I speak as someone new to FFL who mostly lurks. I sometimes feel to share in
a discussion but know that if I do, someone's sure to throw shit at me, and it
just isn't worth it. I think a lot of women feel that way. It's why few women
participate in this forum.
As far as someone's suggestion that we just read the people we like and
ignore the rest, it takes a long time for new people to figure out who is who
in the forum. It's easier to just get up and leave. That causes FFL to become a
rather incestuous little group, unleavened by fresh viewpoints.
And where does it leave the new visitors, often people disillusioned or
questioning TM, looking for a safe place to talk about and share experiences?
They can't do it at Fairfield Life, unless they want to be fried and eaten for
breakfast. And who wants that damage to their tender feeling level, when
they're already working through enough shit from their confusing years in the
movement?
Sure, new people could put up a shield and get tough, but a lot of us don't
want to. Certainly most women don't want to do that. We value the intelligence
and sensitivity of our feelings, and don't choose to participate in forums
where they are dealt with violently. So we visit a while and move on. But where
are we to go? Where can we go to talk and explore spiritual issues, if not in a
chatroom supposedly devoted to spirituality?
I do understand how a chatroom of predominantly ex-TMers can become negative.
For years we taught to never entertain negativity, and the strain of that was
enormous. We had to tippy-toe around and watch our words and manner, fake
smiles on our faces, or we would likely get kicked out of the dome for a simple
offhanded remark. It was like living surveilled by the Gestapo. People
subjected year after year to that level of thought-and-speech monitoring are
going to crack eventually. When we did crack, we did it in an eruption of
forbidden expletives. For my part, I've been heartily using swear words ever
since I left the movement 20 years ago. Every time I use one, it's a statement
of independence and individuality. I hate the extremeness of the movement in
demanding sweetness and light from its members, regardless of how they are
feeling.
But I also know that the other extreme is no better. To let ourselves turn
into despairing, hating monsters on account of our abused past is a mistake. It
hurts us personally, and our get-even attitude gets taken out on our
undeserving fellow victims. In just the sort of attacks people make on each
other sometimes here.
I don't think personal attacks ever should be permitted in a forum that
courts independent thought, vulnerability of expression and sincere sharing of
experiences -- the sort of things that would help all of us heal the years we
spent as victims.
I do think we should be permitted to use swear words -- why the hell not,
after all that we've been through? But even then, it's smart to self-monitor
and keep it fairly decent. A post that's 90 percent full of barf and dogshit is
going to turn off sensitive readers, certainly women like me, who would
otherwise participate in FFL.
Someone wrote that the existing rules are already there, they just need
enforcing. Yeah, I think they do. Rick doesn't want to play the policeman, but
that's part of the role of a moderator, isn't it? Sometimes policemen are
needed in this world, as a necessary evil. If people can't self-regulate in a
moment of rage, a rule-enforcing moderator provides a safety valve to stop a
damaging post from going through. If it saves the feeling level of the group,
and helps promote a higher level of discussion, isn't it worth the small pinch
of rule-enforcement? I don't think Rick should have to read and judge on
every post. He has no time for that. But if someone observed an attacking email
and complained to him, he could put the sender on suspension for a couple of
weeks. How hard is that?
The question here is if the townspeople of FFL want to have a policeman,
for their own security and greater freedom. Freedom in the long run: to talk
deeper, more vulnerably, more sincerely than they presently can when they have
to write each post with their guard up, or when they don't feel free to write
at all. If the group does want this, Rick or someone else needs to step up to
the plate.
I belong to another chat room. It's about caring for rabbits. It's a nice
place, and this is the policy on flames -- enforced and taken seriously:
FLAME POLICY
EtherBun is an unmoderated listserve. However, because we want EtherBun to be
a happy place, the list owner and the EtherBun Advisory Committee insist that
there will be NO FLAMING, EVER. A flame is defined as a personally insulting or
derogatory post. Strong opinions, healthy disagreement and civil discussion are
welcome on EtherBun, but flaming will not be tolerated.
