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Have I Got an Arms Deal for You Huntsville Arms Dealers Make Out Like Bandits by Al Martin "Mr. Murphy," the Chinese arms merchant, is working as an agent for a Taiwan-based company called Samitron Corporation. It is on Samitron's behalf that he is dealing in the anti-personnel weapons called "marshmallows." (See previous column "Those Wacky Arms Dealers" ) It should be noted that Samitron is the largest manufacturer of toilet paper in Taiwan. So in essence, you have a toilet paper company dealing in illicit "marshmallows." Samitron Corporation, a Taiwan company, is actually controlled by the People's Republic of China, and it has been often used as a front for illicit weapons transactions. This information was revealed by Mr. Murphy's driver, a 7 ft. tall black guy named Jonesy, who drives Mr. Murphy around in a black Cadillac limo. Mr. Murphy is 4 ft. 9 in. tall and wears elevator shoes. He speaks in a broken Chinese Pidgin-English. Besides driving, Jonesy acts as a bodyguard, but Jonesy doesn't speak English either. All he speaks is Jive, but he can interpret what Mr. Murphy is saying. So you talk with Jonesy and he translates Mr. Murphy's Chinese Pidgin-English into Jive. Then you have to find someone who talks Jive to finally understand what's being said. So when they keep trying to make arrangements for trucking the "marshmallows" out of Huntsville, they talk about Penske (as in Penske Trucking) and Mr. Murphy calls it "Renske". He actually thinks these are different companies. Mr. Murphy has heard of U Haul and Penske, but the way he pronounces them, he thinks that "Ru Raul" is different than U Haul and "Renske" is different than Penske. When the Friendly Colonel finally asked Mr. Murphy what business Samitron was in, Mr. Murphy answers, "Roilet Raper." So he asked Jonesy what he said and Jonesy replies, "Yo, man, That's toilet paper, man." Maybe someone could sell it as a software application - a translation of Chinese Pidgin English and Jive. It has also been revealed that Mr. Murphy's partner is a German arms dealer who works for Siemens. All the other Huntsville arms dealers and the FBI agents call him "Heinz the Hun." In fact, that's what he calls himself. Mr. Murphy's five-ton cargo of "marshmallows" has finally left Huntsville and is being trucked to Decatur, Alabama on the Mississippi River. Then these illegal weapons will be transported by barge to New Orleans. Evidently Penske Trucking didn't want to transport the stuff once they found out what it was. One of the cardboard bankers' boxes, which contained the "marshmallows," was opened and the man in charge, who happened to be a former Army munitions guy, knew immediately what it was. He said, "We ain't touching it." So they had to look around and find someone who would do it with no questions asked. They finally found a tiny company in Madison, Alabama. It's a small one stop-light town, the next town over from Huntsville. The company is called Towelhead Trucking. I swear to God, I didn't make this up. It's run by these two Iranian guys who don't have any papers. They have a 1967 GMC five-ton truck that's rusty and all banged up. And on the door, it's got partially obscured in worn-off paint "Towelhead Trucking." They hardly speak any English. They're apparently undocumented Iranian aliens, who don't even have drivers' licenses. And they told him, "We don't give a shit what you have in there. You pay us. We drive it." At this weekend's auction, Mr. Murphy and Heinz the Hun will be bidding on an illegal missile system which will be transported to Tsing Hua. This is apparently an experimental missile system the United States worked on. They claimed they couldn't get it to work, but in fact it had already been perfected. If they claimed that they had gotten it to work, it would have violated the ABM Treaty. It was secretly finished but couldn't be deployed without violating the treaty, so the $16 billion of covert money that was spent on it was washed out and the missile system just sits in a warehouse marked "Used." They expect be able to buy it for $3 million. What a deal! It cost US taxpayers $16 billion to make it and illegal arms dealers will walk away with it for $3 million. He said that normally these guys get to buy stuff at one-hundredth of the price that taxpayers have paid. That's the normal fraction. This is an indication of how widespread the fraud and corruption really is. And nobody cares. The Friendly Colonel has just attended another one of the Endless Retirement Parties for the FBI Agents Who Never Retire. They've been held in limbo because the FBI doesn't want to let them go - because of what they know. So they just hang around the office all day long, and they have retirement parties, sponsored by different associations of illegal arms merchants. Mr. Murphy and Heinz the Hun are real chummy with these FBI agents. The Friendly Colonel told them, "You're supposed to be stopping people like this. What are you doing?" The FBI agents answered, "Its none of our business. We don't care -- as long as they keep footing the bills for our lobster lunches and Dewars and soda. One of the FBI agents actually admitted to him, "We know they're just simply executing an illegal covert policy of our own government. We have our pensions to think about. We have our offshore accounts from years of graft to protect. So we don't want to step on anybody's toes. Short of murdering people in this country, we don't really care what they do." One of the FBI agents characterized this lifestyle as having an "Endless Surf and Turf -- and a bottle of Chivas Regal that never runs dry." Courtesy of these illegal arms merchants. The Friendly Colonel can't get over it - how bold they are, considering they're still working for the FBI. The FBI says they're technically retired from the FBI, but they're still drawing a paycheck. One of the FBI agents has a brand new leased Lincoln Towncar from some outfit called Pan Universal Weapons System or something like that. The fraud is so open. Everybody knows that the American People can't do anything about it. Congress won't do anything about it. The media stays away from it by and large so it's just an open city. Usually what happens is that Saturday, there's an auction, and then there's a luncheon and then there's a follow-up meeting and luncheon on Sunday and then more meetings. From Friday night until Sunday night - it's just a continuous gorging yourself on lobster tails and filet mignon and Chivas Regal. It literally goes on for three days. Friday they have the viewing period for the auction. In a world where nothing is legitimate, how you commit a fraud itself falls into various categories. That's the difference between a "Cocktail Napkin Fraud" (an off the cuff fraud) and a "Real Fraud." If you just have invoices printed up with Trans Global Shipping and no address, no phone number, nothing, then it's called a "Cocktail Napkin Fraud." But if you incorporate in an offshore jurisdiction, have stationery printed up, get a mail drop and a telex numbers, you could make it a "Legitimate Fraud." This Culture of Fraud is such that you have to remember that everything that's being done is illegal -- but nobody thinks of it that way. It's just different classifications of illegality. If somebody's running a good fraud, a proper fraud, where all the titles are registered, the names are registered, you might actually start to think that what you're doing is "legitimate although it's still illegal. You could run it as an "off the cuff fraud," or you could run it as a "legitimate fraud" And when you really think about the word "legitimate" connected with the word "fraud" -- this is the culture. I would call it the Culture of Realism. Or the Culture of What It's All About and the Way Things Really Work. Over the weekend, Heinz the Hun's bid on a lot of "mushrooms" was also successful. "Mushrooms" are an arms dealer's euphemism for a certain type of land mine, which is shaped like a mushroom, hence the term "mushroom." These are very sophisticated laser actuated land mines. Instead of being pressure sensitive they are laser-sensitive. A field of these mines is set up around a defensive structure or on a roadway. It has a discrete laser system that's connected to the mines by a low frequency signal. If the laser beam is broken, the land mines are actuated. In other words, when the laser beam triggering system is off, your own troops can walk over them. It's been fielded in the Balkans, in Serbia, Macedonia, and Kosovo. The quantity they bought was so large it took six five-ton trucks to move them. The "mushrooms" are all crated up and pre-stamped by the Arsenal as "electric pencil sharpeners." It's all for customs purposes, of course. So Heinz the Hun and his partner Mr. Murphy the Chinaman have hired Trans Global Shipping and Storage to transport the "mushrooms" using the same route that the "marshmallows" took. But he had to find another trucking company. This one was called the Yahoo Trucking Company - at least that's what the Friendly Colonel calls it. Their claim to fame is that the owner won the Huntsville, Alabama Long Distance Tobacco Spitting Contest. After meeting the owners of the company in the trailer, which they use as an office, the Friendly Colonel spied the plaque on the wall. Now everybody's convinced that the Friendly Colonel is a colonel in the Israeli Army. He adds to this impression by going around saying "Shalom" all the time. The Friendly Colonel has had a very full weekend. He went to the regular Arsenal lunch on Saturday. Then he went to the lunch on Sunday at the Olive Garden that the arms dealers host for the Perpetually and Never-ending Retiring FBI agents. The never ending retiring FBI agents are hosted to a never-ending series of lunches and dinners at the Olive Garden with open bar and anything they want, filet mignon, lobster tails, all hosted by the Illegal Arms Dealers Association of Huntsville. These people, by the way, are the same people that the FBI agents are supposed to be stopping from doing what they're doing. But these FBI agents have been on the pad all their lives. They don't know any other way of living. You have to remember when these guys first went into the FBI, they were as naïve as all the others. Then they got this God, Home and Country crap shoved down their throats at Quantico. But after they'd been FBI agents for ten years, they figured out the way everything works and the way their own Bureau works. They started to look at things a little differently, a little more realistically. Guys that can't change their perspective from what they're taught at Quantico and convert over to Reality after ten years -- they just leave. But guys that stay on for twenty years or so and retire in their fifties like these guys -- they've already been on the pad for twenty years and they have plenty of money accumulated in their offshore accounts. You try to tell this to younger FBI agents and they don't want to believe you. The majority of people in the FBI go through their whole careers being out of the loop. Then they retire and think that everything's the way it's supposed to be; and there's a clear line between black and white; and they retire on their pensions and that's the end of them. But, within the FBI, there is what we call the Real People, the people that become "in the loop" and understand that there is no black or white, that it's all an infinite shade of gray. The guys who retire from the FBI, who have believed the God, Home and Country stuff all their lives and couldn't get out of it -- consequently they were left out of the loop on purpose. They are the people who retire to the $69,900 condo parks in Arizona. The guys who have been in the loop for the last twenty years of their career - they're the guys who retire to the half a million-dollar condos in St. Lucia. It's just the difference between Reality and the Disney Version of the Way Everything Works And so ends the final update on the Adventures of the Illegal Huntsville Arms Dealers. |
