Here is how to build a real bomb!
1. Arrange the largest budget you can get from all sources
2. Hire the most expensive, obnoxous, hard-to-get-along-with actors
on the planet
3. Hire all of the most expensive special effects outfits
on the planet
4. Hire out all movie production facilities in New York City,
or some other expensive city. Pay maximum union wages
5. And, by the way, don't bother with a meaningful story.
6. Arrange the glitziest marketing and media campaign ever. It
must include everything (TV, movie trailers, transit ads,
full page paper and magazine ads. Sponsor everything in
sight from the super bowl righe down to the daily diaper
change at the corner day care center.
7. Have the biggest merchandise and memorabilia to go along
with the movie. Include your own chain of theme stores and,
of course, restaurants (which much be expensive, trandy, and
gawd-awful). And of course lease on long term and short term
rates (such as $100/sf in places like Des Moines).
8. Get the worst reviews
9. Delay the opening until the weekend before labor day (when
the summer movie season is over and everyone is getting ready
to hit back to work or the books).
10. Be the first feature movie with at $12.00 ticket price at
the multiplexes
10. Enjoy a small opening box office. Get out. Avoid investors
and creditors.
11. Watch the whole mess blow out.
12. Watch the restaurant and retail spaces get leased out to the next bomb
