-Caveat Lector-
NYPOST
OH, BROTHER, WHAT HICKS!
By LINDA STASI
August 26, 2001 -- WHAT'S with the men in Hillary Clinton's life? Talk
about bad taste and bad luck!
First, it was her wayward husband Bill going astray. Then it was her
wayward husband Bill allegedly cutting deals with her marginal brother
Huge, er, Hugh, on those questionable pardons.
Now, it's questionable brother Tony and marginal brother Huge duking it out
and rolling around the floor with a marginal/questionable character who
broke into their vacation home, successfully knocking Tony off the couch
upon which he was allegedly rolling around with the man's girlfriend.
This, mind you, was after a night of drinking at the local bar. The next
day, Tony, sporting a broken nose, bragged he got the better of
neighbor/intruder Daniel Coyne, even though it took both Tony and
tons-of-fun Hugh together to give him one shiner, several scrapes on his
legs and chest, and a dislocated shoulder.
The day after that, Tony bragged to the papers that he was just sorry he
didn't have a gun handy so he could have killed Coyne instead of just
beating him, or crushing him or whatever the hell they did to him.
Now we know why his sister, the U.S. senator sometimes from New York, is
not anti-gun. She'd be in court defending her brothers on murder charges
every five minutes and wouldn't have time to tend to her wayward husband
and/or job in the Senate.
Some family! I'm surprised they even have a home on a lake instead of a
place on wheels in the Ozarks. They should be let out only to appear on
The Jerry Springer Show.
Booby-prize pol
IT'S about time my esteemed colleagues in the media stopped saying Gary
Condit is perfectly coiffed. Perfectly coiffed? That haircut is enough
to cause hairdressers to commit suicide en masse. Look at it! He looks
like he's got a squirrel sitting on his head.
It's just shocking that a weasel living with a forest creature on his head
managed to lure not only as many women as he allegedly did, but any women
at all.
Well, I guess if you're in the market for a married man who makes $145,000
a year, with plenty of debts, two mortgages, grown kids and a job that
requires constantly kissing the royal backsides of any person willing to
give him a handout, he's your guy. But hey, there's always that
$20,000-a-year retirement he can get should he decide to collect next year.
I guess when the next best thing in D.C. is Jesse Helms, Congressman Condom
looks like a real prize. Or maybe not.
Bats in their belfry
NOT to stoop to baseball metaphors, but it was very odd, to say the least,
that bats were presented as gifts to Norman Rosenbaum and Carmel Cato
during the healing and reconciliation ceremony of the Crown Heights horror.
The fact that Mayor Giuliani brokered the reconciliation after 10 years was
great after 10 years, but bats? I mean, what's wrong with a nice fountain
pen?
And for reasons even more inexplicable, the bats bore not the names of say,
Derek Jeter or Mike Piazza, but of Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Now batting . .
.
The Tripp slip
NOT for nothing, but maybe if Linda Tripp had saved her money instead of
spending it on plastic surgery, she wouldn't have had to send out letters
to friends asking for handouts.
I mean, can't a girl be involved in a scandal without getting a makeover?
The letter, which was first sent in June, is again making the rounds, so,
apparently, neither George Bush has responded to her plea for a job, nor
have her friends handed over the asked-for donations.
Nobody likes a rat. And the fact of the matter is that, now that the dust
has settled, Monica Lewinsky's life is forever ruined. She will always be
a dirty joke - for doing what countless dumb girls have done with countless
older men in power.
And Tripp's life is destroyed.
And we're the ones who got raped. It took 48 million of our dollars to
find out whether or not the president had sex with the intern.
You've got e-mail
FROM Caroleanne: More real-life medical reports . . .
'While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.' 'The skin was moist
and dry.' 'Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.'
'She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she
got divorced.'
Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh, YHVH, TZEVAOT
FROM THE DESK OF:
*Michael Spitzer* [EMAIL PROTECTED]
The Best Way To Destroy Enemies Is To Change Them To Friends
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