pointing this out. --ehk, 96/05/30] THE STRAIGHT DOPE > While discussing a gay acquaintance recently, my friend Mary, a nurse, > lauded him by adding, "and he's no damn gerbil stuffer, either." When I > protested that she should not perpetuate cruel stereotypes of our > homosexual brethren, she informed me that she personally had witnessed a > fellow admitted by her hospital to remove a deceased gerbil lodged in his > rectum. That gentleman is now doomed to be tied to a colostomy bag > through eternity. What I'd like to know is, what are the mechanics and > philosophy of gerbil stuffing? How are the gerbils inserted and > retrieved? Don't they bite and scratch? Why not hamsters or snakes? Is > this a common practice? My curious friends and I await your reply with > bated breath. -- Shannon O'Hara, W. Thomas Let's face it, toots, an awful lot of stuff has been found where that gerbil was found. The medical journals list an astonishing array: a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's syrup, an ax handle, a nine-inch zucchini, countless didoes and vibrators including one 14-inch model complete with two D-cell batteries, a plastic spatula, a 9 1/2-inch water bottle, a deodorant bottle, a Coke bottle, a large bottle cap, numerous other bottles, a 3 1/2-inch Japanese glass float ball, an 11-inch carrot, an antenna rod, a 150-watt light bulb, a 100-watt frosted bulb, a cucumber, a screwdriver, four rubber balls, 72 1/2 jeweler's saws (all from one patient, but not all at the same time, although 29 were discovered on one occasion), a paperweight, an apple, an onion, a plastic toothbrush package, two bananas, a frozen pig's tail (it got stuck when it thawed), a ten-inch length of broomstick, an 18-inch umbrella handle and central rod, a plantain encased in a condom, two Vaseline jars, a whiskey bottle with a cord attached, a teacup, an oil can, a six-by-five-inch tool box weighing 22 ounces, a six-inch stone weighing two pounds (in the latter two cases the patients died due to intestinal obstruction), a baby powder can, a test tube, a ball-point pen, a peanut butter jar, candles, baseballs, a sand-filled bicycle inner tube, sewing needles, a flashlight, a half-filled tobacco pouch, a turnip, a pair of eyeglasses, a hard-boiled egg, a carborundum grindstone (with handle), a suitcase key, a syringe, a file tumblers and glasses, a polyethylene waste trap from the U-bench of a sink, and so on. In 1955 one man who was "feeling depressed" reportedly inserted a six-inch paper tube into his rectum, dropped in a lighted firecracker, and blew a hole in his anterior rectal wall. This changed his mood multo rapido. As for live or recently deceased fauna, rumors of gerbil (and mouse or hamster) stuffing have been circulating since about 1982, and I know of at least one case, in 1984, when a Denver weekly printed a confirmed report of gerbilectomy in a local emergency room. Unfortunately, such cases have been slow in making their way into the formal literature of medicine. I have checked with numerous sources, including gays, doctors, and your nurse friend, and though everybody has heard about gerbil stuffing, there is no consensus on how it is accomplished or how often it occurs. The principle is simple: a tube is inserted in the rectum, and a recently manicured gerbil is induced to run up the tube and burrow in. There's some difference of opinion about what happens next. Some say the gerbil somehow winds up in a bag or sack (perhaps a condom?); others say no sack is used - the gerbil simply squirms around, eventually dies of suffocation, and is later eliminated during defecation. The kick supposedly is the sensation of fur. I am skeptical about this, but let's face it, I am skeptical about this whole damn business. I should note that there are nerve endings only in the lower extremities of the rectum, and thus there is nothing to be gained by shoveling extended families of gerbils into your lower quadrant. A word to the wise. Complications often occur. Often the rectum and/or anus becomes lacerated, torn, or infected. (The Manhattan publication _New York Talk_ reported about a year ago that New York doctors first caught on to stuffing when they started encountering patients with infections previously found only in rodents.) More generally, chronic insertion of objects (or fists, for that matter) can result in a flaccid anus, a major turn-off in my book. Cecil sternly advises caution. And stick to mammals your own size. Cecil Adams http://www.urbanlegends.com/ Copyright Information <A HREF="http://www.ctrl.org/";>www.ctrl.org</A> DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER ========== CTRL is a discussion & informational exchange list. Proselytizing propagandic screeds are unwelcomed. Substance—not soap-boxing—please! These are sordid matters and 'conspiracy theory'—with its many half-truths, mis- directions and outright frauds—is used politically by different groups with major and minor effects spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRLgives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers; be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credence to Holocaust denial and nazi's need not apply. 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